Self Harm Calendar

[Barelythere]

Last night,
close to 20,
wrist and ankle,
medium, lot of blood,
18 days gone :(
just couldnt cope with it anymore

[schrei jess]

Last week I made 20, shallow cuts on my left arm, and I kept recutting on of the cuts. All my cuts are shallow because I never had anything but scissors.

Last night I found a pocket knife, made that one cut deeper. A lot of blood, I have a blood disorder where I dont clot fast enough. It was so fascinating.

[-Silence]

Eight, last night.

[-=D=-]

November 16
right wrist 4 times
medium
then i got lightheaded and fell over, then crawled to my comp.

[Lost_and_fallen]

2, left arm
It's been over a year
fuck

[Whisper]

2, left arm
It's been over a year
fuck

aww hunny :hug3:
its okay alright
slips happen its not your fault
it'll be alright

~xXx~

[schrei jess]

2, left arm
2, upper arm & shoulder

And I used a bottle cap because I had no knife and dug them deep on the inside of my wrist, so there are tow circular cuts now.

[terith]

Hey Willow...what happened??? does sum1 need a hug??? hehe.

[terith]

Going on 1 year w/o it!!

[Barelythere]

just cut, right arm, 'i desreve it'
i dont no why i even did it, ive bn thinking about it for ages, las time was 12 november, im so stupid, today has bn to much, i just want to cry

[diStURbEd]

Jan 2

Left arm

9 times Right Arm (medium - deep)

5 Times Right Shoulder (deep)

[krazy_katie]

21 cuts
right forearm and wrist
ranging from really deep to shallow

[krazy_katie]

50+
arms and legs
deep-shallow

[krazy_katie]

5
right forearm
deep

[Ethannnnnn]

4
left wrist
medium-deep

[-Silence]

April 10th, Twenty-two on my right arm.
...Close to five months down the drain, longest I went in a couple years.

[trueboredom]

April 16

upper right arm 10 times shallow - medium

[Whisper]

May 6th 2007

28
left arm
medium

...perdy

[Mannequin]

I would give you sympathy, but I doubt it would help. I just want you to stop. :(

[unknown(to_myself)]

May 6th
right leg
4 times
shallow (1/8 a cm..yes i do have it marked on my knife where 1/8, 1/4, and 1/2 cm are...)
Because I guess I needed to be sure that I was alive and that came in the form of seeing blood...

[unknown(to_myself)]

May 9th
7 cuts
shallow-medium (no clue exactly how deep..)
left leg
cause i went insane and had to

[schrei jess]

May 15th
Carved the word 'Weak'
on my thigh.

What happened to me?
This time around, Im hiding it, and it's staying on my thighs.

[-Silence]

What happened to me?
This time around, Im hiding it, and it's staying on my thighs.

But you know it doesn't work like that, you say it'll stay on your thighs but it never does. You know this, why go through it again?

[schrei jess]

I already gave in, it's got me now.
I dont know what else to do,
Im going to have to make myself
keep it on my thighs, Ill have to try.

[-Silence]

It doesn't have you now, you can count it as what it is, a slip up, that's it, not the beginning of it all over again.

If you think you can stop, then you can. If you lose hope and say 'that's it, I'm done' then yes you'll continue to cut over and over and over again, and you will be miserable. Quite possibly you could end up back in the mental hospital. Just don't lose hope. Don't let yourself lose hope. You can beat this hun.

What you can do, is get rid of what you just used, get rid of anything you could use, that way when the urge is there you'll have to go out of your way to find something to use. Hospitalize your room to where there isn't any 'sharps' around. If you have an urge and there is a razor laying around and a pen, the razor would be a hell of alot easier, but say you got rid of all the razors and all you find is a pen, you'd have to do some digging to get the relief you need, and you have more of a chance of the urge passing before you get that relief.

And you know you can't keep it hidden, because eventually there will be that one time that you go to deep (even on your thighs) or that one time that you feel daring and decides to wear something that quite possibly expose the cuts, someone will find out. Someone always does. And once one person finds out, it spreads. People love their gossip.

But sorry, I don't mean to preach.

Hang in there.

[schrei jess]

I thought I could stop, I thought I was done - but it's just too hard when everyday, whenever something bothers me, I immediately start thinking about cutting myself. And I know that if anyone finds out, then Im back to the mental hospital - that's why Im really going to make an effort to hide it.

