Driving me crazy!

[schrei jess]

I haven't cut in months and months. I think I only had two slip-ups after getting out of the hospital which was in March. But thinking about doing it is driving me INSANE. I want to so so so bad, and I know I shouldn't but I really want to, and I'm so scared I'll give in. Every time I get pissed off at something, and this happens a lot, I want to just dig something sharp into my arm until I'm not angry anymore. I think I have so many anger issues, and I have no way to deal with it other than to just RAGE on someone, or rage on myself. And it's just a lot easier to rage on myself, less trouble I get into. I have fucking clue what to do, and all I can think about it how much less angry I'd be if I could just get some release!

[thesphinx]

You'll make yourself feel even worse if you start cutting again, you need to find another way to channel this anger. since you mentioned wanting to dig something sharp you could try something like wood carving or something of that sort, Don't try it if you think it will tempt you more though. maybe a punching bag or something? are you talking to anyone at the moment about any of this?

[schrei jess]

Nope, no one to talk to really. I can't find anyone in real life who I want to talk to or who I think gives a shit about me, and as for online, it hardly ever helps and the people I thought I could talk to basically told me to leave them alone. So I don't know what to do.

[blank_07]

Definiely agree. Dig your nails into something, scream, listen to hardcore music. It helps alot.

[thesphinx]

Have you ever tried therapy/counseling? that can help a lot because you don't have to worry about what he/she is thinking of you. once you get comfortable with a therapist, you can really just start talking openly with no pressure. it can take a while to get comfortable but I encourage you to try.

[blank_07]

Or you could just find a good, trustworthy friend.

Or, get a journal. You can write EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. And if you're OCD like me and could never manage to keep something like a journal, then write a letter to anyone (including yourself) and rip it to shreds afterwards.

[thesphinx]

Finding a "good, trustworthy friend." can be harder than it sounds :S

[blank_07]

It can be, but I know I have at least three, so chances are you probably could find someone.

Or like I said, write like your life depends on it.

[t0mb0ii13]

I don't have too many cutting probs, but heres a few suggestions
Punching bag, trust me....it works...
Journals
Kicking someone..I know..its a bad suggestion....but I do it to micheal (My wimpy guy friend) all the time...
I know this sounds reallly...really wierd, but taking a shower or bath, it relaxes you.

all these methods have been tested X3
Hope this helps, if not, heres a few more things

Read a calming, non actiony book, it should help
Draw, It might not work for you, but it always helps me *labels self, crazy kid that draws all the time*
Ok, this sounds really retarded....but it helps me....hug...a stuffefd animal...Im a girl...so it doesnt seem so....wierd for me... but Im sorry it helps.

All that I can come up with.....really sorry if these dont work....

[blank_07]

Draw, It might not work for you, but it always helps me *labels self, crazy kid that draws all the time*


All that I can come up with.....really sorry if these dont work....

No, the drawing thing was really good. :) I do that too.

[schrei jess]

I've been in therapy since I was 12, but now I go about once every three months because I'm "cured", or w/e. I don't like her, and haven't liked any of the therapists I've been to. I don't have friends, I generally hate people and I'm about to buy my new best friend (aka a dog). I am so sick of writing, I do it all the time, I don't have anything to punch, I'm not good at drawing so it pisses me off more.

[thesphinx]

well maybe you need to make more frequent trips to your therapist. as for punching things, Get a punching bag.

[schrei jess]

Well I talked with my mom, and I'm going to go back to therapy more regularly, and we're going to search out a new therapist. Maybe it'll help sort out my anger issues before I give in and hurt myself.

[thesphinx]

Awesome, that's the right thing to do in this situation.

[byee]

hey Jess, you know, bravo for you for NOT giving in to the urge to cut, that's really good. Don't confuse your continuing urge to cut with failure, eventhough it's hard, the important part (and the part that shows real success) is that you're not acting on the urge!

It takes time to feel strong and confident that you can withstand the urge. But right now, you are. In the meantime, in addition to controlling yourself and these urges, you need a good distraction. When you feel whatever it is that makes you want to cut, you need to start doing that other thing. Figure out what will work for you, and always try to do it.

You also should be in therapy, talking with a professional about where these self destructive urges come from, and ways of successfully dealing with them. When you left the hospital, didnlt ehy set you up with a therapist? If not, you might want to ask your folks to do this for you ASAP.

[blank_07]

Good job and good luck :)