TaylrJ
April 24th, 2013, 04:55 PM
I am 15 and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been getting real depressed lately when I start to overthink things. It's my whole life I think about really.. I am bi and I think about why I don't like girls more than boys. Why I always fall for the same people, who I basically mean nothing too.
For instance, I like my best friend. I've actually liked him before we started becoming friends. I haven't ever told him how I feel..What's worse is that I don't even thinks he's into guys either. After liking him for about 4 months I couldn't stand it, I wanted him to notice me more and more, I always got jealous, so I told him I was gonna kill myself for attention. This was back in December and ever since our friendship has been awkward, he also got a girlfriend over that period of time..
Since it wasn't the same I convinced myself to hate him. I didn't wanna like someone I had zero contact with, or that seemed more straight. So that's what I did... My best friend eventually became the person I hated most.
Well last week I did a favor for him, that's all it was. Next thing I know we're walking to every period together, then talking all period, and texting after school. I can't believe I just pushed him aside these last few months. But the reason why is that I'm afraid, I was afraid I was gonna fall into my "lovesick, depression" again.. Well, now I do like him. I can deal with it a WHOLE LOT better. I don't get depressed over him hardly as often. But what I don't like is one thing.
This is the problem... I try to convince myself he's gay. I always picture us together, as a couple, happy, flirting and kissing, and living a perfect life.. Its just I like him so much, I can't accept the fact he's straight. I'm even trying to convince myself he's not, right now. It's depressing. Love is suppose to make you happy, this is the total opposite! So I've decided I'm gonna tell him. I have too. If he doesn't accept me, oh well. I've gone through not being friends with him before, so big deal.. Can you help? What do you think?
Another thing, I told a friend about all of this and she said not to do it. She said I'll scare him off forever, we won't be together, it's weird, and said to always keep it a secret. After that, she told me to go away because she had her own problems to worry about.. But yea, I am not sure and he's also real young, 14, and probably wouldn't take it seriously, so maybe she's right. Maybe in a few years, or never? But telling him would be the only way to get over it. But at the same time, why can't I just appreciate what I already have with him, a friendship? It's just this all has been going on for so long in my life it's frustrating, confusing, depressing, and just awful. It's getting old and It honestly just makes me want to commit suicide. I've done the same thing with every single crush; KEEP IT A SECRET. But Finally, telling him would be the only thing I've done different through all this, so don't ya think it would be a good thing? Please help? Thanks..
For instance, I like my best friend. I've actually liked him before we started becoming friends. I haven't ever told him how I feel..What's worse is that I don't even thinks he's into guys either. After liking him for about 4 months I couldn't stand it, I wanted him to notice me more and more, I always got jealous, so I told him I was gonna kill myself for attention. This was back in December and ever since our friendship has been awkward, he also got a girlfriend over that period of time..
Since it wasn't the same I convinced myself to hate him. I didn't wanna like someone I had zero contact with, or that seemed more straight. So that's what I did... My best friend eventually became the person I hated most.
Well last week I did a favor for him, that's all it was. Next thing I know we're walking to every period together, then talking all period, and texting after school. I can't believe I just pushed him aside these last few months. But the reason why is that I'm afraid, I was afraid I was gonna fall into my "lovesick, depression" again.. Well, now I do like him. I can deal with it a WHOLE LOT better. I don't get depressed over him hardly as often. But what I don't like is one thing.
This is the problem... I try to convince myself he's gay. I always picture us together, as a couple, happy, flirting and kissing, and living a perfect life.. Its just I like him so much, I can't accept the fact he's straight. I'm even trying to convince myself he's not, right now. It's depressing. Love is suppose to make you happy, this is the total opposite! So I've decided I'm gonna tell him. I have too. If he doesn't accept me, oh well. I've gone through not being friends with him before, so big deal.. Can you help? What do you think?
Another thing, I told a friend about all of this and she said not to do it. She said I'll scare him off forever, we won't be together, it's weird, and said to always keep it a secret. After that, she told me to go away because she had her own problems to worry about.. But yea, I am not sure and he's also real young, 14, and probably wouldn't take it seriously, so maybe she's right. Maybe in a few years, or never? But telling him would be the only way to get over it. But at the same time, why can't I just appreciate what I already have with him, a friendship? It's just this all has been going on for so long in my life it's frustrating, confusing, depressing, and just awful. It's getting old and It honestly just makes me want to commit suicide. I've done the same thing with every single crush; KEEP IT A SECRET. But Finally, telling him would be the only thing I've done different through all this, so don't ya think it would be a good thing? Please help? Thanks..