My room really has nothing to cut with, I had to search to find what I used last night.
I EDITED OUT THE PART THAT TOLD HOW YOU DID IT ~ Bobby

And Ive never cared about hiding it before, once I told my parents, I felt no reason to hide it. I dont care what people at school think of it, the people that know me already find me weird, their opinions of me couldnt get any worse. Before, when the cutting/burning was on my arms, I wouldnt try to hide it, sleeves annoy me really badly. If it was bugging me, Id roll the sleeves up and make up an excuse, blame it on my dog. That flies with most people. I always wear jeans anyway, so that will cover the cuts. No one will see it. Ill make sure of it this time.

Thanks for that Heather, though, it just helps to know someone cares and at least understands.

[Ironic Infidel In England]

42 on left arm, medium deep, burn on right arm and elbow, 5cm in diameter for both.

[Everglow]

Friday, May 18 overdose..zoloft and allegra d drank with a bottle of tequila. I can't believe I did it

[trueboredom]

May 21

about 15-20 cuts on the upper right arm

man there's a lot of stress right now >.<

[Whisper]

allot...

But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstreched
Awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

[-Silence]

I'm sorry Cody.
:hug2:


Four, yesterday morning. Nothing major, it'll scar like the rest. But I'm still breathing, so...you know.

[unknown(to_myself)]

yesterday.. (the 29th i think)
medium-deep

[Ironic Infidel In England]

Left arm, 25 cuts, deep. right arm, a burn, 7cm diameter.

I'm sorry Steven. I couldn't stop myself.

[kittyqq]

right wrist
8 x
shallow

[Ethannnnnn]

left arm
4
deep

[FreakInTheSheets]

-privates ( yea u noe that place between ur legs )
-three times
-left area

yea .. i was dumped

[unknown(to_myself)]

June 12
Dont know how many cuts..but i carved out "failure" (quite appropriate really...im never gonna be able to give this up a failure is wut ill always be and not just with self harm but with everything)

[Ironic Infidel In England]

30, and very, very deep. I think I'm going to need to go to the hospital for these.. I'm so fucking stupid.

[Bobby]

IIIE, I'm sorry to hear that you gave in. You should go to the hospital, so that it doesn't get infected. I hope you can last longer next time.

[Ironic Infidel In England]

I don't know.. Lots and lots and lots.

[Serenity]

:( I'm sorry sweetie

Try to stay strong- today's a new day. Look on it as another chance to start over. What's done is done, and we can't change that. What we can control is how we live today, and you've got lots of willing friends to help you here :daisy:

[Sapphire]

Thanks Val, sadly your confidence is a luxury of those looking from the outside in.
I am really trying to prevent it from happening again. But at the moment I have just got so much weighing down on me.

[Serenity]

sadly your confidence is a luxury of those looking from the outside in.

:( I know. But I, and I know I speak for a lot of people on here, am here for you for moral support :yes: Hang in there, girl.

[RaisingSand]

12-13 cuts
Right arm
Medium :/

[Sapphire]

I am sorry to hear you are feeling bad atm angelina, do you want to talk about it?

[Ironic Infidel In England]

I hate myself... I stumble for the first time in a month, and the knife slips, and the blood won't stop... At least I've kept off my arms this time... but my stomach and chest look like I've been mauled and the flowing blood won't stop.. Taken some blood clotters, but no difference yet.. the pain and the blood feel good though. BUt I won't go to hospital. if I've gone to far, then so be it. and I think I have. blood's slowing.. God I look a wreck. Why do I do this? it helps nothing. nothing at all. I am nothing worth looking at. And the urges are back already? what the hell. I just did it, and they're back already? no. I won't. fuck you. fuck you. get the fuck out of my head, shut up, no, no, no... back off. I won't, I promised him! no! fuck off! leave me alone, and shut the fuck up! please, please... shut up I'm begging you, be quiet.. let me have some peace. And the blood has stopped. I feel weak.

[MoveAlong]

Alex, don't beat yourself up! You went that long without it. You accomplished something, and even if it seemed like you "failed", remember that you made it this far without cutting.
Talk to someone who you know won't beat you up for it...

[-Silence]

I want to so bad and it's stupid because there isn't anything going on.

I just want to feel it. I want to feel something.

I don't understand why I'm like this, I haven't cut in what feels like forever, and I'm happy, atleast I think so. Everthings going alright, but I want to slice that razor clean through my arm. I want to. I feel like I need to, and I feel like it needs to be deep, like the other one.

I'm sorry, I just don't understand.

