What do I do?

[Joe3140]

I'm 15 and starting to think I might be gay, either I don't want to accept it or I'm just unsure.

For about a year now Matt has been one of my best friends. I've always sort of liked him differently though. I really feel emotionally connected to him. The thing is I'm not openly gay and hes not either. I don't know if he is at all.

But Matt has always seemed like he might be gay to me (idk maybe its just that i want him to be). He's always given me little hints that maybe he is. He's always doing gay things toward me but always laughs after as a fallback so people don't think hes actually gay. The one thing that really stands out is that last year he asked me "Are you gay?" i kinda nervously laghed a little. Then he said "I mean like does your family think your gay or anything?" i laughed a little and said "yeah" (but i used his fallback move, so neither of us confirmed our sexuality to the other).

Anyway I really like Matt and I'm tierd of not knowing if he is or isn't gay, I'm really starting to get depressed. Its a waste of what could be if we both are gay and dont know it. How can I possibly ask/tell him and get it settled between us for real that we are both gay?

[[[chickaroo92]]]

I'm 15 and starting to think I might be gay, either I don't want to accept it or I'm just unsure.

For about a year now Matt has been one of my best friends. I've always sort of liked him differently though. I really feel emotionally connected to him. The thing is I'm not openly gay and hes not either. I don't know if he is at all.

But Matt has always seemed like he might be gay to me (idk maybe its just that i want him to be). He's always given me little hints that maybe he is. He's always doing gay things toward me but always laughs after as a fallback so people don't think hes actually gay. The one thing that really stands out is that last year he asked me "Are you gay?" i kinda nervously laghed a little. Then he said "I mean like does your family think your gay or anything?" i laughed a little and said "yeah" (but i used his fallback move, so neither of us confirmed our sexuality to the other).

Anyway I really like Matt and I'm tierd of not knowing if he is or isn't gay, I'm really starting to get depressed. Its a waste of what could be if we both are gay and dont know it. How can I possibly ask/tell him and get it settled between us for real that we are both gay?
Hm, this is tough. Just be opened about, what can you lose? Or, use your situation as a little example, without using any names, and see if afterwards Matt gets the hint? I dunno...just do whatever you feel is right.

[Joe3140]

Well the one and only thing to lose is our friendship. If I ever found a way to seriously ask and he seriousl said no then I'd also just be prety depressed, like for a while. But Im already feeling depressed not knowing.

Also, Ive read a lot about people's definition of gay in this forum. I do feel truely emotionally attached to him and physically. It might just be that hes my best friend and I care for him but I really think I would give my life for him.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Well the one and only thing to lose is our friendship. If I ever found a way to seriously ask and he seriousl said no then I'd also just be prety depressed, like for a while. But Im already feeling depressed not knowing.
Don't get depressed, it's not healthy. Also, if he's a friend, he'd probably understand your situation, and help out. You've got nothing to lose man.

[Joe3140]

Yeah well I think your right and there's not too much to lose. But how can I possibly go about asking him? We both joke around with gay gestures and random stuff. But its always a joke in the end, always a laugh so nothing said or done is actaully 'real'. How can I ask him without him making it 'un-real'? I have to make it serious and 'real' myself but Ive neer done taht before and I have no idea what his response would be and if he could take ita ll seriously.

Also I asked him this a while ago through a myspace message:
Ok Matt I have to ask you a question. I was thinking back on the school year and talking to someone else. Please take me seriously for just one second. Please be %100 honest with this. Are you gay? Don't worry I'm not doing this to make fun of you or anything. Please just answer for real.

