My Mom just found out im gay...

[Brandon639]

Ok so heres the story.

I was talking to my friend on the phone, and I guess the subject came up and I told her I was gay. Apparently my Mom picked up the phone to make a call right as I was telling my friend... Shes really mad because I didnt tell her. Am I really in the wrong? I thought I would wait to tell her. I thought it was the right thing to do...

So was I in the wrong for wanting to wait to tell her?

[0=]

What you like to do in bed really doesn't concern her.

[Brandon639]

Well apparently it does... Shes really mad at me... not because im gay but because I told other people and not her. :(

[0=]

Tell her you were just worried she would reject you. It's harder to tell someone you really love and don't want to have a problem with.

[Brandon639]

I tried. Man this sucks... I told her every possible line in the book but she wont listen. She thinks I feel I cant talk to her.

[Serenity]

Tell her about all the stories you've heard about people coming out to their parents with bad results- a speaker came to my GSA once and told us he'd told his dad when he was like 37 and his dad disclaimed him. He's like 45 now and living happily with his partner and 2 daughters from the marriage he tried desperately to make work. Explain to your mom that you wanted to wait until you were older because you didn't want her to think it was a phase or anything, and because you were scared she would react negatively.

[Tatsuya]

^^


good one Valerie!

~BTW.....tell her that you dont want to hurt her feelings...and you dont want your mom to hate you....because you love her!

[Unknown_kid]

I feel the same way.
My mom is getting curious.
She keeps saying "i hope you're not gay" when ever i bring the subject up about ANYTHING.

i just don't know what to do either.

But you can talk to me.

[Whisper]

Let her cool down
this probly caught her off guard
sleep on it and try tomorrow okay

[Gavin]

Yeah i agree with whisper in a few days she will of calmed down and be ready to talk about it with you.

[Brandon639]

Thanks guys! You all have great advice. I do want to point out that I am kinda lucky, shes not mad about the fact im gay, its the fact I didnt tell her. So if she brings it up, Ill use the advice. Thanks guys

[byee]

Gee, my first reaction here is that you might want to point out to her that your being gay is first and foremost about you, not her. She's got it backwards here, she's saying that the issue isn't about you (your being gay), but about her (not being the first to know). I call that selfish.

Regardless of your age, you're entitled to privacy, esp about something so very personal. It's your choice (again, regardless of your age) to determine who you'll share anything with. I completely support your decision to tell your friend (or anyone else, for that matter) before you tell your mom (or anyone else).

I think you and she have a much larger issue here than your homosexuality. You may or may not choose to get into that with her, but moving forward it sounds like you'll need to be extra careful where you share important stuff about yourself to others, and maybe to repeatedly reinforce the boundaries here with her, that you're entitled to privacy, and that maybe her needs aren't more important than yours.

[LateForTheSky]

Ok so heres the story.

I was talking to my friend on the phone, and I guess the subject came up and I told her I was gay. Apparently my Mom picked up the phone to make a call right as I was telling my friend... Shes really mad because I didnt tell her. Am I really in the wrong? I thought I would wait to tell her. I thought it was the right thing to do...

So was I in the wrong for wanting to wait to tell her?


Not one bit, ur life and u dont have to tell her something like that unless ur ready. And i dont recommed u do for that reason. Dont let her make u feel bad

[irhmrh]

Its not wroung for you not to tell your mom
but its not right for your mom to be picking up the phone on you

[western ninja]

What you tell your mum is your buisness, and even so as you said you probably would of ended up telling her. Being a mother she should understand that you weren't ready to tell her, and felt more comfortable telling other people, because you don't have to see them every day so their reaction doesn't matter too much.

[Brandon639]

Thanks guys. Im glad to hear I want in the wrong. I reallllllly felt bad afterward, luckily she hasnt said a word about it so I hope it stays that way :D

[Brandon639]

Just an update to everyone, my mom said something today. She did a guilt trip and is not telling me I should tell my dad... am I really being selfish here for not wanting to tell my own parents who quote "Love you and care for you no matter what"? (thats a quote from my mom that she used on me today...)

[irhmrh]

you dont have to tell anyone if you dont want to

[crash007]

Gee, my first reaction here is that you might want to point out to her that your being gay is first and foremost about you, not her. She's got it backwards here, she's saying that the issue isn't about you (your being gay), but about her (not being the first to know). I call that selfish.

Regardless of your age, you're entitled to privacy, esp about something so very personal. It's your choice (again, regardless of your age) to determine who you'll share anything with. I completely support your decision to tell your friend (or anyone else, for that matter) before you tell your mom (or anyone else).

I think you and she have a much larger issue here than your homosexuality. You may or may not choose to get into that with her, but moving forward it sounds like you'll need to be extra careful where you share important stuff about yourself to others, and maybe to repeatedly reinforce the boundaries here with her, that you're entitled to privacy, and that maybe her needs aren't more important than yours.
I think she is just mad because shes kind of frustrated cause this could have been too much for her to handle so she is blaming you for an easy reason. also i think that she wants you to know that u can talk to her. but when she found out you were keeping stuff from her, it hurt her.

[grimlip]

That's total b.s.... Why does it matter?

Just tell her you were telling your friends first to build up telling her.... or to see how people would react... maybe that'll get her off your back...

[Mirataku]

When i told my parents, my mom did the same thing a little, they feel as if they should know everything about you, because they are concerned, try to explain to her your feelings about not telling her, but emphasise that you were going to tell her, just at the right time

[Sugaree]

Ok so heres the story.

I was talking to my friend on the phone, and I guess the subject came up and I told her I was gay. Apparently my Mom picked up the phone to make a call right as I was telling my friend... Shes really mad because I didnt tell her. Am I really in the wrong? I thought I would wait to tell her. I thought it was the right thing to do...

So was I in the wrong for wanting to wait to tell her?

No you were not wrong to wait. You have to be comfortable telling her that you're gay. There is no shame in it.

What you like to do in bed really doesn't concern her.

Right what you do in bed really doesn't concern her or anybody else except for you and you alone.

Well apparently it does... Shes really mad at me... not because im gay but because I told other people and not her. :(

Well, it's normal to be uncomfortable telling a parent you're gay and you might feel better telling someone else. Just because she is mad really shouldn't mean to be afraid of her. She is just getting in to your business when she shouldn't and she needs to understand that you being gay isn't the end of the world

Take it easy for a while there brandon.