so confused

[GTORMOS]

hey i am an 18 year old male and i am in a relationship with a girl... i love her to death been together for three years now... before her i was involved in a homosexual relationship... and before that one i was messing around with guys... i know that i love her but from time to time i find my self wanting to be touched and held by a guy... i love to suck and i love getting done up the butt... what does that mean that i am gay or just confused i dont know... i dont wanna give my relationship up but at times i just want a man to hold me and do me right

[Patchy]

Well, do you love your current partner enough to be straight or do you want to maybe hurt her and go back to being gay/bi?

[GTORMOS]

i dont want to hurt her but i dont know what to do i am in love her but i am just attracted to men really bad i find my self flirting all the time and i go and get gay porn thats what turns me on but i love our passionate time and i do love her

[Serenity]

Remember this, always: Emotional outweighs physical. You definitely have a strong emotional attatchment to your girlfriend, do you have a physical one as well? You definitely feel a strong physical attraction to guys, do you feel an emotional one as well?

Both together, emotional and physical attraction, determine your sexuality- not simply the physical aspect.

[GTORMOS]

well i do have a some what of a physical attraction to her but to men it is way much greater

[ideasman]

I understand that this is my first post on this forum, but i looked it up to help people out while im at work because i have a lot of computer time.. your story intrigued me, because it sounded like something that i had gone through..i cant really tell you whether you should leave your girlfriend of so long, but i can offer you my story and my resolve..

At the begining of this year, i had ended my relationship with my girlfriend of 1 and a half years. Now i believed that i was inlove with her, while i was harvesting all of these hidden emtions and desires to actually be with men, but what i realised that no matter how much i loved her, i wasn't actually IN LOVE with her.. I needed to be with men, thats all i could think about, and i wasnt sure whether i can emotionally attatch to a guy, because i had never been with one before, but i knew that the physical attraction was so strong that i needed to try, and so before i kept the relationship going and extended the time that i was hurting my girlfriend i ended it..
I explained to her the situation i was in, and how i loved her as a person, but i needed to be with the same sex, because thats what made me happier, she understood and i still have my love in my life, along with the LOVE of my life (eg.. the guy i can say im IN LOVE with)..so thats how it all panned out for me..

I hope that shines a little light on the situation..

-Cheers

[GTORMOS]

thanks man i know what you went through and how hard that must of been... i think i just got to block out all those thoughts and make it work with her... i mean she understands me and has been there for me... but i just cant see myself emotionally with a guy

[what the?]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it can't be easy. I think Val's right here. You need both physical and emotional attraction to the one gender or another, or both to determine your sexuality. Is it possible that you could just be bi? I actually know quite a few guys, who would never in 100 years go out with another guy, but still go for a bit'a willy haha. So yeah, I hope you find your own way of dealing with it, and keep us updated :)

Ashley x

[GTORMOS]

yea i mean i couldnt get emotionally involved with a guy i have before and it just didnt feel right but the physical attraction is there you know... but i will keep ya updated on everything thanks for the support ya

[byee]

If you've been involved in a homosexual relationship and now you're involved in a heterosexual relationship, you can make a real comparison about which one works better for you.

I think that in order to determine what your sexuality is, you need 'The Three A's': Attraction, arousal and (emotional) attachment. It's really an all or nothing thing, having just one or 2 doesn't count.

At 18, you probably have both the maturity and life experience to develop the awareness to determine what your sexuality is. If you 'love your girlfriend to death' but you cannot stay with her, it sounds like you don't really have it all together, at least with her.

Maybe you need more experience to clarify what your needs are, maybe you need more relationships with guys, and with girls (not at the same time, though), to figure out more definitively who you are and what you need. Therapy might help too, clarifying what it is that you're feeling inside.

[grimlip]

I think you should probably make it work with your girlfriend... It sounds like you are emotionally attracted to her... but if you can't see yourself emotionally with a guy, I don't think you're gay. Like it has been said before in this thread, emotional and physical determines.

[GTORMOS]

thanks IAMSAM i should try that but i dont know... i just cant see myself with a guy... the one i was with before he was ok but it just didnt quite work but there is this one guy that is just oh so hot and he is straight and we are friends and all and he has a girl and that shit pisses me off when i see them all hugged up and shit... i mean i feel like he is mine and i have attached my self to him but there is really nothing there i dont know what to do maybe therapy will help i need that

[ideasman]

thanks IAMSAM i should try that but i dont know... i just cant see myself with a guy... the one i was with before he was ok but it just didnt quite work but there is this one guy that is just oh so hot and he is straight and we are friends and all and he has a girl and that shit pisses me off when i see them all hugged up and shit... i mean i feel like he is mine and i have attached my self to him but there is really nothing there i dont know what to do maybe therapy will help i need that

Im sorry but to mee, that consititutes as an emotional attacthment. I think that if your physically attracted to someone to a point that it can stir up feelings of jealousy and resentment towards their partners, that is a physcial attatchement, and i dont think your really that physically attacthced to your Girlfriend, im sorry but thats what ive picked up through the life of this thread.. harsh and bold point im trying to make, but think about it..

[byee]

Im sorry but to mee, that consititutes as an emotional attacthment. I think that if your physically attracted to someone to a point that it can stir up feelings of jealousy and resentment towards their partners, that is a physcial attatchement, and i dont think your really that physically attacthced to your Girlfriend, im sorry but thats what ive picked up through the life of this thread.. harsh and bold point im trying to make, but think about it..

Good point, he does seem to have a physical attraction to his friend. But 'attachment' (or 'Bond') refers to the emotional experience, which is different than the physical one. You need both (along with arousal) to determine what your orientation is. Being aroused (or turned on) by someone doesn't really mean much of anything by itself, other than you have working eyeballs.

It's more difficult to determine emotional attraction, because the things that constitute it are not as obvious (like a boner), and require some awareness to see (like 'trust'), and are usually based on a life time of experiences with people of both genders.

[sabin22]

it all depends if U feel gay or U feel straight