He replied:
no fuking way u dickhead, n i wasn't ignoring u my computer was fucked up again....from my sister ( cause it took him a whie to reply)

Do you think maybe if I somehow hinted more to him first then he'd be more comfortable coming out? Also I later told him a made up story that I asked because someone else asked me if he is.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Yeah well I think your right and there's not too much to lose. But how can I possibly go about asking him? We both joke around with gay gestures and random stuff. But its always a joke in the end, always a laugh so nothing said or done is actaully 'real'. How can I ask him without him making it 'un-real'? I have to make it serious and 'real' myself but Ive neer done taht before and I have no idea what his response would be and if he could take ita ll seriously.
Just be truthful with him. It's up to you how you want to approach him....?

[Joe3140]

Im just afraid it could ruin our friendship and even if he says no ill still have this feeling that maybe he is until he seriously says yes. Also doing it in person might be more effective but i think the risk of it being awkward after are also higher.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Im just afraid it could ruin our friendship and even if he says no ill still have this feeling that maybe he is until he seriously says yes. Also doing it in person might be more effective but i think the risk of it being awkward after are also higher.
Man, it won't ruin your friendship!
If he says no, then obviously it is no...if he wants to be open up with you, then he'll say yes, I am gay.
Doing it in person is a hell lot better then saying over the phone/computer because you'll be able to see the dude's reaction..or something
Good-luck, just go ahead, and get it off your chest.

[Joe3140]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try tommorow to look for any time that it can be said in school. Im not sure if there will be any appropriate time, lol sounds like my excuse for not following through with it. Ill find a time!

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try tommorow to look for any time that it can be said in school. Im not sure if there will be any appropriate time, lol sounds like my excuse for not following through with it. Ill find a time!
Yeh, no problem! Good-luck hun.

[The Batman]

before you do it make sure that your certain your ready and maybe you shouldn't do it at school you should probably do it somewhere alone so you both can talk openly and freely without being scared someone might overhear and by the way you say he acts i think he is gay and is just dropping hints but don't only go by that because i might be wrong
best of luck and i hope it all turns out good if its not a bother post it here and let us know

[Joe3140]

DAMN IT. Matt came over to my house earlier today. Just us two alone. He did some very gay things but again covers it up somehow so its mysterious. Like Im so pissed off.

I didnt have the guts to ask him :( . I was thinking about this the whole entire time. I feel really sick now. I feel like i should be cryind but its like im beyond crying.

There were soooo many literally perfect chances but I blew them all. Now more than ever I think hes gay after some of the things ive noticed. I dont know what to do now. I feel like he might say no even though he is. Then I think he'd feel like everyone thinks hes gay and he'd start trying not to be espeially around me. Also just the awkwardnes for me afterwards if he said no.

I can't do this anymore. Literally I'm about to have a breakdown. The whole situation is just really hard to describe here. Also Im pretty sure Matt thinks of me only as ONE of his best friends, and probably not the best of all. So I dont know. I guess if anyone's read this far theyre probably confused by now. I think seriously soon im just gonna become anti-social cuz this is honestly horrible, my stomach is tied in knots right now.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

DAMN IT. Matt came over to my house earlier today. Just us two alone. He did some very gay things but again covers it up somehow so its mysterious. Like Im so pissed off.

I didnt have the guts to ask him :( . I was thinking about this the whole entire time. I feel really sick now. I feel like i should be cryind but its like im beyond crying.

There were soooo many literally perfect chances but I blew them all. Now more than ever I think hes gay after some of the things ive noticed. I dont know what to do now. I feel like he might say no even though he is. Then I think he'd feel like everyone thinks hes gay and he'd start trying not to be espeially around me. Also just the awkwardnes for me afterwards if he said no.

I can't do this anymore. Literally I'm about to have a breakdown. The whole situation is just really hard to describe here. Also Im pretty sure Matt thinks of me only as ONE of his best friends, and probably not the best of all. So I dont know. I guess if anyone's read this far theyre probably confused by now. I think seriously soon im just gonna become anti-social cuz this is honestly horrible, my stomach is tied in knots right now.
Man, don't give up.