[Sapphire]

*hugs Heather*

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling right now. The urges will stay with us (in varying degrees) for the rest of our lives. We just have to try to stay strong. Can you try to occupy yourself with something?

[-Silence]

Can you try to occupy yourself with something?

That's why I am here.

[Sapphire]

Ok, my inbox is always open if you want to chat x

[-Silence]

What happened?

:hug2:

[-Silence]

I'm sorry hun
Hang in there. :)

[-Silence]

Please be safe.
:hug2:

[-Silence]

Seventeen, arm.
I just fell apart.

So much for my four months.

[Sapphire]

:hug: Hope you are safe now Heather.
Four months is something to be proud of!

[Star_boi]

Right wrist 2 shallow

[Evrythng_im_not]

Right arm. 12... I'm gonna die tonight

[sashoma]

today

left wrist..2..shallow

and right thigh..2..medium

[sashoma]

left wrist 3 medium..

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Well, today is a sad day. It's been a little over a year since my suicide attempt and I had said that I wouldn't harm myself again, but I just got so frusturated. 9 shallow up my left leg and 3 on my left arm, also shallow. Over the course of the day, 12.... wow. I feel like shit for that. Atleast I got over one year.

[Sapphire]

*hugs both of you*
You can always drop me a line if you want to chat.


Tonight, 3 (maybe 6) shallow across my stomach...

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Wow, stomach? Ouch. I have a hard time talking about cutting myself... I'm thinking about waiting until kiros or 5ive is online. I'm having some issues lately.


1 more, almost all the way around my right leg. shallow. I thought I might as well since I already had 12....

[Ironic Infidel In England]

Two, back of left arm. Deep. Did them last night, and they're still bleeding on the dressings.

[moisesruiz]

off the subject but what if one sees fit for the only way out is killing them selve

[thesphinx]

off the subject but what if one sees fit for the only way out is killing them selve
Than I would say that they need to get medical help because they must have some psychological problems, if your thinking of suicide you need too get help from a professional.

[lost]

hm 3 needles through my skin.. and 6 shallow cuts medium-small on left arm

[spawnicus]

left top fore-arm
12 times
shallow

just before the elbow
1 smiley
till the skin was gone

[lost]

i cut again.. wooudnt stop bleedin and when it did i sliced it off again

[Malcolm Tucker]

I cant stop doing it.

Erm, both thumbs, about 8mm deep. It stings.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

I got about 3 weeks...

4 cuts on my arm... about 3 mm deep. Not much, but it's something to be ashamed of after all those weeks, waisted.

[NextToNormal]

I got about 3 weeks...

4 cuts on my arm... about 3 mm deep. Not much, but it's something to be ashamed of after all those weeks, waisted.

i understad how you feel. 7 weeks went down the drain yesterday...10 cuts on my thigh, some deep...some not. :(

[Sapphire]

I got about 3 weeks...

4 cuts on my arm... about 3 mm deep. Not much, but it's something to be ashamed of after all those weeks, waisted.

i understad how you feel. 7 weeks went down the drain yesterday...10 cuts on my thigh, some deep...some not. :(

It is not to be ashamed of. You should be proud you got that far without having to cut. Now, try to match it and last a bit longer.

[sashoma]

went almost a week without cutting..... doesnt seem like much but its a long time for me.

6 deep cuts on left wrist about 1.5 inches deep, almost hit my vein. and uncountable shallow ones on my right wrist.

[Star_boi]

13th dec numb cut into my left arm and hate into my right arm and 4 cuts on each hand and 6 up each wrist :'(

[Nighter]

Today.....

60 cuts on my left arm.

Most very shallow, some...not so shallow. Lately, I've been going deeper and deeper....and more often.

[Sapphire]

*hugs Nighter* whats going on for you? Do you want to talk about any of it?

(Last night I did it again but refuse to count them)

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

:( I'm sorry. Try and stay strong. Just make it through the night!

:hug:

[Atonement]

....

[girlygirl]

hadn't cut in about 3 months but thing just
got to me and i cut 2day bout 6 or 7 cuts on my
arms quite deep but still shallow....

[Atonement]

....

[Malcolm Tucker]

:hug: What happened?

[Atonement]

unhappiness struck again... and unhappiness is coming back and i am worried.

[girlygirl]

another 7 or 8 cuts on each arm sum really deep sum really shallow ....

[thesphinx]

Sorry to hear that girlygirl, just remember that everyone makes mistakes.

[Atonement]

....

[Atonement]

....

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

:hug: We're here for you, Addison.

