debt, homelessness and life in general

[RAWWR]

I don't even know where to start with this...I just don't know what to do and feel like everything is messing up big time...

Okay, so back in november my mum made me homeless, I was sofa surfing for a few weeks until I was found a place in a youth hostel, when I moved into the hostel I was assigned a key worker and she started helping me to sort out my benefits (ESA) and move on options (either a foyer or mind housing) While I was waiting for my ESA I was threatened with eviction twice because of my rent arrears, but the job centre admitted that it was a fault on their side which had resulted in me not being paid. As you may know, you now need a pin number to call and enquire about your benefits, my keyworker was the only person who knew my pin and she didn't leave a record of it anywhere in my folder, while I was living there she fell pregnant for the first time and has been having a lot of complications with her pregnancy and was therefore signed off work.
The problem is that she left no contact details and no records of my pin making it virtually impossible for me to sort out my payments, because of this I have now been evicted from the hostel, and I am currently sleeping on my mums sofa, we've been making calls to every agency we can think of to try and sort things out, my benefits have now (hopefully) been sorted, but when we called the foyer they said that they would not take me due to the severity of my mental health issues and the fact that I have been referred to mind housing, we then called mind housing to find that my key worker had not actually done me a referral to them and I now have to go through the referrals process again.
While I was living at the hostel I (very stupidly) took out a payday loan to try to pay some rent, planning to pay it back when my money finally came through, but of course that never happened, I have now had a letter saying that if I don't arrange payment by the 23rd they will refer my case to a doorstep collection agent, and the address they have for me is my mums address, my mum will KILL me, if she ever found out, I don't know what to do, I only have £6 to buy my food for the week as it is and I feel like i'm drowning in all of this.
The stress is causing my mental health issues to become 10 times worse, i'm having flashbacks from the abuse and living on my mums sofa is not helping because i'm not in a secure room where I can lock the door, I know that nobody here will hurt me but the fear is still there and I don't know how to deal with that. I just want to end it all because I cannot deal with all of this, I don't know how to cope anymore, I can't do it...

(Really sorry about the essay)

[HunterBlue]

It looks to me like you're screwed.

Also, it doesn't look like there is anyone to help you at all. Not even your mom.

If you're screwed then it means you have nothing to lose. And if you have no one to help then its all up to you. So you need to take matters into your own hands and just not worry about the consequences. There's a philosophy that talks about exactly that. It's called Stoisism. It's where you get the word stoic from. Stoics were famous for being fearless in hopeless situations. But it wasn't because they had no fear. One of my favourite stories is the true account of Xenophon, a Greek warrier trapped behind enemy lines with no food or supplies and no one coming for rescue. But he took matters into his own hands and made it back alive. Trust me, no matter how bad you have it, you have it better than Xenophon did.

I don't know you, so I don't want you to take anything I say personally. I'm not judging you and I'm not attacking you. But I did notice that 90% of everything you said was your mom wasn't doing this and your key worker wasn't doing that and all these other people are not doing enough. What the hell are YOU doing? No one is coming to help you and ther are no supplies coming, and people are coming to make trouble. I think you should take matters into your own hands and do the things you need to do.

I would tell your mom, look, I'm sleeping on your couch. I'm your son. I have mentle health issues. Be a mom and deal with it. The fact im sleeping on a couch and not my own bed speaks volumes. you have a duty as a mother and im not going to argue about it. When the collectors come you tell them sorry, I don't have any money. Scream all you want,but I don't have a dime. And I have no idea when I'm going to get a dime, so whatever buddy.

Sometimes taking matters into your own hands means doing some crappy stuff. Do you need a place to stay? Then you're gonna have to find one. Need a job? Gonna have to get one too. You're probably gonna get a lousy job and live in a hole, but at least your not sitting around waiting for people to help you anymore. All these other people have power over you because you depend on them, but you will be taking that power when you start doing it yourself.

So I'm sorry about my essay, but my advice is to stay strong. Do what you need to do. And don't sweat about the small stuff. Because it doesn't look like these other people are coming to be any help.

[Lofiel]

Sounds to me like you might as well move to a new country.

Go sky diving.

Whatever the hell you want, just don't let it keep you down... much easier said than done I know.