Self Harm Calendar

[Atonement]

....

[Zephyr]

Re-Opened some wounds on my legs.
4 cuts at work.
No promises for tonight,
I've tried just about everything to compose myself,
But nothing is working.

[george]

Re-Opened some wounds on my legs.
4 cuts at work.
No promises for tonight,
I've tried just about everything to compose myself,
But nothing is working.

:hug: I really hope you're okay, I'm always here if you wanna talk.

[Random_oso06]

ditto for me too if you got any problems just talk i won't judge just read my sign :D

[Zephyr]

Last night,
Right arm 15
Left arm 5

[DarkWingedAngel]

ok well
when i woke up i did 10 deep cuts on my leg and 20 medium
then when i got home from school i did 20 medium on my right upper arm(i switched arms)
and 2 deep on my upper arm as well
then like 20 minutes ago i did 10 medium on my thigh and 2 deep

[Atonement]

....

[theOperaGhost]

Addison, you are smart. You might get a little behind, but you can make it up and you certainly will not fail.

[Donkey]

Sorry but I can't understand self harming. It's just pointless. Don't...? It's not helping you.

[Atonement]

Sorry but I can't understand self harming. It's just pointless. Don't...? It's not helping you.

If you don't understand it, then this is not the place to post.

[Donkey]

If you don't understand it, then this is not the place to post.
Lemme rephrase: I understand completely. I just don't understand how they get themselves into it. It isn't helping them, and it's helping no one else. :/

[DarkWingedAngel]

i didn't do a lot today just
did 1 deep on my thigh and 10 medium
and 10 medium on my right upper arm

[ShatteredWings]

slammed head in pool wall a few times...
*sigh*

i know. it's gonna stop. i swear

[The Batman]

10 my grandma and her husband were arguing and I hate it when people argue it just reminds me of my parents and how physical they got so I just went outside and did it.

[Zephyr]

15 at the moment.

I feel so alone.
I'm so disappointed in myself.

[Atonement]

....

[DarkWingedAngel]

well for the first time today i burned myself on purpose

[just-me]

a nasty cut on my left hand (hurts like a bitch) and a burn on my right hand, i wasnt really thinkin about how im gunna cover them in the mornin :/

[Tori]

Lemme rephrase: I understand completely. I just don't understand how they get themselves into it. It isn't helping them, and it's helping no one else. :/

For me, at least, it started small, with fingernails. Maybe even before that, as when I was little I would devout time to picking at scabs or at the edges of my fingers.

It grows on you, gets bigger until you need to do more and more to get it to feel right. I don't think most people start with a cut down to the fat. Self-harm creeps up on you until you're too far in to stop. Maybe you don't even want to. I know I never thought I'd get all that deep.

Besides, it does help in the short-term, even if it's possibly harmful long-term. Most people don't think much about long-term consequences, though.

I don't think you can really understand it completely unless you do it yourself.

[SirRawrsalot]

I will be behind forever and fail.

It's pretty damn hard to flunk out of high school. I had a D average until late sophmore year. You won't fail, you're way (WAY) too smart. You can do it. Ride out the waves. Life will settle down as soon as you stop worrying about your future. Don't think more than 10 days in advance because you can't predict it. All you can do is live now and chose your actions so that you can benefit from them later. You're smart enough to do that. Everyone's capable.

[ShatteredWings]

addi, i'm a moron, and have A/B grades
You're smarter than me, and you won't fail, you can catch back up again. Just talk to your teachers, i'm sure they'll help you with the material you're lacking

[DarkWingedAngel]

well i did some burns only like 2 or 3
and like 15 deep cuts on my thigh and 25 medium
and now i get all these scabs on my arm and wrist to pick at

[Atonement]

....

[ShatteredWings]

:hug2:[to both]

dezi: what's goin on and buggin you?

addison: Alright, i get that. But can't you talk to a teacher who's giving the test. they can helpp you like i said. If your not prepaired, get prepaired. :)
Why did you get so far behind anyway?

[Atonement]

....

[DarkWingedAngel]

i don't know what is up with me lately
so yea

oh and i did 10 at school and 5 deep on my leg just about 10 minutes ago

[BlackenedSilver]

:hug2: To all!

