no explanation for self harming

[abbiemayy]

I self harm - simple.
But realistically it's anything but simple. I don't have a reason like most other people, and this makes me feel guilty for self-harming so I do it more. It's a vicious circle one which I find it hard to get out of.
I have an ideal life, I get good grades, I have the best friends I could ask for, I'm not hard off and I don't have a lot to moan about.
The only things that could be better is the fact that my auntie (who I'm very close to) is terminally ill.
However, as harsh as this may sound I'm ok with it, she, as well as myself have come to terms with whats going to happen and we deal with it in a positive way.
So why do I feel the need to hurt myself you ask?
Because I like to know that no-one can hurt me more than I hurt myself.
I've been played around in the past by boys who didn't deserve my time and effort and to stop myself from ever getting hurt by someone I called my "bestfriend" again I hurt myself. Because a boy saying "I don't like you" is never going to hurt as much as slashing at my own arms and legs, I don't cut to die, I cut to bleed.
Because I know when I bleed, that things can only get better from there.
I don't know how to get out of this cycle and to be honest I'm not sure I even want to, while I'm doing this I have the control over how I feel, but previous to hurting myself I never had this.
So why am I writing this you ask?
Because in writing this I've learnt to understand myself and realise what I do and why, you can only deny for so long.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

I don't really have much to say, but I can sympathize with you. I'm not one of those kids with one parent or a sick parent or abused or whatever. I get it, and I'm kinda the same way. I think deep down, you do want to get out of this cycle. It's hard, but it is worth it.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. :)

[UnknownError]

When I first started self harming there was no reason. I've tried to justify it but really, there wasn't a reason. I'd make up the reasons afterwards most of the time, for my own satisfaction. So I kind of get where you're coming from.

[lyriclover]

That's what I'm like too. I have plenty of reason to cut though, but I don't think of a reason until after. No one can hurt me as much as I hurt myself. No one's words can sting more than pouring hand sanitizer on an open cut.