Hate Myself

[Never_Forget]

Life pretty much sucks. To put my problem simply; nobody cares any more. To put it story style...

Everybody hates my guts. The few friends I do have think I'm weird. Every morning I force myself to get up and on the way to school a bubble of panic grows inside me. I wonder what insult my class are going to pull out of the hat. I'm usually quite modest, but to put it simply, some people just hate me because I'm smarter than them for 2 reasons; they're jealous or they think I'm geeky, it's usually the latter. Others just don't like me for my personality. I'm pretty hyper, clumsy and, well, I'm sorta an oddity... But I just can't understand why they can't like me, underneath the thin layer of happiness I'm bitter. I guess people see it in me, and I hate myself for becoming like this. I always get an urge just to hug people and cry, I hate it so much... I try to isolate myself but it doesn't work, even my family hate me. I'm always second best and I just want it all to stop, I'd give anything, I repeat, ANYTHING to be normal.
To be normal.
Like I am in my dreams.

V.V ~Sam

PS. Please don't post things like "nobody hates you" or "just join a club or something". I just ignore those posts to be quite honest.

[Joe3140]

Just try being as normal as possible, might be hard to start off but youll be glad you did after a while. Play any sports? What do your few friends like doing?

[blank_07]

TRUST me, there are people out there like you. Just go meet a couple.

Either that or, one day just try to have a normal conversation with someone that you think would be nice or interesting.

[Hyper]

Normal is a relative concept.

Just be who you are, if you are indeed hyper ( :D ) just contorl it as much as you can.. But just don't try to shove yourself in some social group just because other people don't like you.

I don't think people who think you are weird are your friends.. Friends understand eachother and such.. But as long as they don't treat you bad then their just some people who you are on good terms with, I suppose.. That is still a good thing to have, just don't trust them with things that could be bad to you.

And don't bother trying to figure out why assholes don't like you because I got the answer for you: they're just assholes.

And indeed assholes don't like it when someone is different from them or smarter than they are.

Just be who you are and learn to control you're bad habbits..

And as annoying as it may sound you should find some group of people who have the same interests as you but most importantly are understand and don't prejudice.

[thesphinx]

Well the sad truth is in middle/high school few people find true friends. but keep looking and don't let it get you down! And a lot of people can be pretty mean in that time of your life but sooner or later they have to become mature and its not your problem that there little immature people, so please don't give up and like hyper said what is "normal"?

[ideasman]

You know, what the sad truth is, that no-one in this entire forum can actually make you feel better or give you any form of actual advice that you may feel you can take or do or try.. All i can say on this situation is that i know what you mean..
In middle/high school i was a social outcast, i could never really fit into a group of friends, and the people i wanted to be friends with wouldn't give me the time of day, and do you know why? Because i was rediculously tall. So from about 15 years old i began rounding my shoulders and hunching my back in order to seem more of a normal size..and do you know what i realised? That by making myself smaller (both physically and thinking there was something wrong with me, so emotionally) i was letting every scum bag that thought they had the right to put me down, WIN..
So i stood tall, and let the insults roll off me, (although it would be a lie to say that one or two didnt get through..) but now i smile to myself before i go to bed and when i wake up in the morning because im studying Science at NYU ..AND im also doing some modeling on the side (because APPARENTLY my height comes in handy.. :P) and i take solace in the fact that soon enough i would be able to hire on of my fellow school "chums" to clean my pool, or toilet or anything as equally as degrading..
So all in all, just be the best you, that you can be...
Love your family for all that they do because all they want is the best for you..
You'll fit in, your young and scared, and unsure, and its ok to be all these things, but keep up your quirky, random, clumsy nature, because thats who you are, and you'll find your true friends that love you for that, by being who you were meant to be..

-ideasman

[Never_Forget]

Just try being as normal as possible, might be hard to start off but youll be glad you did after a while. Play any sports? What do your few friends like doing?
If I could be normal I wouldn't be posting on here, would I?
Sorry if I sounded rude but that's the way I am and anyway, it's the simple bare truth of the matter.

[Never_Forget]

You know, what the sad truth is, that no-one in this entire forum can actually make you feel better or give you any form of actual advice that you may feel you can take or do or try.. All i can say on this situation is that i know what you mean..
In middle/high school i was a social outcast, i could never really fit into a group of friends, and the people i wanted to be friends with wouldn't give me the time of day, and do you know why? Because i was rediculously tall. So from about 15 years old i began rounding my shoulders and hunching my back in order to seem more of a normal size..and do you know what i realised? That by making myself smaller (both physically and thinking there was something wrong with me, so emotionally) i was letting every scum bag that thought they had the right to put me down, WIN..
So i stood tall, and let the insults roll off me, (although it would be a lie to say that one or two didnt get through..) but now i smile to myself before i go to bed and when i wake up in the morning because im studying Science at NYU ..AND im also doing some modeling on the side (because APPARENTLY my height comes in handy.. :P) and i take solace in the fact that soon enough i would be able to hire on of my fellow school "chums" to clean my pool, or toilet or anything as equally as degrading..
So all in all, just be the best you, that you can be...
Love your family for all that they do because all they want is the best for you..
You'll fit in, your young and scared, and unsure, and its ok to be all these things, but keep up your quirky, random, clumsy nature, because thats who you are, and you'll find your true friends that love you for that, by being who you were meant to be..

