Abuse?

[blank_07]

My parents are always fighting. Just the other day, I woke up to them screaming at each other, tellling each other to F off, saying that they wished that they weren't together.

My mom screams at me constantly, for everything, like my jeans not being dry soon enough, which I had NO control over.

They constantly scream and yell at me to the point of my crying and cutting myself, ten times at once sometimes. I wanna stop cutting, but my parents don't care [they know I do]. I don't know what to do? Is this just me putting the emotional pain into physical pain? Honestl,y I don't know what to do.

Are my parents abusing me?

What do I do?

[thesphinx]

Abuse has does not have a limitation to physical things. it can be emotional to. It does sound like there is some emotional abuse going on here. which can be a bit more tricky than physical abuse because you can't just go to the police and say "look at my bruises" I would talk to a school counselor about what's going on. he can help you figure out what to do about this.

[Hyper]

Ugh no I wouldn't talk to a school counselor

They are your parents and their human, they're pissed off and diverting that energy towards you which is wrong and bad.. So talk to them and if that doesn't help then go to the counselor.

[thesphinx]

Blank its going to have to be your call on if you want to talk to someone or not. but if this doesn't change than I would say go and talk to someone.

[blank_07]

Ugh I can't really talk to a counselor, she HAS to tell my parents BY LAW.And if I talk to my parents, they'll deny, deny, deny. I don't wanna tell, but people are worried, and I know I need help.

[thesphinx]

no a counselor is a 100% confidential. the only time they would have to tell your parents/police by law is if you said you were going to hurt yourself or someone else. other than that your parents don't need to know what you talk about.

[blank_07]

no a counselor is a 100% confidential. the only time they would have to tell your parents/police by law is if you said you were going to hurt yourself or someone else. other than that your parents don't need to know what you talk about

Well yeah, but I cut, so technically I already DID hurt myself. Wouldn't they still have to tell?

[Serenity]

Yes. But don't your parents already know?

[blank_07]

They know, but they don't care too much. My guidance counselor would make it seem like a billion times important to them, like I was gonna jump off a cliff soon [which im not]. And then they would be constantly checking on me/my parents right?

[Serenity]

You don't know that, and not necessarily. If what you want is for your parents to get themselves under control and stop treating you so poorly, maybe they NEED the slap in the face of your guidance counselor telling them that they have been acting so poorly as parents that they've driven you to harm yourself. Your counselor checking on you and your parents occasionally wouldn't be a BAD thing- I'm willing to bet it would help more than it would hurt because maybe that would provide your parents with some initiative to treat you and each other a lot better than they have been.

[blank_07]

I don't want my parents in trouble, i'd feel terrible. I want help for ME and no one else, so that no one puts any blame or guilt on my parents. I know I need to stop cutting, but also if i go to counselling, even if no one knows, I'll feel like the sterotype "oh is that the emo girl?" "yep"

[Serenity]

YOU can't get help until your PARENTS get help because your parents are the REASON you need help. They're the ones making you feel bad, they're the ones making you want to cut, so all of that isn't going to go away until something is done about THEM. They need and deserve to have blame and guilt put on them because look at what they drove you to do! I know it hurts to admit it but right now your parents are failing you and they need to know that and do something about it. And right now, stereotypes and what other people think of you is the least of your problems.

[blank_07]

I know, but I love them and its really hard.

Do you think it would b ok if i had a friend ask a guidance counselor if she would not tell anyone?

DO you think she'd let my boyfriend come in with me?

[Serenity]

I know.

If that makes you more comfortable, sure.

I'm willing to bet yes.

[blank_07]

Thank you sooo much.
God, I'm nervous as f***.
If she has to tell someone, i wont go.

[byee]

I don't know about abuse here, but it sounds like everyone is really unhappy.

Assuming this is not the typical way they have been dealing with eachother since you were a kid, what's happening is the result of some issues between them. And it sounds like they're pretty intense. I'm sorry you're caught in the crossfire. You're a casuality of their intense problems, it's not surprising they cannot focus on your needs or your pain. they're too absorbed in their own.

You guys need some therapy FAST. Can you sit down with one or both of them (together or seperately) and suggest this in a non accusatory way? I like the idea of involving the guidance counsellor, parents often listen better when an outside authority is involved.

The issue here isn't if they're 'abusing' you, no one will get into trouble, the issue is that you all need help. Your guidance counsellor should be profesional enough to be able to work with you and your parents to help them see how their deteriorated relationship is affecting you, and get you all to a therapist without judging them, or you. And if bringing your boyfriend or other supports helps you, that sounds ok.

[blank_07]

Thanks IAMSAM.
My parents, however, can NOT be involved. I need to help me first if I'm gonna help them I think.

[Serenity]

I'll say it again, you can't be helped until your parents get help.

[byee]

Thanks IAMSAM.
My parents, however, can NOT be involved. I need to help me first if I'm gonna help them I think.

Why can't they be involved? Your unhappiness seems to be the direct result of their unhappiness, right? What can you accomplish if they're not involved? Besides, you can't help them, they need to work together to help you.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow, make sure you tell the counsellor everything.

[blank_07]

Ugh, counselor didn't have time to talk today.
Actually, all I can tell her about is my parents.
Cutting is a HUGE DEAL for my school.
They'll recommend treatment to my parents and tell them EVERYTHING.
I can't get PROFESSIONAL counselling.
I'd feel crazy.

[byee]

You might want to tell your counsellor it's urgent.

you have alot of preconceived ideas of how you'll feel in therapy and what might happen. I don;t think you should spend a whole lot of time on that, because no matter how you'll actually feel has to be far better than your feeling now. Therapy is treatment, it helps you get better. I don't know how that can be a 'bad' thing. Just try it.

You also have to assume that all the professionals will behave correctly, which means that no one will judge either you or your parents, and that no one will be made to feel bad intentionally. What will ost likely happen is that your parents will realize how unhappy and desperate you are, and (hopefully) work with you and your therapist to alleviate your discomfort.

[irhmrh]

talk to someone

[blank_07]

I tried to stop cutting today.
Mom screamed.
JUST as i was on the phone with my boyfriend.
I think he heard.
I cut.
ALOT.

Yesterday was okay with Mom. Didn't yell too much, I guess work was okay.

Maybe today'll be the same.