Person_Of_Interest
April 21st, 2013, 10:05 PM
I really want to talk about this. Recently my dad and I have been arguing more and more. Than we used to and I can sense myself pushing farther away from him and starting to want to stop talking to him and deny the right of being my father for one thing: I didn't have thje relationship with him that all the little kids I see now do. :( :(:( :( :(
I don't know what to do. I'm freaked out that I will lose my connection with dad entirely and get my life made worse. Now all I can think of when I see a kid having fun with his dad is how ashamed I am of myself for not having a relationship with my dad like all these kids I see. I just want to die and end all this shame and hatred of myself. I hate myself just by looking at all these kids I see enjoying themselves with there father and doing the thing that I could only dream of now, but its like a second nature to them. I've now lost all the time that I could even have this relationship with my father, and I'm more depressed and want to self harm than ever before.
I don't know what to do. I'm freaked out that I will lose my connection with dad entirely and get my life made worse. Now all I can think of when I see a kid having fun with his dad is how ashamed I am of myself for not having a relationship with my dad like all these kids I see. I just want to die and end all this shame and hatred of myself. I hate myself just by looking at all these kids I see enjoying themselves with there father and doing the thing that I could only dream of now, but its like a second nature to them. I've now lost all the time that I could even have this relationship with my father, and I'm more depressed and want to self harm than ever before.