help me "choose" depressed vs "normal"

[sophiever]

Hi to all, i'm new and i'm an European girl (senior year, i hate the ib).

I should focus studying but i'm always thinking of this 1 guy (this sounds really lame and...please excuse me).

He is so handsome, intelligent, sensitive, funny, love movies (like me!) loves books, i just love to talk to him!
The problem is...he scares me...he is so handsome you'd expect him to be socially cocky and outgoing instead he is "weird".
I thought he was just a little bit "weird" until my mom discovered he is majorly depressed and he is on anti depressants. I knew he had an Adhd thing, but he used to joke about it and say how it made him "special".
This kind of thing...it's ugly to say and i hate me for saying it...but it really really scares me.

What could happen if i fall for a guy like this? Would i become sad too? i know this sounds superficial and naive and lame, but i'm just scared.

Instead...there's this cutish guy that always liked me since 10th grade and he is active, and "right"...i like him and he's sometimes funny too...but i don't have the connection i have with the "first" guy.
Still, he doesn't scare me, he is a great guy.

as cheesy as it sounds, this is a classic case where my heart tells me to do something and my head tells me the opposite (OH MY GOD HOW LAME WS THAT)

I'd like some insight, some opinions...
Btw my name is sofia!

[drew6]

....

[sophiever]

drew...thanks a lot for the anwer.

This is what i feel, it is what i would really want. I can't stop thinking about him. I listen to sad songs and think about him and i'm thinking:
I could be sad by NOT being with him...so why can't i take the risk...

But since my mother told me this i started noticing more things about him...first i just lost myself in his green eyes and i'd turn away because i was afraid he'd look. Now i look him trying to understand more things and he always does this thing in class where he holds tightly to the pencil and looks outside the window and his eyes blur.

In that moment...i swear i wanna hug him, kiss him!! but it seems like it's an ocean of grief, and the stories i heard just scare me.

What if i'll become just like him?

Why is he so miserable? he has it all!! i'd love to embrace him, all of him, but i'm chickening out and fear it is not the best thing for me.

while thinking about him...finals are...fuck finals! lol

[HunterBlue]

Too many guys are prescribed anti depressants. And for no good reason. It's insane. Guys acting like guys is enough to have a parent get their kid drugged up.

Depression can be contagious though. Studies show hanging around a depressed person can make you depressed too.


Havi g said that I think you should go for it. I mean, you're not marrying the guy. He might be awesome and then you'd ,is miss out on a great relationship. Or he might be a jerk and you'll learn his to handle jerks in the future.

Weird and anti depressants don't even phase me. People think I'm weird. But then again I walk around in an iron man suit.

[sophiever]

Depression can be contagious though. Studies show hanging around a depressed person can make you depressed too.



This is what scares me.
Sometimes i just long to touch him. I have this crazy belief that i...i alone could make him feel better.
And not doin anything special.
just opening his eyes, letting him know how beautiful he is, outside, inside. How special he really is. How it's not a joke he tells, how it's the truth! at least for me.

but then i rationalize and i think that i'd probably be depressed with him, and i'd harm him more than anything else.

-yeah, i would not marry him, but if i even kiss him for one second i'll fall for him BAD.

While with the other guy, i might even like him A LOT! but i feel like i could completely control it

[HunterBlue]

This is what scares me.
Sometimes i just long to touch him. I have this crazy belief that i...i alone could make him feel better.
And not doin anything special.
just opening his eyes, letting him know how beautiful he is, outside, inside. How special he really is. How it's not a joke he tells, how it's the truth! at least for me.

but then i rationalize and i think that i'd probably be depressed with him, and i'd harm him more than anything else.

-yeah, i would not marry him, but if i even kiss him for one second i'll fall for him BAD.

While with the other guy, i might even like him A LOT! but i feel like i could completely control it

I think that's very sweet of you to say that, and I admire you for it..I think it's cool that you could want to reach out to someone.

But you know, all girls want to change guys. And then they get mad when they realise they can't. So in a way you're setting yourself up for failure.

And I think that you're right to be cautious. I'm just saying try it. If it doesn't work than yeah, sister. Get outta there. Say thanks out no thanks.

Your probably gonna break up with anyway. And when your do hopefully he'll think to himself this depressed thing is just driving people away. Drugs don't help people anyway. By that I mean anti depressants. The only way to he someone is for the. To help themselves.

[sophiever]

I think that's very sweet of you to say that, and I admire you for it..I think it's cool that you could want to reach out to someone.

But you know, all girls want to change guys. And then they get mad when they realise they can't. So in a way you're setting yourself up for failure.

And I think that you're right to be cautious. I'm just saying try it. If it doesn't work than yeah, sister. Get outta there. Say thanks out no thanks.

Your probably gonna break up with anyway. And when your do hopefully he'll think to himself this depressed thing is just driving people away. Drugs don't help people anyway. By that I mean anti depressants. The only way to he someone is for the. To help themselves.

hunter, i think that i won't be able to just "try" it and just say "ok...now im gettin dragged in a bad place here....goodbye".

i already "feel" so much for him and i never kissed him. He's always in my head.

