Help please

[jay345]

I need some help...ive tryed to kill my self the other day, did not work...and iwas in the hospital and my mom and dad came to get me out and they have been keeping my at home locked up almost all the time.

I left home

went to a good firends house far away from home, I thought this would change the problem but...i still cut and still want to shoot my self.

please help i dont know what to do. im scared and alone in life

[thesphinx]

Alright calm down. Do you know why you feel suicidal?

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Well, like everyone else will say after me "Suicide is not the answer!" And they're right.

I know what you feel like. I feel that everyday of my life.

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=17288 <- There's one instance of it that could've ended, what most people would call badly.

I cut, and suggest you try and stop before you get fully addicted to it. It's as addictive as most drugs practically

I've attempted suicide once, and that didn't work, so I can pretty much fully relate to you.

You don't deserve to die. You don't have to, you have something to live for;

read this and start to wonder, "who's my crazybeautiful69?" Think of who you might be hurting that you haven't thought about, what about that good friend whos house you went to?

Crazybeautiful69 ~ "My Friend was a guy like no other. He was seriousely the most upbeat, outgoing, seemingly happy guy I have ever known. He was the type of guy who no matter what, would drop anything If you had a problem, you could talk to him about anything and he'd never judge you, he could make you laugh even if you had been crying about something for hours. He was what kept me sane, strong, happy.. virtually okay. Thinking back about him now and reading everything I have wrote about him. I would never of guessed that I would be sitting here now being so mad at him and hurting because of him. March 26th 2005 my friend, took his life. My happy, smiling, amazing friend decided that he no longer could continue on living. March 26th 2005 changed my entire life, It has changed me in so many ways. I no longer trust my freinds, I find myself constantly questioning are they happy? I cry everynight before I go to sleep, I can't focus on alot of things and sometimes I even think that maybe life is just bullshit and things would be easier for me and other people I was gone. So for anyone who is thinking that suicide is the answer..please know how I feel. No one should feel the way I feel everday of my life. Get help while you can, please do not let your friends and family go through this. If I could have one wish in the world, I wish my friend would of told me how he was really feeling, maybe I could of helped him..I'm gonna live with this for the rest of my life, Im gonna feel blame forever and it SUCKS. You dont have too...Thanks for listenin.
P.s- Your smile is burned into my memories..I Miss you............."

That almost brought tears to my eyes when I read it. Think about that for a while.

You need to see a therapist/phsychiatrist and talk about what is going on, what is making you feel so upset, angry, etc that you'd think of taking your own life.

[jay345]

I just dont know what the fuck is going on with me, I sit in this room and hold the gun to my face and hope that one time i will press the trigger and do it. When ever i am about to do it my firend comes in.

and she finds me bloody and crying on the floor.
she knows what is going on so she trys to help but i dont want help i just want out

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

wow, you're like a mirror... It's hard to except help, but you have to or else your problems wont be fixed, they'll just linger and bother you forever until the one day your friend isn't there. You need to find a therapist/phsyciatrist and get help. You have to fix your problems, but you don't have to do it by yourself. You have to put effort into turning your life around, it wont just do it by itself. You get to steer, you decide where you go. You could find any time to attempt suicide again, but you haven't because there's a little part of you that isn't so sure about doing it, and maybe it's a bad idea. Embrace that, listen to it. You don't need or deserve to die. It isn't what you really want, you want your problems to go away. You don't need to die for that to happen!

[jay345]

My firend is calling her ex bf over b/c he is on the rescue squad to fix me...i did not want her to do it but she going to ne way

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Rescue squad? Is he a professional?

[jay345]

well hes on the town squad

she wants him to help some of the cuts

i dont want it

[thesphinx]

Hang in there jay. You need to see a counselor/Psychologist of some sort. you can't try to do this alone. Do you know why you are feeling like this? you can feel better, and you can feel happy again. don't give up yet. We're all here for you so don't hesitate to ask for help

[Evrythng_im_not]

Just keep a small mantra going in your head

"I don't want this"

That's what I do everytime I get so close. I just keep telling myself that I don't want death. It may be coming out differently when I talk, but in my head I only hear "I don't want this"

[jay345]

The guy who came over from the squad tryed to give me a shot for me to sleep. I told him i did not want it. He kept saying it would be for the best.

i did not take it but i "fell asleep" well pretended to, and got up and took a walk out of the house.

um it was a long night...and i cut a lot and still wana end it badly. what the hell is wroung with me im fucking crazy

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

You arent crazy, you just need help. You really need to see a phsychiatrist or therapist. Get some sort of help so this doesnt happen again!

[jay345]

I dont have the money to see a phsyc.

[Hyper]

Seeign a proffessional shouldn't cost..

Anyway.. You still haven't posted why you ''want out''

I don't think anyone can tell you something specific that could somewhat help you, if they don't know what is wrong.

[jay345]

i dont know what it is i just feel like shit, i still want to die and i dont know how it came on

[Hyper]

i dont know what it is i just feel like shit, i still want to die and i dont know how it came on

Okey.. If that is the case you need professional help now.

[jay345]

How do i do it, i don't have health coverage

Edit: I called a firend to come over b/c i took a bunch of pills and now i feel great
ha love yall

[thesphinx]

What kind of pills did you take? this isn't the way to deal with this Jay. the reason you don't know why you feel like this is because you haven't gotten to the root of the problem yet, you Need to see a professional. a school counselor can get you on the right track. talk to one next time you are at school.

[jay345]

2 percocet and 3 zololoft

I also droped from school so i have no way of talking to a school psyc.
---
i passed out last night after takeing the pills, woke up this morn and cryed my eyes out b.c im still alive

[thesphinx]

Jay if you go to your local clinic/hospital they can hook you up with a psychiatrist. don't give up on your life so fast. also its not good to mess with OTC pills if you mix two of the wrong meds you can end up in a coma or worse.