[crash007]

Dude if he considers you as one of your best friends, if you told him you were gay, and he said he wasnt, he wouldnt abandon you. If you guys already do gay things and fool around but laugh it off, then why do you think he would say he wasn't gay. Maybe he's waiting for you to ask in person. If he says yes, then you get him. If he says no, then you get the hard part off your shoulders and then you just have to make sure. Try flirting a little when he's over. If he wasn't gay, then he would have said something when you guys were fooling around and stuff. GO FOR IT! You have nothing to lose. If you dont you will regret it and it will bug you for a long time. Just ask.

[Joe3140]

Alright so I decided to ask and I sent a text message asking. The conversation went something like this.

ME: Are you gay? like seriously I just have to know?
Matt: Are you serious.
ME: Yeah, i am
Matt: No F***ing way, do you honestly think that i am?
ME: Well honestly idk what to think anymore But Im ur friend no matter what and i hope youd say the same for me.
Matt: Are you gay?

I then ignored his question and went through 6 text messages listing all the reasons i think hes gay, and this was so very deep emotional stuff. By then it was midnight so he never replied and i tried to go to sleep but hardly could.
The next day we both came out of class and he stopped and looked at me and smiled. He said "I just got your last bunch of text messages" I said ok. Then we both walked up stairs together and he put his arm around my shoulder, at this point I was speechless. Then he put his other hand on the railing and said these exact words "Im like this railing joe, Im straight. *laughed*"
I just said ok because I couldnt say much more in the moment i was so emotional just about the whole thing. So now the past few days he'll say/do something gayish and say to me "since that is what i like afterall *laugh*". This just makes me really confused and regret asking because i really feel bad when he says that.
Lastly Im doubting my sexuality as a gay, I just dont know...I havent masturbated in a couple weeks because Ive simply lost interest either way.
Thank you for reading advice is welcomed.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Well, since you dudes are friends, you should consider telling him if you're gay or not, I'm sure he'd understand. C'mon man, he probably won't think you have feelings for him...do you? Because if you do, then you got a little problem....if you know what I mean. Just be straight with him, see what he has to say, there's nothing to lose. Also, if you need more advice or whatever, we're all here to help. Goodluck man.

[irhmrh]

Just ask him and say like "im not jokeing i really want to know if you are gay"

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Just ask him and say like "im not jokeing i really want to know if you are gay"
Um, the thread starter did ask if his friend was gay....

[grimlip]

People, if you are going to post advice, make sure you read all the posts first so you know what's going on...


Dude I would just tell him. I mean if he really is your best friend, he's not gunna care. I would just tell him that you are and see what happens.

[byee]

I'm having difficulty understanding what the problem here for you is. Could you clarify it for me please?

First, I think it's ok to feel a bond, an emotional attachment, for a good friend. Feeling really close (or even loving someone) of the same sex doesn't make you gay. It makes you human. Loving a guy friend doesn't make you homosexual. Are you confusing your close feelings with him for that, something much more (and very different) than something as all encompassing as homosexuality?

Also, although it might be easier to text message or IM this kind of stuff, it's also more difficult getting a straight answer. So, you and he might want to sit down face to face and discuss this. But before you do, i'd think it might be important for you to clarify within yourself what you're feeling, and also to figure out why it's so important to find out what his orientation is .

[[[chickaroo92]]]

I'm having difficulty understanding what the problem here for you is. Could you clarify it for me please?

First, I think it's ok to feel a bond, an emotional attachment, for a good friend. Feeling really close (or even loving someone) of the same sex doesn't make you gay. It makes you human. Loving a guy friend doesn't make you homosexual. Are you confusing your close feelings with him for that, something much more (and very different) than something as all encompassing as homosexuality?

Also, although it might be easier to text message or IM this kind of stuff, it's also more difficult getting a straight answer. So, you and he might want to sit down face to face and discuss this. But before you do, i'd think it might be important for you to clarify within yourself what you're feeling, and also to figure out why it's so important to find out what his orientation is .
Exactly.