My 2 friends are breaking up... Do I take sides??

[crowdlost]

So this is new! My 2 best friends (guy and a girl) have been together for 4 and a half years. Crazy, right? But they are honestly the cutest couple I have ever seen and I can't stand the idea of them not being together..

And then just suddenly, yesterday my guy friend calls me and tells me that she left him because of a looong fight that they keep on having every once in a while (she's a freshman in college and he's just still trying to figure out what to do in his life...his dad died about 2 years ago and things were tough for him financially, he's the oldest brother of two girls and he's very "man"-like, in that he likes to be in charge.. in a way he became the man of the house with his dad gone).

The AWFUL, AWFUL thing is that she left him in a TEXT MESSAGE. They really don't see each other THAT much because her parents are still breathing over her neck telling her that he's not good enough for her and he has no future and he will never get his act together... But she used to always HATE them for that and she would talk to him about how she loves him no matter what.

The text was very "weird". It was like "I'm sorry but I feel like you are not responsible and I need a man in my life who knows what he wants and can get it. Thank you for these wonderful 4 years together. I don't think I've ever been happier than being with you. Please don't hate me."

He's been crying since yesterday and it's not that I WANT to take sides but I am on HIS side because uughhh she just pissed me off!!! She still doesn't know that I know which is ALSO weird. I'm just waiting for her to talk to me about it but I don't know what I would even say. If she really believes he's not good enough for her, then I would have to be supportive of her decision but to be honest, the guy is my BEST friend and, while he is having a hard time trying to make sense of his whole life, I want him to be happy. And being with her makes him happy.

This is destroying everything!!!

Thanks for reading. Was this long?

[gipsy danger]

my god she is heartless. it seems kinda shady on her part. she gonna regret it in a week or so. just take care of your mate he is going through a lot. much luck with him <3

[Atonement]

Yeah, that's shitty...

However, my advice for you would be to avoid taking sides. Thought you may have your personal thoughts right now, taking sides never really helps anything. You can support your friend(s) without having to insult the other one. Be there for your friend while he goes through difficult times, but that doesn't have to come at the expense of the other friendship with the ex-girlfriend. Support and taking sides are not the same thing. Be neutral but supporting.

[CoolKid97]

Dont take sides. It's the worst thing you can do. You could ruin friendships. For now just comfort your friend.

[OFD-Lt.Mark]

Well first off you can't please everyone. Secondly, NEVER TAKE SIDES. Always try and find a compromise. If they wont budge then tell them that its not something a true friend would do, making you choose. Sit them both down and tell them how you feel.

[Haydenn3]

Has he thought instead of crying about it to prove the girls parents wrong try get a ob and direction in his life dont give up on her and you sir should not take sides but talk to them both telling them its effecting you to

[crepesuzette]

don't take any sides. just leave everything up to them.

[crowdlost]

Thank you all for your help. It just keeps getting worse and worse. He keeps calling me in the middle of the night to go to his house because he's about to explode and he's cried a few times (NEVER seen this dude crying before...huuge development) and i honestly didnt think that it was gonna affect me this much. I just feel like i have NOTHING to say to make him feel better and like i cant do ANYTHING to fix this.

We sat last night me and him and he was ranting and complaining then he asked me if he thought its a good idea to call her. I was VEERRYY against the idea but he was so deperate :( eventually i told him to do it but not to expect something great out of it.

So he called. And she hung up.
Then today she texted him saying that she wants to see him.

He got so happy he immediately forwarded that txt to me but i had a sick feeling about it :s

And damn it i was right. They met and she ended it for good saying that she just could not be with him anymore. And apparently they both cried their eyes out.


I just feel so helpless and useless. Just felt like ranting.

[dontfiguremeout]

To be honest, this is their fight. This has nothing to deal with you. I mean yeah, you can help him emotionally through this since that's what best friends are for, but you shouldn't tell him what to do. Or pick any sides since they both are your friends. Right now my friends went into a huge fight, and I helped them both emotionally, but I did not pick sides at all because I don't want to loose any of them. And if you need to tell the girl friend that you know, just say hey he told me. But I wouldn't get in the middle of this at all nor pick any sides.

[crowdlost]

UUGGHHH, he is NOT taking this well at all. I mean, I understand, it's a 4 year-long relationship so it's expected but still!

He's pressured me all day to talk to her and put some sense into her or something. I was very nervous about that but I couldn't say no, he would not stop crying about it. He keeps on repeating "she's the one man, she's the one and I can't lose her..." She doesn't answer his calls or his texts so he stopped doing any of that yesterday.

Now I am very nervous because I made plans with her for tonight. I don't know what I'm supposed to say, or do. I am so confused and lost and annoyed with this whole thing. I just wish he wouldn't pressure me into talking to her but it's a little hard for me to say no to him now considering the state that he's in.