It's so strange. It's weird how he is so genuinely funny. I swear to god he makes me laugh in any way. He's something else. I couldn't believe he was in such a long treatment and taking so many different medications.

(Abilify plus clonazesomething). I googled them, and i can guarantee you...it gives you chills.

why is he like this? i'm losing it lol, tomorrow i'll just run to him and tell him i really want to be with him...lol

p.s. he doesn't know i know he is in treatment...if i decide i "pick" him...how should i deal with this? it's 5 am here, i'm going to sleep. thanks for the answers

[xXl0sth0peXx]

This ain't really puberty.

Questions for Both Boys and Girls :arrow: Relationships and Dating

[HunterBlue]

Hmmmm. I may have sounded more casual than I meant. I didn't mean to literally try him and then toss him aside. But what I do mean is like.....give it a try. You can always leave. Yes. That's not as easy as it sounds but be adventurous with love I always say. But then, I'm a guy and I'll hit just about anything.

Are you sure he's as bad as you think he is? I know people that have issues, and they live pretty normal lives.

DO NOT SAY YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TREATMENT. not unless he brings it up. But pretend you know nothing about it and if he's comfortable with it he'll bring it up on his own.

[sophiever]

Hmmmm. I may have sounded more casual than I meant. I didn't mean to literally try him and then toss him aside. But what I do mean is like.....give it a try. You can always leave. Yes. That's not as easy as it sounds but be adventurous with love I always say. But then, I'm a guy and I'll hit just about anything.

Are you sure he's as bad as you think he is? I know people that have issues, and they live pretty normal lives.

DO NOT SAY YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TREATMENT. not unless he brings it up. But pretend you know nothing about it and if he's comfortable with it he'll bring it up on his own.

Yes but i'd like to confront him on how he feels.

I know it's very bad because my mom knows his mother and she is extremely sad about this whole situations and her mother told mine a lot of things...

I like the fact that whenever you ask him..."how are you" he's like "don't waste your questions! how can i nOT be fine?" and he's always joking but even if it's subtle if you look at him closely (STALK HIM SECRETELY) and know "it" you can obviously tells.

I hate it when he clenches to the pencil and looks outside, his eyes get all lucid and i'd just want him to confront him...

can't believe i'll see him in ....2 hrs and 30 minutes...if he'll be in school

[screamtobeheard]

I may be a bit biased on this, but I have my opinion/advice, and I'll share it with you.

If you feel a connection with someone, I think you should act upon it, no matter what. It could help him, and it could help you. Keep in mind that I also struggle with depression, and in the past have struggled with eating disorders and self harm. Sometimes, these things still come up in my life, and my boyfriend knows about it. Yes, depression can be contagious. Especially if you care deeply about someone. When my boyfriend is upset, it makes my heart ache like you couldn't imagine, but it's not a constant. Does my depression affect him? Yes, but it's not making him depressed too, nor is it ruining his life or quality of living. And having someone to love me helps with it a little.

So that's my opinion. Give him a shot and see how it goes.

[sophiever]

I may be a bit biased on this, but I have my opinion/advice, and I'll share it with you.

If you feel a connection with someone, I think you should act upon it, no matter what. It could help him, and it could help you. Keep in mind that I also struggle with depression, and in the past have struggled with eating disorders and self harm. Sometimes, these things still come up in my life, and my boyfriend knows about it. Yes, depression can be contagious. Especially if you care deeply about someone. When my boyfriend is upset, it makes my heart ache like you couldn't imagine, but it's not a constant. Does my depression affect him? Yes, but it's not making him depressed too, nor is it ruining his life or quality of living. And having someone to love me helps with it a little.

So that's my opinion. Give him a shot and see how it goes.

i saw him...i thought he wouldn't come (we had an econ final...)...he showed up 30 minutes late in the auditorium (in complete silence) he was smirking and it made me laugh lol.

i asked him what he'll do tonight, if he's goin to a party everybody's goin to. He said he'd rather do somethin else. I asked him if he'd enjoy some company and he said he'll pick me up after dinner.
I'm thrilled! lol i feel like im 14...scared, excited, happy, at the same time,

[screamtobeheard]

i saw him...i thought he wouldn't come (we had an econ final...)...he showed up 30 minutes late in the auditorium (in complete silence) he was smirking and it made me laugh lol.

i asked him what he'll do tonight, if he's goin to a party everybody's goin to. He said he'd rather do somethin else. I asked him if he'd enjoy some company and he said he'll pick me up after dinner.
I'm thrilled! lol i feel like im 14...scared, excited, happy, at the same time,

Awesome! I'm glad. (: Good luck! Hope it all turns out well!

[sudmais]

it's not really all that shadow, it is a legitimate concern but you don't fall in love with someone because they're with out flaws but because of them. if you are aware of how hard life is for him, you can work so it can be easier.

[sophiever]

Awesome! I'm glad. (: Good luck! Hope it all turns out well!

it's been easily the best day of my life!

i'm too excited too sleep, and i feel so weird.

thanks to whoever throws his idea.
---im still scared as HELL...but isn't this what life should be like?