Friends Cutting

[BigBoy1324]

Hey, I have a friend who keeps showing up with bandaids on her arm. She won't admit she's cutting. I am not sure if she really cutting cause she makes excuses and I'm not sure if she's lying. Does anybody have any idea how to tell if she is cutting....and how to stop her?

[StoppingTime]

It's not really possible to easily "determine" if she's been cutting just by looking at her.
If you're good friends with this person (as in, a close, trusted friend), then you may want to approach it privately and ask her. Almost anyone who self harms/ed will tell you they do whatever they can to keep it hidden, as they don't want anyone to know that they've been doing it.
If you find a way to ask her and she does admit to it, there are a few things you can do. You cannot, however, simply tell her she needs to stop, as that won't help her. The only way for someone to really stop cutting, drinking, or any addiction (these things aren't comparable, I was simply using examples) is if they want to stop themselves, and make that choice. You can help and support her as much as you can, but she simply can't stop because of you, or anyone else.
If you notice it getting serious, or if you think it is in any way, talk to a school counselor, psychologist, etc. They really are there to help, and in some cases, really are effective.

[Desuetude]

What kinds of excuses is she making and how big are the plasters? You have to think about the details before assuming that it's self harm. I suggest, like Steven said, that if you're close friends with her then maybe bring it up with her while you're alone. Personally I would do it face to face and not online/over text because it will give you a better idea if you see her reaction. I wouldn't tell anyone else that you think she's self harming because that's how rumours spread and I'm sure that if it's not true she'd be very embarrassed and angry, as she might be if it turns out to be true.

Self harm can be an addiction. It's a coping mechanism that can sometimes (I'm not saying that this is the case with your friend) be a way of dealing with suicidal feelings. It's not often used as a way of attempting suicide but, as stupidly as it sounds, can help. Telling someone to straight up stop self harming is like telling a smoker to stop smoking. It takes time and patience and they may relapse a few times and get urges even when they've been free for a while but the main point is that for a smoker to stop they have to want to and be motivated to, the same with self harming.

If you find out your friend is actually self harming then talk to her about it. Support her and if you can find out what is it that's causing her to self harm. Maybe help her find other methods that provide the same release and feel that self harm does, if you need some ideas of them then just ask or search around this forum (looking through these (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/search.php?searchid=4218357) threads (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/search.php?searchid=4218379) might give you some ideas). The most important thing is to just be a good friend to her. Be there for her, don't judge or tell her what to do, be accepting and comfort her if she needs you.

I noticed Steven says if it gets serious tell someone about it but honestly, I'm not sure that's the best way to go. Talk to your friend first and allow her time to open up to you and if she needs to, ask for help herself. From my experience and from what I've seen from others, telling someone else against the persons will, will only make things worse in the short run and possibly long run. If things start to become serious (and by serious I'm thinking cutting very deep or making plans of suicide) and you've talked to her about it and she's totally set on possibly fatally hurting herself, then you should think about talking to someone trustworthy. However I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself because you don't even know if she is self harming. I think first things first, find out what's going on with the plasters. After that things should start to clear up about what's happening.

[Apathy15]

Hey, I have a friend who keeps showing up with bandaids on her arm. She won't admit she's cutting. I am not sure if she really cutting cause she makes excuses and I'm not sure if she's lying. Does anybody have any idea how to tell if she is cutting....and how to stop her?

You don't know if she is. And even if she is it would be hard to 'make' her stop. It's probably going to be hard to get her to talk about it because she may be defensive. I have a friend who cuts, and I just saw the scars today. I've tried talking to her but I know how it is to talk about something that hurts. Anyway you have to be gentle until you get through to her.