-ideasman

This made me smile. Why? Because it reminded me there really are people out there that maybe could actually care. Thanks:D

[ideasman]

glad i could be of some help :)

[Never_Forget]

It's happened again today, and yesterday. I nearly broke down today and twice yesterday. The stress of school really isn't helping. But at least there's something else I can direct all my anger at: James[last name edited]. He's short, fat and ugly and he's the biggest (smallest) little (that's more like it)... Words fail me. I wish he would just get hit by a car on the way home... And I HATE MY BROTHER SO MUCH. He's pretty much the cause of my life being wrecked. Ever since I was a baby he's bullied me and taunted me and I really do wish he would get hit by a car and die. I know for a fact I wouldn't attend his funeral (which he deserves very little) no matter how it hurt anybody else.. I just wish I could get rid of him. Before I even imagined poisoning him. It's driving me insane, all these feelings bursting out when I least expect it...
I wish I was normal.
I'd give anything to be normal. I really would.
Normal.... Like in my dreams..

V.V Sam



Well the sad truth is in middle/high school few people find true friends. but keep looking and don't let it get you down! And a lot of people can be pretty mean in that time of your life but sooner or later they have to become mature and its not your problem that there little immature people, so please don't give up and like hyper said what is "normal"?
I should really reply sooner, you know. Anyway, normal to me is like, well, everybody else. Happy, popularish, and well happy again. Pretty much the total opposite of me.
Thanks again guys for your help.
V.V Sam

[Please don't put peoples last name, and try not to double post, thanks, thesphinx]

[byee]

You know, I think many people are unhappy with some part of themselves, it's sorta human nature. Rather than be down on yourself about those parts, why not use your awareness of them to try to improve them?

With regards to your brother, if he's really tormenting you, rather than wish death on him (something that is unlikely to occur just because you think you might want it), why not talk with your folks about this and enlist their help in controlling whatever it is that he's doing to you?

Often, it seems like it's the sense of helplessness that makes things so bad, that we cannot do anything to imporve our lot in life. Sometimes that's the case, but many times, there are things we can do to attempt to affect the situations that make us miserable. Maybe you can direct your energies towards finding realistic soultions to your problems.

[Never_Forget]

IAMSAM: Well yeah, I suppose thats true. Thanks for your time.
thesphinx: Sorry, didn't know about the last name thing.

V.V Sam

[thesphinx]

Don't worry about it. Tinhead Don't ever hate yourself, you can dislike what you've done but NEVER hate yourself. you are here for a reason, your going through this for a reason. even though you don't know the reason yet everything happens for a reason. and you can't hate yourself for being you, because no one can change who they are. yes a lot of people have things they dislike about themselves and thats ok. just please don't hate yourself.

[Greyson]

Normal. Wow, I wasn't sure that was a word anymore.
Normal can be looked at in so many ways, it is pretty useless to even say. As an overweight person who sits on his computer all day, I can still tell you that not everyone hates you. Try to find someone who you think likes the things you do. Walk up to some random person and say "Hi, my name <your name here>"
I know it seems hard to meet good people, but it isn't after you get the hang of it. Anyone who doesn't like you, it is just there loss, so make them feel sorry.
Hope I helped in some way :)

[Never_Forget]

Thanks guys. Now I'm just angry at those little asswipes who have made my life the misery it is... One day I'm gonna get revenge, and they're NEVER gonna forget it.

>.< Sam

[thesphinx]

That is the worst thing you can do, revenge is a dead end road. the worst thing you can do too them is ignore it. because all your doing when your trying to get back at them is your feeding the fire, remember "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" ;)

[Never_Forget]

Ooh you spoilsport >.>
hehe but now I know where we keep the matches.
And I gots enough cash to make some spunky smoke bombs!
lol...
If Adam gets home by like 2 I might make 1 or 2...
And then It'll just be awesome...
I'm going really off topic there aren't I?
ANYWAY. Yeah but maybe it's not the best plan of action but I want those little f**ks to feel the pain they put me through every day.

^.~ Sam

[byee]

Another Sam, huh?

Anyway, I think that living well is the best revenge. I remember my Dad once telling me about the Jock in his high school, you know the type, the one who thinks he's better than everyone, who's loud and rude, a bully, one who believes the rules don't apply to him. Anyway, Dad ran into him later in life while Dad was driving his Porsche one day, and you know what he said to him? 'Fill 'er up'!! I love that story.

'Revenge' is ok if you use it as a motivator for excelling. Channel that aggression into something productive, something that will help make you a better person. Otherwise, it'll eat you alive.

[Never_Forget]

lol, really? Anyway, I suppose you're right. Thanks everyone, I feel a bit better about myself now..
Apart from I've started cutting again...
But that's not relvant to this forum so I'll shutup about it.

Thanks,
~Sam

[DEVINEDISHER]

It's funny really, how you think that you’re the only one that feels this way and that you’re not normal or that you hate your self. Funny enough the people that bully and tease others need the most help as they suppress more then you really think.

I guess at the end of the day you only have yourself and that other's words may not change your life, but do reflect through your future actions.

I have searched my life for reasons not to hate myself and im not going to go on about my own problems, but if you just take a step forward and even get some true advice from someone who does specialize in it, they can really change the way you think.

I can't say I’m completely happy, nor do I love myself yet, but I feel more at peace then I have my whole life.

What can you really do to get away from all this, at the end of the day people may show one side to you because they don't know how else to treat you, it may be harsh and it may be cruel but really all this made you who you are, and the fact that you're still here means your stronger then you really are and that one day the tables will turn.

I don't know what I’m really rambling on able, it may not even have made any impact on you, just remember there are people in worse scenarios then you. I know you may not want to hear this; I didn’t at the time when I hated myself, because it’s all about you. And it is all about you. You have support here that’s for sure.

Stay strong and hold your head up high, one day you will shine over the others and they will be asking for your advice.

[goin to work]

i fell lik this all the time u are depressed get meds they help you wiil be ok