Addison it will get better, and you will catch up. You might have to do a little bit extra work, but it will pay off.

Desi, Whats wrong?

[The Batman]

10 at about 4:00 a.m. something was keeping me up and i couldn't get over it.

[BlackenedSilver]

About 8 cuts.. Then I was hitting my foot until I almost passed out from the pain.
I couldnt take it anymore.. Im so pathetic, This is why he yells.

[DarkWingedAngel]

well i did a few burns and 5 deep cuts
and 20 medium
i think that is all for today


EDIT:great my mom took all my knifes and hid them now i can't cut
so instead im just picking at scabs

[DaretoFallup]

only like 30ish --------------Wednesday thru now (sunday)

[ShatteredWings]

As noting the time passed [4 days], you've been doing a lot better. let's try to stop compleatly, but im still happy for u :)

[DaretoFallup]

bleh 9 deep

[DarkWingedAngel]

wow today has been packed
i did 20 in class before lunch
then 10 in class after lunch
then when i got home i did 5 deep before i had to go to the tutor
then i just did 10 medium and 5 deep like 5 minutes ago

[DaretoFallup]

bleh 40ish deep

..................+20ish

[DaretoFallup]

spam??? ehhh 30ish more

[DarkWingedAngel]

^^ more like double post
and for me 5 more deep

[DaretoFallup]

idc right now about double posting if mods want they can merge them

But 2 more extremely deep

[DarkWingedAngel]

what is going on girl

[BlackenedSilver]

Last night. 10 Wrist, Not too deep.

[DaretoFallup]

20ish deep
about 30 more
*edit* 60ish

[Atonement]

....

[DarkWingedAngel]

well this morning i did some really small ones on my wrist because i had to go to school
when i got home i did 10 deep on my thigh
4 burns on my arm
and 20 medium on my thigh

[nachtspiegel]

I'm good at the moment, and it's been a few days but I need my release and I won't make it through the night
~

[BlackenedSilver]

About 20.. A few deep. On the wrist.

:( Im also very worried about Chelsea.. does anyone know how she is? I last spoke to her about.. ish.. 4 or 5 hours ago?

[DaretoFallup]

eh 5 deep til i got dizzy and fainted

[DarkWingedAngel]

get better soon Chelsea
as for me none so far today

[DaretoFallup]

tnx...3

[Atonement]

....

[nachtspiegel]

Last night. Wrist and legs. Lost count, but it wasn't too awful many. Not deep, but noticeable.

[DaretoFallup]

8, deep.

[not-strong-enough]

im new to this, NEEDED to get stuff out!!

early hours of this mornin, 4ish

at least 20 cuts
top of right leg
some are light some are pretty deep.

after like a week or so of not doin it!!

[Zephyr]

I just don't understand.
I was doing so well.
20.
At least I can cry finally.

[theOperaGhost]

What's wrong, Steph? Do you want to talk?

[Zephyr]

I'm weak.
I'm alone.
I want to tell my mom so bad,
But I lost my voice a long time ago,
And it's proving difficult to find it.
It's frustrating.
It makes me feel pathetic.
It makes me feel guilty for wanting to tell her.

[DaretoFallup]

30ish

[DarkWingedAngel]

Chelsea hope you get better soon girl :hug:

[Zephyr]

Then there was 25 more half an hour after I posted last.

[nachtspiegel]

I don't know how many. I don't have the heart to count. I'm feeling the same way I did on May 11th when I overdosed. Something is holding me here. I have to piss and I'm thirsty, but I'm afraid that if I get up, it'll lead to the last conscious thing that I ever do.

[DaretoFallup]

20ish

[Atonement]

....

[Zephyr]

8

I feel so guilty.

[just-me]

5 medium left thigh
i stopped myself before i burnt myself, kinda proud.

[DaretoFallup]

20ish a few mintues ago

*edit* 30ish

[Zephyr]

I didn't count.
I don't really want to.

I'm ashamed of myself :/

[Atonement]

....

[DaretoFallup]

10....i found a way

*edit* ....lost count

[Atonement]

....

[theOperaGhost]

Addi, you are doing better. I know you can keep getting better.

[Θάνατος]

2. At least I'm controlling myself a bit. Light.


Good job Addi I am proud of you keep being strong.

