xXoblivionXx
May 9th, 2013, 06:31 PM
Hey VT, it's been a while since I've posted anything on here. With transitioning into high school, my mom having a baby, me dealing with my depression, and the incident that happened a few months ago this year has been hectic!
Anyway right now, I'm having some negative thoughts right now and I'm not suppose to bottle it up anymore so I thought that I would post something on VT.
So I've been depressed and borderline suicidal for sometime. I used to cut, I'm trying my hardest to stop. Things just haven't been going well and no matter what I would do I couldn't make things better. Towards the end of first semester I started to not caring about my school work and isolate myself from everyone. I just didn't see the point of trying anymore.
The following is what I call the incident, I haven't talked about it since it happened and I thought that this would be a good place to break the silence.
On March 9th I attempted suicide. I've attempted before, but this time was different. I went to saturday school (Religious Ed) that day and I got yelled at in front of my entire class because I didn't do an assignment that was well overdue. In all honesty I was going through some tough stuff and doing religious homework wasn't on top of my to do list. She made me feel like shit and I wanted to cry and just run out of the class room.
When I got home I ate some pizza then told my mom that I was going to take a nap. I then went to my room and took some of my migraine medicine. Holding the bottle of pills, I knew what I had to do. I just kept taking pills one after another. I then laid down on my bed and hoped that I wouldn't wake up.
The rest is what I can remember, I'm still getting flags backs. My mom said that my little brother, who's 3 years old found me :( (I hope he doesn't remember this when he's older.) I remember laying on the ground and my mom shaking me, seeing if I was would wake up, then 2 paramedics in my bedroom, they were calling my name. The next thing I remember was me in an ER room with restraints across my chest and torso. I was screaming and swearing at everyone :(. Again, I blacked out.
I remember waking up in the ER with some indian lady there, I asked who she was but she said that didn't matter. She said, "You're only 15. You have your whole life ahead of you." Then my dad came in and she left. My dad said a few words then sat down, I don't really remember what happened next because I was still drugged.
The next thing I knew my dad and I signed some papers and I was transported to an inpatient psych ward for adolescents. I was there for 3 days but they felt like forever. This building was old and scary looking. I just wanted to go home.
Since then I started seeing a therapist weekly and started taking antidepressants. They haven't really kicked in yet. I just hope they do soon.
I really appreciate anyone who read all of this, I know it's sort of long but I just needed to get this out of my head.
Anyway right now, I'm having some negative thoughts right now and I'm not suppose to bottle it up anymore so I thought that I would post something on VT.
So I've been depressed and borderline suicidal for sometime. I used to cut, I'm trying my hardest to stop. Things just haven't been going well and no matter what I would do I couldn't make things better. Towards the end of first semester I started to not caring about my school work and isolate myself from everyone. I just didn't see the point of trying anymore.
The following is what I call the incident, I haven't talked about it since it happened and I thought that this would be a good place to break the silence.
On March 9th I attempted suicide. I've attempted before, but this time was different. I went to saturday school (Religious Ed) that day and I got yelled at in front of my entire class because I didn't do an assignment that was well overdue. In all honesty I was going through some tough stuff and doing religious homework wasn't on top of my to do list. She made me feel like shit and I wanted to cry and just run out of the class room.
When I got home I ate some pizza then told my mom that I was going to take a nap. I then went to my room and took some of my migraine medicine. Holding the bottle of pills, I knew what I had to do. I just kept taking pills one after another. I then laid down on my bed and hoped that I wouldn't wake up.
The rest is what I can remember, I'm still getting flags backs. My mom said that my little brother, who's 3 years old found me :( (I hope he doesn't remember this when he's older.) I remember laying on the ground and my mom shaking me, seeing if I was would wake up, then 2 paramedics in my bedroom, they were calling my name. The next thing I remember was me in an ER room with restraints across my chest and torso. I was screaming and swearing at everyone :(. Again, I blacked out.
I remember waking up in the ER with some indian lady there, I asked who she was but she said that didn't matter. She said, "You're only 15. You have your whole life ahead of you." Then my dad came in and she left. My dad said a few words then sat down, I don't really remember what happened next because I was still drugged.
The next thing I knew my dad and I signed some papers and I was transported to an inpatient psych ward for adolescents. I was there for 3 days but they felt like forever. This building was old and scary looking. I just wanted to go home.
Since then I started seeing a therapist weekly and started taking antidepressants. They haven't really kicked in yet. I just hope they do soon.
I really appreciate anyone who read all of this, I know it's sort of long but I just needed to get this out of my head.