JDBerman
April 23rd, 2013, 05:40 PM
Well, I'm new to this and seeking help so I'm just going to try to be as straight-forward as possible. I'm also not sure if this is where this post belongs. I'm 18, and I've had suicidal thoughts and tendencies for about 7 months now. It's quite a long story so hold on to your seats..
Alright, first off... my best friend and I have been friends since we were 7 years old. We remained best friends until we were 11, when I hit fifth grade. My parents and his parents got in a big fight and my parents wouldn't let me hang out with him anymore. We didn't speak until 2 years ago. About 8 months ago I started secretly spending the night at his house, without my parents knowing, so I thought. My dad went so low as to track me on my iPhone. We got in a big fight and he kicked me out of the house, got me fired from my job, kicked out of school, and taken off of medical benefits. I haven't talk to any family member in over 6 months, they all deserted me because of my dad and step-mom.
I only had one really good friend in sixth grade, she was in fourth, we went to the same school together until I was in eighth grade then she moved away. Little did I know the entire time we were friends she was 'in love' with me. I tried talking to her after she left but she couldn't handle not seeing me. I got a hold of her one time when she said she's coming back to visit, about a year and a half after she moved. I was still excited to talk to her. She asked if I'd go to the county fair with her, and I said yes. We had an amazing time, talking about random things for hours like we use to. I later figured out she expected me to kiss her that night, which I didn't. That made her a little upset when she left. She wouldn't talk to me for another year after that. Then out of nowhere, when I felt like there was nothing for me to live for, she came back in my life at the perfect time and brought me back up, kind of. We were having a long-distance relationship and I was still very depressed after she left. She eventually couldn't handle my depression, and I begged her multiple times for a last chance after having big arguments.. She'd always give it to me, so I figured that'd happen every time we fight or something, I don't know. I just wouldn't stop fighting with her, and it drove her away. This was the first person I've ever felt love towards.. She blocked me on Facebook and changed her phone number, so I have no way of getting a hold of her anymore... I slit my wrists for 3 months because of that, thinking there was nothing left for me.
Then, again, at the 'perfect time', my dad's friend's daughter asked me out on a date, and I kind of liked her so I said yes. The same thing happened with her... She fell in love with me and kept trying to come back but I eventually just drove her away. That ended 2 days ago... and it feels like I have nothing...
Alright, first off... my best friend and I have been friends since we were 7 years old. We remained best friends until we were 11, when I hit fifth grade. My parents and his parents got in a big fight and my parents wouldn't let me hang out with him anymore. We didn't speak until 2 years ago. About 8 months ago I started secretly spending the night at his house, without my parents knowing, so I thought. My dad went so low as to track me on my iPhone. We got in a big fight and he kicked me out of the house, got me fired from my job, kicked out of school, and taken off of medical benefits. I haven't talk to any family member in over 6 months, they all deserted me because of my dad and step-mom.
I only had one really good friend in sixth grade, she was in fourth, we went to the same school together until I was in eighth grade then she moved away. Little did I know the entire time we were friends she was 'in love' with me. I tried talking to her after she left but she couldn't handle not seeing me. I got a hold of her one time when she said she's coming back to visit, about a year and a half after she moved. I was still excited to talk to her. She asked if I'd go to the county fair with her, and I said yes. We had an amazing time, talking about random things for hours like we use to. I later figured out she expected me to kiss her that night, which I didn't. That made her a little upset when she left. She wouldn't talk to me for another year after that. Then out of nowhere, when I felt like there was nothing for me to live for, she came back in my life at the perfect time and brought me back up, kind of. We were having a long-distance relationship and I was still very depressed after she left. She eventually couldn't handle my depression, and I begged her multiple times for a last chance after having big arguments.. She'd always give it to me, so I figured that'd happen every time we fight or something, I don't know. I just wouldn't stop fighting with her, and it drove her away. This was the first person I've ever felt love towards.. She blocked me on Facebook and changed her phone number, so I have no way of getting a hold of her anymore... I slit my wrists for 3 months because of that, thinking there was nothing left for me.
Then, again, at the 'perfect time', my dad's friend's daughter asked me out on a date, and I kind of liked her so I said yes. The same thing happened with her... She fell in love with me and kept trying to come back but I eventually just drove her away. That ended 2 days ago... and it feels like I have nothing...