[Atonement]

....

[Zephyr]

She told me to go to the emergency room if I started feeling like doing it...
But I can't :/

5 at the moment :(

[theOperaGhost]

Steph, do something now...get with people or something, please hun!

[Zephyr]

Hot wax.
Then I accidentally sliced my finger open,
Earning me a trip to the store for cotton balls and bandaids.

[tombstonequeen]

four years
four years with out it
four years i had stopped
23 right leg
13 left
carved initials
38 arms and five on chest

[Atonement]

four years
four years with out it
four years i had stopped


Love, if you can go four years without it, you have proven that you don't need it. You have proven that you had beaten it. Now, by carving initials I am assuming this is about a lover. Don't let them effect you that much. You're better than that.

[xGodsMinionx]

Love, if you can go four years without it, you have proven that you don't need it. You have proven that you had beaten it. Now, by carving initials I am assuming this is about a lover. Don't let them effect you that much. You're better than that.

ive done the same thing. ive got an ex's name carved into the top of my left arm and about 2 other girls intials carved on my body =\ not the best idea.. but oh well i guess

and just because we've gone years without it...

doesnt mean its not still taunting us...


right wrist
medium
12 times
left wrist
??times
light...

[nachtspiegel]

it's been a few days
but i've been looking at my scars and this feeling won't go away
i'm starting to slip

[DarkWingedAngel]

well i have been scared shitless and did not realize what i was doing
10 deep on my thigh
10 medium on my upper arm
and 5 light on my wrist
wow my life is doomed

[Fiending_the_freedom]

6, medium on my thigh.

[DarkWingedAngel]

my mom took away my knife
so instead i tried to suffocate myself
i failed
and fail at life
it's all my fault i should have never done that
why do i deserve to live

[xGodsMinionx]

6, medium on my thigh.

tegan =[[ what happened?? i tried talkin to you last night but u were unresponsive..

i hope ur okay...

[Fiending_the_freedom]

I'm ok now,
When i did it,
i was very drunk,
and sad,
and by myself.

*edit*
i guess i'm not ok now,
carved, "worthless' into my thigh. medium.

[just-me]

7 medium right thigh, aint stopped yet.

[DarkWingedAngel]

I'm ok now,
When i did it,
i was very drunk,
and sad,
and by myself.

*edit*
i guess i'm not ok now,
carved, "worthless' into my thigh. medium.

why what's wrong
are you ok

[Atonement]

*edit*
i guess i'm not ok now,
carved, "worthless' into my thigh. medium.

Irony is you mean the world to so many people here.

[nachtspiegel]

I carved something into my left leg, but I'd prefer not to say what it is. I have in excess of a hundred scars on my body and I have a feeling that the number is going to climb. I need my fix again and I wish I could just sleep it off, but my routine has been slice to sleep. The release helps to kill the problems I've been having to wind down at night.

[Zephyr]

Didn't count.
I just don't care anymore.
Most everybody is expecting me to fake being happy,
Telling me that I can control my feelings and emotions,
That I just choose not to.
I was TOLD this by my boss and sister.
Which pissed me off and made me cry.
I fucking can't control it.
So I just went until I couldn't feel anymore.

[nachtspiegel]

I'm really sorry to hear that, Steph. I don't have anything magical, or even useful to say, because I hear the same thing... but I saw that you posted here and came back before logging off to see what had happened. Stay safe tonight, even though I can truly feel to the core how going in the complete opposite direction is so appealing...

[Zephyr]

Shoulders
Thighs
Stomache
Chest
Breasts

...

All shallow,
Just enough to bleed.
I lost count after 58.

...

I'm so sorry madre...
I've let you down :(

[DaretoFallup]

a few...deepish ....like idk

[RubyRedRegret]

08 November 2008

-9
-Left Thigh
-Shallow and Medium

[ShatteredWings]

i'm not sure..

like 5?[alright... five is really being nice.. one is like 5 or six on top of eachother]
shalow...


fuck

but i feel better...


this is loverly.. reallllyyy.. proof that i'm weak?


alrite it seems i was quite wrong... about 12.. but most of them are in one place, overlapping eachother. all shallow, didn't bleed much i don't think but it's gonna leave a mark

[ShatteredWings]

spam...


biting, hard.......
bt it feels better....icant stop

[ShatteredWings]

further spam, who .who caress?