[Serenity]

Ditto that :hug:

[byee]

Addison, this is very concerning for me, i'm concerned here. What happened?
Please let us know what's going on, feel free to PM me, but don't cut, OK, we like you too much for this, let us help, OK?

[Axellance]

thats a little x-treme there addison
you need to slow down i am worried!!

[Atonement]

....

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

:( If you ever need to talk, Addison, we're all listening. I won't push it if you don't want to, but please know that the option is always there. If there is anything we can do to help I'm sure everyone would be glad to do it.

[Serenity]

:( If you ever need to talk, Addison, we're all listening. I won't push it if you don't want to, but please know that the option is always there. If there is anything we can do to help I'm sure everyone would be glad to do it.

What she said. We all hate to see you hurting yourself like this, and you know my PM box is always open :hug:

[Atonement]

....

[Atonement]

....

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

If you can, tell an adult. They will get you the help you need to quit, and to feel better in the end. Otherwise just stay strong. You can beat this, I know you can. :)

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

Hey, I told you you don't need to apologize. We're all here to support you and you don't ever need to feel bad for that! :hug:

[Atonement]

If I didn't feel bad for anything, I wouldn't be doing this.

[Serenity]

True. But don't feel like you're a nuisance or an annoyance because you're not. VT is designed for people who need help and support, that's why we're all here :daisy:

[Atonement]

hey, nuisance, great word to describe me. lol

[Sapphire]

*hugs*
No one here is a nuisance. We all here to help each other through those difficult times.

[Serenity]

Definitely is not. You are my friend and that at least should count for something. :hug:
And for the record, I don't make friends with nuisances, so no worries :)

[Atonement]

sorry bout that.

[Serenity]

Stop being sorry. Friends help friends, that's the way it works. :daisy:

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

I guess it was better than what I was going to do. But its still bad.

Both true. :hug:

[Atonement]

....

[RIP_banana]

what is making you cut in the first place?? you dont have to share if you dont want to. or you can PM me. (i think that meas private message :S haha)
maybe you should tell an adult so they can help you out.
just take one day at a time and be strong. i know that you have the strength to stop.

[Atonement]

....

[japanman]

atonment dont let it win you can resist you can resist cuttig dont let it control i hope your doing good :( dont let it control you

[The Batman]

You don't have to cut atonement please don't hurt yourself like that

[Atonement]

....

[Malcolm Tucker]

Addison, while it's a good thing you didn't cut as much as per usual, you still cut. What's going on mate? Hope you stop :)

[Atonement]

....

[Axellance]

Addison,
dont appologise to us you need to quit but the last thing you need to do is worry about our feelings. youll get there buddy and you knoe im always here to talk if you need to. your on the right track just keep trying. Dont give up even though it may feel like a major setback, take it as your slowy pushing forward.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

[Atonement]

....

[electric7rocker]

addison... every time i read your posts about this, it makes my stomach turn. i hate even reading about you hurting yourself this much. if theres anything i can do please pm me....

[Atonement]

I am sorry that I make your stomach turn, I will stop posting it.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Addison, she wasn't telling you to stop, she was expressing a wanting to help you. Post away if you want to, if it helps. We're all here for you.

[Atonement]

well, if it makes her uncomfortable, why would I continue to post it?

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Because it's not about her, it's about you. And like I said, she wasn't trying to complain so much as let you know she cares about you.

[electric7rocker]

exactly. couldnt have said it better

[Atonement]

....

[electric7rocker]

why? what is going on to make you hurt this bad?

[Malcolm Tucker]

Why, what happened ?

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

:hug:

[electric7rocker]

addison... really. whats going on?

[Atonement]

addison... really. whats going on?

Well... just a bunch of stupid things affecting my life that make me upset and well... yeah

[Atonement]

soon about six more. really deep, just above wrists. sorry to disappoint

[Atonement]

27, opps.

[Atonement]

....

[Bobby]

Just keep trying to resist the urge.
It can be done.

[Serenity]

:hug: We're still here for you, and we always will be. Just keep fighting.

[Malcolm Tucker]

Yeah, we're all here for you if you need us :)

[electric7rocker]

dude were like your own personal motivating army! you can do it.

[Atonement]

wow... motivation all over the place :D

[Serenity]

:hug: That's what we're here for :)

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Yeah Addison, we're like your own personal cheerleading squad! Addison, Addison, he's our man, he can do it, we know he can! w00t! All silliness aside though, we all just want to do our best to help you out, whatever happens. S'what friends do. :)

[Atonement]

....

