Help, another boy!

[pieman10]

Hello all

Currently I have been in a relationship for just under a year, it has been turbulent but great.
Recently my girlfriend has been going to a kind of an exclusive club ( basically I cant join in ). The problem started a week ago when my girlfriend stopped replying to me while she was away at camp. I new something was up and when I met her a few days later she wouldnt let me look on her phone ( we often look through each others phones and see what each other has been up to )
Thinking not much of it I started some sexual advances on her, she said no and I got the message. She got a message off her phone and said it was off a camp leader about something.Later she tried the same on me and I explained I wasnt in the mood.
Later I managed to find out that the name on my girlfriends phone was a boy who she had been talking to, I confronted her and asked her about it.
She showed me all of their messages, to me they were down right flirtatious ( falling asleep on each other).
Simply I flipped and basically said I was breaking up but later we kinda made up and she showed me more messages of him asking her out, she declined.
They still keep talking to each other even though ive confirmed with my girlfriend we are together.


I dont know what to do, I love her deeply and ive explained that im very upset and threatened by this boy.
The worst thing is ive lost my precious trust with her that I valued so highly, no other living being has so much access to my life than her, she was the one I trusted and she seems to have broken it but I still love her.
I dont know how to continue my relationship with this core element.

HELP ME PLEASE

[TopThrill]

*In angry tone*If you really have trust with her that you say you do, respect that when she texts another guy. She's committed to you (it sounds like, since she denied that guy) whether you like it or not, so you need to ask yourself if you're gonna throw away a great relationship because of you being insecure. *now back to a kind tone* If you decide you want her, you might want to start with an apology for your actions. Hope my rant helped!

[pieman10]

The problem is that shes broken that trust be lieing about who the boy was, she said if she told what she had done I would have broke up with her, so she tried to hide. I dont understand this because we always tell each other everything so why would she feel like she couldn't? I just feel like ever since she is being less responsive to me and that while time shes talking to me shes also talking to him, I dont want to sound a prat but why is she dividing her attention?

[Hunter_Steel]

A girl can be friends with whoever she pleases. She's as free as you are to talk to other people, even if they are guys. In her case, it seems she has a close guy best friend. Every girl needs/has one. Even if they are in a relationship.

Like if she's insecure about asking you something, she might get advice from that guy, then gather the strength and confidence then ask you. If she was afraid of how you reacted, and when she showed you, it meant that she couldn't keep it to herself any longer and that she wanted you to know. Meaning she's sorry for keeping it from you, even if it was harmless.

Your reaction is normal, but you could have reacted differently aswell. Because now she'll be afraid to tell you something that could get you angry again. Best thing to do, even if you are pissed of as hell, you should keep a calm and level head. Just because you feel threatened and feel insecure because of this guy, it doesn't mean she will go out with him.

IMO, you caused this by reacting in such a way, the way you feel is because of your actions and not hers. The only way to sort this out is to sit down with her and have a very very serious conversation with her. Letting loose of eachother's feelings and everything is a good way, and also talking about it and how it makes you feel. If you don't do this every once in a while, you won't be able to connect properly with eachother.

But in the future, don't overreact, keep a calm and level head, and you'll be able to make clearer and more rational decisions.

Trust me, I have threatened many boyfriends before lol
But to me, its an overreaction, I have my own girlfriend, and I also feel threatened when she talks to other guys. But if I tell her who she can and cannot be friends with and also who she can talk to, it'd be like I am her father. I want to be her boyfriend instead, so despite how I feel about it, I have to support her with her friends and everything no matter what.

Hope that gives an insight on this.

~Hunter

[pieman10]

The thing is shes never been insecure before, she tells me EVERYTHING I mean everything. But she decided to lie about it, that hurt me alot and I feel like I cant trust her anymore and it feels awefull

[Hunter_Steel]

Best to talk about it. Because from the look of it.

I'd probably be the same as her, if I had a girl best friend and got really close to her, and did stuff similar to that, I'd probably not want to tell her, but because a relationship is about trust, it is best to tell her. What hurts the most is the lie. But a lie can be made up for.

From the looks of it, she wants to make for it that she lied to you. You can still trust her, but remember to expect anything. She expected your reaction and chose not to tell you. I know it hurts, but you HAVE TO TALK TO HER. Otherwise you might grow apart.

~Hunter

[Jae Ostraes]

Hello all

Currently I have been in a relationship for just under a year, it has been turbulent but great.
Recently my girlfriend has been going to a kind of an exclusive club ( basically I cant join in ). The problem started a week ago when my girlfriend stopped replying to me while she was away at camp. I new something was up and when I met her a few days later she wouldnt let me look on her phone ( we often look through each others phones and see what each other has been up to )
Thinking not much of it I started some sexual advances on her, she said no and I got the message. She got a message off her phone and said it was off a camp leader about something.Later she tried the same on me and I explained I wasnt in the mood.
Later I managed to find out that the name on my girlfriends phone was a boy who she had been talking to, I confronted her and asked her about it.
She showed me all of their messages, to me they were down right flirtatious ( falling asleep on each other).
Simply I flipped and basically said I was breaking up but later we kinda made up and she showed me more messages of him asking her out, she declined.
They still keep talking to each other even though ive confirmed with my girlfriend we are together.