I CANT STHOP.. THIS.. I CANT STOP......help



hand gona be a mess in the morning...

[DarkWingedAngel]

sorry Austin i betrayed you
5 medium

[theOperaGhost]

girl;388390']i'm not sure..

like 5?[alright... five is really being nice.. one is like 5 or six on top of eachother]
shalow...


fuck

but i feel better...


this is loverly.. reallllyyy.. proof that i'm weak?

girl;388570']spam...


biting, hard.......
bt it feels better....icant stop

girl;388578']further spam, who .who caress?


I CANT STHOP.. THIS.. I CANT STOP......help



hand gona be a mess in the morning...

Gwyn, what happened, hun? :hug:

[DarkWingedAngel]

wow harsh night
20 fairly deep
and 10ish medium
i also carved die in my thigh

[Zephyr]

Didn't count.
Doesn't matter anymore.

[ShatteredWings]

Gwyn, what happened, hun? :hug:

im not sure..

'cause the first post, i don't really know what happened really... it just.. idk it jst happened.. [im telling the truth, id ont remeber much]

second it.. really... really bad anxiety attack... spent most of the night talking to laura trying to calm down enough to go to bed [didn't want to go because of the nightmares comming back, but that's probably a seprate issue]

[DarkWingedAngel]

awwww hope your doing better today Gwyn

[ShatteredWings]

a bit.. i.. havne't done anything seriously bad.. er well it dint make what was there much worse..

[DarkWingedAngel]

awww hope you get better :hug:

[BlackenedSilver]

:hug2:
Feel better Gwyn.


11 - Medium, thigh.
I cracked.. Im so pathetic, why couldnt I make it 2 weeks!! :mad:

[ShatteredWings]

thanks guys :)

further damage to left hand.. =/ not sure which is worse, because i know the biting WILL fuck up how my hand moves

[DarkWingedAngel]

6 burns that's all...... for now
oh and i bit my whole nail off it hurts like hell

[ShatteredWings]

yeah, don't do that.. nails take forever to grow back
:hug:

[BlackenedSilver]

3 - shallow, Right thigh.
1 - Deep, Left arm.

:mad:

[DarkWingedAngel]

4 more burns

[Atonement]

....

[nachtspiegel]

Bad enough to completely soak almost an entire roll of toilet paper with blood. The phrase I carved into my leg is like an art project. Before it can heal, I redo it, and at this point, I feel like it might not go away. I got so desperate earlier that I spent fifteen minutes breaking open a disposable razor pack. I cut my finger open trying to use it, but I got my much needed release and it kept me from doing something worse.

I'm sorry that I'm so weak. At this point, I can't even make it to my knees.
:(

[The Batman]

If there's something going on that you want to talk about I'm pretty much always free to talk. Just message me or something.

[Atonement]

....

[tombstonequeen]

he was my fiancee....

[Zephyr]

I found my knife.
No more stupid razor.

Didn't keep track.
I just need to bleed.

[jacknife]

I just need to bleed.
Me too...

No more of this simple red mark bullshit like the last time. Tonight I will cut deep enough to bleed. And bleed a lot I hope.

Except the knives in this place aren't sharp enough. :( I need better ones. This is awful.

[Malcolm Tucker]

I found my knife.
No more stupid razor.

Didn't keep track.
I just need to bleed.

What's wrong steph, you can resist it you know. You're strong, just keep telling yourself that :) :hug:

[BlackenedSilver]

Feel better steph :hug2:

Around 4 at school, right thigh.

:mad:

[girlygirl]

4 - shallow upper arm
2 - quite deep right thigh

...

[electric7rocker]

i hate getting dumped
its not that now i have a reason to si
i just dont have a reason not to anymore
i havent yet but im not optimistic

[ShatteredWings]

eh.. gonna say it anyway... i havn't cut, but i've bitten my fingers up again, an kinda picked at the worst one.. which i think might be infected already

[DarkWingedAngel]

8 burns (it was a hard day)
i bit another nail off
and im just getting started

[Zephyr]

8 shallow
top of the left wrist

[edit]

Make that 15

[just-me]

10 medium thighs

[edit]
make that 15

[edit]
make that 20, gettin deaper, but i think ive stopped.

