The School Knows?

[AmuraVasendiu]

On Thursday, I was called down to the office and asked if I was cutting. It was totally unexpected, and I just couldn't think of anything--a lie, an excuse, anything. Long story short...my school knows.

They're talking about counseling. My mom knows that I cut, but my dad, the parent I live with, doesn't. Along with summertime and short sleeves coming, now I have this to worry about.

So I suppose I'm looking for advice: What do I do now?

[RyanJF1]

The school is legally obligated to alert your parents if you are self harming. This is the same for counselors and administrators.

I suggest you seek a counselor. I did, and it helped a lot.

Good luck, and stay strong.

[CharlieHorse]

I see that you're new here :)
Welcome!
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We could help best if we know more about it. When did you start cutting? Why? How often do you do it? Are you experiencing depression?

[Person_Of_Interest]

Did any of your class mates know? The school foudn out for me when some kid that I don't even know saw my cuts in gym and freaked out and told the guidance counselor.that could be why they found out if anyone knew

[AmuraVasendiu]

As far as I know, in school, only one student knows, and she's not in my grade; she's a cutter too, but we've been helping each other, trying to find ways to stop (I showed her the butterfly technique I saw on here, and now both of our arms have several...thanks for that one).

But I did have a field trip the day before I got called in, so I'm thinking that someone saw them on there, maybe? I did take off my sweatshirt at one point because it was really hot outside, but I draped it over the arm I primarily use to hide them. But maybe someone saw them that way?

I started cutting a while ago, I don't know how long...December? January? February? Maybe even November. My dad cheated on my mom with someone like 15 years younger than him, and they're 'together' now, I suppose. She's talking about marriage, and they're both dropping hints everywhere about it, but no one's got the guts to tell me outright. Pictures of dresses left on the desk, leaving this little blue box with this stupid white tiara thing inside, wedding dress catalogues on the mini table in the living room. I heard from her daughter from her previous marriage (she was six at the time I think? Maybe seven) that "Mommy has her dress all picked out, it's blue, and they're getting married in May."

May. My birthday's in May. April first is when I found out my dad was cheating--April Fool's Day, ha ha. But what really hurt, and I found this out later, was that April first is also her birthday. All three of us volunteer at the local firehouse, and when she got a new helmet, she had my dad's surname put on it, instead of hers. I actually saw it before they brought it to the firehouse, but as my dad put it up on her rack for all to see, he just gave me this 'look' and said, "You're a big girl, you can figure it out."

I suppose I'm kind of ranting now. Sorry about that. But that, along with so much other stuff, just was...too much. It must've been December that I started, because I remember on January tenth, my first boyfriend asked me out, a guy I'd liked in secret for a while then. But I was too awkward and insecure, and we mutually broke up after three weeks, on the thirty-first. But I'm proud to say that I didn't cut at all during January.

This is getting really long now. But, yeah...there's a little (or a lot?) background info there. I'd also say I cut about once or twice a week, sometimes more or sometimes less depending on what goes on.

[Desuetude]

The school is legally obligated to alert your parents if you are self harming. This is the same for counselors and administrators

That's not true. They're only obliged if they think you're at great risk to yourself where the outcome could be fatal.

My school knows as well. The child administrator or whatever approached me and sat me down saying I looked 'sad' and made me tell her everything. My school has been really good about it, I do art therapy with my art teacher who I adore and she has a background of working with kids who self harm. I know that not all schools are like this and although mine is a complete shithole this is one of the few things they've done well. So if your school has actually come to you to ask you if you self harm and actually want to help, I'd say they're going to be good with it so please don't worry too much.

I say just go along with what they want. If you rebel and tell them you don't want to go then they're going to ask more questions and it'll get even more messy. Also it's a lot easier to stop if you have someone else behind you. With a counselor you might find that you get involved with other outlets that you can use as an alternative to self harm. You won't know whether it's any good until you try it.

As far as your dad knowing, is there any reason you wouldn't want him to know apart from the usual worrying, invasion of privacy etc. because in some cases things can improve when you have your family backing you up.

Summer is something every person that self harms has trouble with. The only advice I can give is to wear a bandage around it if it's in a contained area on your arms but otherwise, find another place to self harm. I'm not going to say stop completely because that's not going to help but just keep it hidden and use something like bio oil or vitamin e on your scars for a couple of months to try and get them to fade a little more. You can only do your best and hope people won't see. Other than that I suggest buying some light jackets that you wear over the top of your clothes.

[AmuraVasendiu]

Chanadler: Thanks for the advice concerning the school and counselors. I don't think I'd be able to tell my dad, though; he's an old Marine, and when he's not yelling at me, or finding something wrong in whatever I do, he ignores me. He actually almost found out once....during a training session at the firehousek it was really hot under full gear so I had on a tank top and had cut off a sleeve from an old shirt to hide the cuts. Since I'd told everyone that I'd fallen and cut my arm breaking my fall about a month ago, hoping to get some excuse to hide them a little longer, he wanted to see them. I said no; I mean, this was right in the middle of the full firehouse! What was I supposed to say? "Here, go ahead, let everyone see, why not?" Long story short, he grabbed my arm and pulled it up a bit, just enough I think to see the bottom two or three before I could get away, and just flipped.


He took me home right then, and didn't even yell, but he was seriously pissed off. I did manage to get away and shower, and went directly to bed. The next day after school, my mom picked me up to find out, saying that Dad had called in a panic the night before, saying he thought I was cutting myself, but they looked too "rough". (He had a friend as a young adult who had used razors to the point of needing stitches, really deep. So he didn't think I was, because they didn't look right, apparently.) Mom convinced him they weren't, and I told her everything. Turns out she used to cut too, as a kid. My dad's only asked once since then, but I managed to evade him--I was getting ready for bed, and told him no, since I didn't have a bra on. (I did.)

But yeah, I'm positive that telling my dad would be a very, very bad idea. But I do have my mom backing me up.


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