I dont know what to do, I love her deeply and ive explained that im very upset and threatened by this boy.
The worst thing is ive lost my precious trust with her that I valued so highly, no other living being has so much access to my life than her, she was the one I trusted and she seems to have broken it but I still love her.
I dont know how to continue my relationship with this core element.

HELP ME PLEASE



The Foundation of Love is Trust


i made it bigger for you to see..
Its Time to Let Her Go, You Dont Want a One Sided Relationship Right?
She Fell To another Man, You Cant Controll Her,.

[Aves]

The problem is that shes broken that trust be lieing about who the boy was, she said if she told what she had done I would have broke up with her, so she tried to hide. I dont understand this because we always tell each other everything so why would she feel like she couldn't? I just feel like ever since she is being less responsive to me and that while time shes talking to me shes also talking to him, I dont want to sound a prat but why is she dividing her attention?

I'm gonna be the one to say no. She didn't break that trust. She was scared. She knew how it would probably sound to you if she said what she did, and let's be completely honest, it would have hurt still. Judging by the fact that she was willing to show you the messages, I can guess she is truly faithful to you. People make mistakes. It happens. Whether she flirted like crap with the guy or not, she's proved to be faithful to you and willing to show you what could potentially end your relationship.

I think that she's learned from her mistake and you shouldn't dwell on this at all. You need to trust her as much as she trusts you.

[Hunter_Steel]

The Foundation of Love is Trust


i made it bigger for you to see..
Its Time to Let Her Go, You Dont Want a One Sided Relationship Right?
She Fell To another Man, You Cant Controll Her,.


No, she didn't break his trust. She was scared.

He needs to forgive her, apologize for acting like a total ass and leave this behind.

~Hunter

[xmojox]

Hello all

Currently I have been in a relationship for just under a year, it has been turbulent but great.
Recently my girlfriend has been going to a kind of an exclusive club ( basically I cant join in ). The problem started a week ago when my girlfriend stopped replying to me while she was away at camp. I new something was up and when I met her a few days later she wouldnt let me look on her phone ( we often look through each others phones and see what each other has been up to )
Thinking not much of it I started some sexual advances on her, she said no and I got the message. She got a message off her phone and said it was off a camp leader about something.Later she tried the same on me and I explained I wasnt in the mood.
Later I managed to find out that the name on my girlfriends phone was a boy who she had been talking to, I confronted her and asked her about it.
She showed me all of their messages, to me they were down right flirtatious ( falling asleep on each other).
Simply I flipped and basically said I was breaking up but later we kinda made up and she showed me more messages of him asking her out, she declined.
They still keep talking to each other even though ive confirmed with my girlfriend we are together.


I dont know what to do, I love her deeply and ive explained that im very upset and threatened by this boy.
The worst thing is ive lost my precious trust with her that I valued so highly, no other living being has so much access to my life than her, she was the one I trusted and she seems to have broken it but I still love her.
I dont know how to continue my relationship with this core element.

HELP ME PLEASE

The fact that you both regularly check the other's phone gives me cause to wonder how much trust there was in your relationship to begin with.

That being said, what you need to do is to sit down with her and talk. You need to explain how you feel, and listen while she explains how she feels. Whatever either of you feels is totally valid and neither of you pretend what the other feels isn't. For example, and I'm not saying this is the case, suppose that she tells you that she's been feeling smothered by you. You have to accept that she's been feeling that way and try to work out how to change that, rather than to try proving that she's wrong to feel that. Suppose you tell her that you feel abandoned because of all of her extra-relationship activities. She would need to accept your feelings as valid and try to work them out with you.


As far as her having lied to you, I accept the explanation that she was scared you'd break up with her...after all, you proved her fears correct by doing just that. Forgive, forget, move on.

You both need to remember that just because you're in a relationship with someone, it doesn't meant that you own that person. More of an exclusive licensing agreement.

Good luck to you both.

[pieman10]

I think that we've sorted it out. She told me if it made me feel happy then she wouldnt talk to him again , she also accepted that it was wrong for her to lie to me and that she shouldnt have hidden things from me. This has made me far happier as i just explained how i was upset with the whole thing and she suggested the solutions.

In reply to xmojox, its not like a untrustworthy kind of check, its a kind of laugh at all the people who have messaged us or play on the games on each others phone while passing the time.

[Left Now]

First of all trust...If she has broken your trust then she can't love you,anyway you love her...I think you have to invite both of them and talk with them for last time...