[DarkWingedAngel]

none sofar but i bet i will later after my mom leaves

[nachtspiegel]

I am okay for now, but I imagine that I'll lose control again as the day goes on.

[The Batman]

7 that's all I needed to spell the word that defines me.

[Donkey]

Fuck, Shiver, knife is not your friend.

[DarkWingedAngel]

well yea as i said i probably would
4 burns
8 deep cuts

[DaretoFallup]

20ish....deep

[The Batman]

Another word=10 more

[Zephyr]

Random assortment throughout the day.
Didn't count.
Just need to bleed.

[The Batman]

Ended with 3 more last night.

[nachtspiegel]

Last night was bad.
My legs look horribly mangled, and I went deep, time and time again.
Just, not enough to have to go to the ER.

[girlygirl]

3 or 4 on upper arm .....

[DaretoFallup]

i lost count after 27 deepish

and like 10ish

[nachtspiegel]

I really should be in bed but I know that I'm going to fall apart and run to my razors as soon as I shut my bedroom door.
:(

edit, 9:08AM - ended the night with ten light ones on my legs before i finally passed out at three.

[BlackenedSilver]

Last night:
2 deep, (One leg, One arm.)
20 cuts, with one word.

[DaretoFallup]

...a lot ....i stopped counting after 30 half deep other enuf to bleed

[DarkWingedAngel]

well i have not done it in a day....yet
but this is what i did last night
32 deep on my forearm

[DaretoFallup]

blah what i did earlier + 20ish more (deep)

[Atonement]

....

[george]

....

[BlackenedSilver]

last night.. guessing about 30. cba to count them.

[nachtspiegel]

My legs are going to be more scar tissue than anything when it's all said and done. I was fine until about 2am, and then I just started feeling a wide range of emotions that I had tried to block out all day yesterday. I spent 45 minutes getting the bleeding to stop, and that's about all the detail I have. I don't want to count.

[nachtspiegel]

Last night...
I realized that I've gotten back to the point that cutting isn't enough for me anymore.
I don't know what lengths I'll go to so that I will get that same feeling back.
:|

[DarkWingedAngel]

2 burns and 20 deep cuts on my forearm

[Zephyr]

Christ I'm sick...
I had a 3-day streak going.

These are deeper than normal.
And I don't even feel a thing.
No physical pain...
Just the empty, lonely, worthless waste of space that is me.

[BlackenedSilver]

Last night..

A lot of little shallow cuts, One deep.

[DarkWingedAngel]

20 shallow cuts on my for arm
2 deep cuts on my thigh
5 burns
and im just getting started

[DaretoFallup]

......too many.....stopped counting at 30........then stopped counting at 37......then 25 .....

[DarkWingedAngel]

wow hope you get better Chelsea:hug:

[nachtspiegel]

Over a hundred.
I locked the door and tore my room apart.
My sister found my other cutting tools, but I won't say what they were.
I found something else and had my way with it.

:(

[BlackenedSilver]

Alot on my thigh. Medium.
5 on my arm + 1 deep.

[Zephyr]

A couple deep ones today.

Can't make any promises that tonight will be good :/

[Atonement]

A couple deep ones today.

Can't make any promises that tonight will be good :/

Te amo y usted lo sabe.

[girlygirl]

13 on arm and 2 deep on thigh .....

[DaretoFallup]

too many to count, over 50 i know that pretty deep before school about 25, during school 15ish

another 30ish, i need help

[DaretoFallup]

...new day 60ish total

[DarkWingedAngel]

10 burns
re-opened my current cuts
30 deep on my thigh
and 20 deep on my forearm
tried to kill myself agen to

[Zephyr]

10 right shoulder
Very deep.
The bleeding won't stop.

[edit]

Lost count.
All I really know is that I'm bleeding.
A lot.
It feels so much better now.

[japanman]

*hug* steph even tho it feels so good it comes with a cost, your blood and the more blood you loose then the more cooridanation you lose or if you lose alot you could even die.
You can resist, i know you can :)

[BlackenedSilver]

Last night: 2 deep forearm, lots on thigh.

I really hope everyone is better today, :hug2:

EDIT: 1 deep forearm today.