[Patchy]

Addison, you dont like the stinging do you?
Please mate I really am starting to get concerned

I'm here for you mate :hug:

[Atonement]

Please mate I really am starting to get concerned




Now if you do anything, don't be concerned, please, that will drive me nuts.

[electric7rocker]

we cant help it. cmon addison you can resist.

[Atonement]

no relaly, dont be concerned, nothing drives me more nuts than my actions effecting other people.

[electric7rocker]

your actions will effect people for the rest of your life. please just keep working on it.

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

Stop apologizing. And I've told you, we're only concerned because we care about you, and if anything that should make you feel better, not guilty. That's what friends are for! :hug:

[Atonement]

See, I understand concerned as upset/unhappy. And I hate that something I do makes some one upset. I cant take it.

[Serenity]

It's just that we don't like to see you hurting yourself. You're too much of a good person.

[Atonement]

Thanks... I guess.

[Serenity]

You're welcome. I know. :hug:

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

:hug: Stay strong Addi.

[Atonement]

....

[Atonement]

....

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

As much as it's not good to hear that you're hurt, Addison, four medium-depth cuts does sound like an improvement on the 20 some-odd that's been typical in the past. Keep working on it, soon enough it'll be one or two shallow cuts, and then no cuts at all. You can do this, I know it. :) :hug:

[electric7rocker]

what do you mean "4 cuts soon"?
like you havent done them yet but you know youre going to?
dude. be optimistic!!

[Atonement]

....

[electric7rocker]

looks like were both kinda hypocritical....

[Atonement]

yeah, I know...

[Atonement]

....

[girlygirl]

gave in again

13-15 cut on my arms
quite deep.....:(

[Atonement]

:hug: stay strong... oh I am such a hypocrit

[girlygirl]

yup it's so easy to say stay
strong but yet so hard do do.......

[Atonement]

well yeah, I say to stay strong to dozens of people a day and look at my post a couple posts up, I am kind of a hypocrit

[girlygirl]

Lol.... sorry its ok i knw what you mean
by saying stay stong thanx lol

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

It may be hard to do, but you both know it's what you need to do in order to quit, which is the first step. You know what you need to do, now you just need to work on doing it. We're all here for you guys. :hug:

[strongheart]

carved hate
right hip
light

carved pain
right leg
light

i hate it but do it anyway.

[Atonement]

If you hate it, stop it. :hug: Stay stong, strongheart.

[Axellance]

omg this is gonna sound bad
80+ shallow
im really angrey at myself i had quit for 6 months!

[Serenity]

:hug: Everybody falls. You just gotta get back up.

[Atonement]

:hug: Lance, be persistant and keep trying.

[Axellance]

i dont really want to get back up i want to keep falling further and further until i hit the bottom and its all over!

[Gavin]

i know its hard lance but just think positive and keep trying

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

:hug:

[Atonement]

all valArie ever says is :hug:... later she says :hug:

[Serenity]

See? I speak the truth! :hug:

[Atonement]

lol I already failed that whole no cutting for a week thing... lol

[Serenity]

So start over.

[Atonement]

...no. I cant.

[Serenity]

Yes. You can.

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

So start over again. I know you can fight this, Addi, I've seen you do it. Make up your mind that you're going to fight it, and then apply yourself and commit to it. If you just accept that you're a failure and that all you'll ever amount to is a hopeless self-harmer, that's all that will happen. But if you realize, like I do, that you're far from hopeless and very strong when you really try, you'll find that you have the capability in you to beat this. I know you will.

:hug:

[electric7rocker]

addison what do you use?

[Atonement]

....

[electric7rocker]

if i remember correctly you threw it out the window?

im gonna try and find more razors
just to throw away

[Atonement]

....

[electric7rocker]

oh... i see...

what time is it where you are?

[Axellance]

i have decided that the last cuts i described will be my last!! im gonna quit agin

[Serenity]

:hug: Power to you!

[Atonement]

....

[Serenity]

Yup start over again. Be strong. Throw the frigging knife into a dumpster.

[Atonement]

....

[Gavin]

i have decided that the last cuts i described will be my last!! im gonna quit agin



well done Lance keep it up mate

[girlygirl]

20-30 cuts up both arms
quite shallow ......... :(

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Addison, girlygirl, and electric, I know you guys can do this! Every step counts for something! Just keep at it, and you'll do fine. :)

Lance, well done. You've had a slip-up, but now you're back and ready to keep fighting. That's the spirit!

:hug: to all of you