[DarkWingedAngel]

20 medium on my upper arm
10 deep on my leg
5 burns
and carved(tried) the word pathetic on my other thigh

wow im so pathetic

[DaretoFallup]

over 100 total pretty deep......

[The Batman]

30 it's amazing that you can't even trust your family.

[Prince_of_Peace]

I dont understand why anyone would like to harm themselves...it this like normal?

[Callwaiting]

I dont understand why anyone would like to harm themselves...it this like normal?

Nobody likes "harming" themselves. However most SH'ers don't see cutting/burning as harming themselves, to them it's something of a coping mechanism to deal with whatever they need to deal with. It's not "normal" in the sense that most people do it, but it isn't a freakish or weird thing to do either, if you get what I mean.

[george]

I dont understand why anyone would like to harm themselves...it this like normal?

It's not that they LIKE to self harm, it's just their way of relieving stress when they are really stressed out. Think of it like this, back in the 17 and 1800's in developing colonies in whats now, the United States, if you had a head ache, they would cut open a small patch on your head and let blood flow because they thought head aches meant that there was to much blood in their heads. In a sense, the blood is their stress "flowing" away from their body.



Note: The part about the head aches was something I learned when I went to Virginia so it might be wrong because I forgot some of the stuff I learned there.

[BlackenedSilver]

3 deep forearm.
1 deep shoulder.

[Atonement]

....

[BlackenedSilver]

3 deep - forearm
50 shallow - thigh

[DarkWingedAngel]

10 really deep on my forearm
20 medium on my leg
and in class i used my pocket knife and did 5 on my ankle
planning to try and kill myself agen, haven't done it yet but i might

[ShatteredWings]

dezi, you may not die


Um... yeah i've bitten my hands up, and about half an hour ago i slammed my head hard into a locker

[DarkWingedAngel]

^^ I know I won't but I can try!

[ShatteredWings]

no, you may not try to. alright?

[Zephyr]

Earlier today.
6 medium
3 on each arm.

[eikookmi]

I don't even know Desi, but it bothers me everytime he posts that he harmed himself.

[DarkWingedAngel]

30 left leg medium
10 left forearm deep(running out of space)
8 burns
and that's all i could take before school

[girlygirl]

15 shallow on left arm .. :(

[DarkWingedAngel]

5 in math class they were sorta like surface scratches
10 really deep when i got home before swimming
then 30 pretty deep on my stomach after i got back from swimming
and a lot on my legs(stopped counting after 35)

[Zephyr]

Re-opened a few...
Stupid, I know.

[DarkWingedAngel]

25 pretty deep on my forearms and stomach

[girlygirl]

7 deep on thigh..

[Atonement]

....

[theOperaGhost]

Sorry, Addi.

[george]

....

[DarkWingedAngel]

25 on my forearms pretty deep
a lot on my stomach i stopped counting after 40 deep
then a lot on my thighs medium

[bethsanderson]

20 wrist deep
HATE carved into forearm deep
What happened 'something corporate' Oxo

[DarkWingedAngel]

life is just being a pain in the ass right now and I hate it!
plus really suicidal and depressed




oh i did more to
not going to say because it was too much

[Callwaiting]

Seven deep on my thigh so nobody will see.

WTF is it that once you start you can't stop I hate it so much

[nachtspiegel]

Somewhere around twenty, deep, on my legs. I lost so much blood that I almost passed out and I still cannot completely feel my legs.
I feel amazing.

[xGodsMinionx]

Worthless carved in left arm. medium
25 cuts around it between elbow and wrist.
medium-deep

god my girlfriends gonna kill me...

more cutts to come...


sorry guys :(

[Zephyr]

15 medium.
Right arm.

[DarkWingedAngel]

carved hate into my leg medium
stopped counting after 40 deep on my other leg
re-opened cuts on my arm and made new deep ones

[DaretoFallup]

30ish today

[nachtspiegel]

One day gone down the drain.
Five on left leg, two on left foot, re-carved something that I had previously carved into my left leg.
All deep.

[DaretoFallup]

over 100

[DarkWingedAngel]

35 really deep on my thigh
25 deep on my stomach
and 10 burns


it was a really tough day and i caved when i got home

[DaretoFallup]

+ 50ish