ari2123
April 9th, 2013, 03:31 PM
Sorry, this might be a bit long, but I really need someone to talk to.
Today, I told my single mother that I probably wasn't going to make it on one of my high school's honor rolls. It is the first year that this is going to happen and out of all the years it is my graduating year. (The deadline for being considered on the honor roll is in three days). She told me she was disappointed in me. I don't blame her. She told me that it was all she wanted from me. She sacrificed and struggled working sometimes 3 jobs to put me through private elementary and high school.
This year I struggled with my eczema. (a skin condition that greatly affected my self esteem). I wasn't able to sleep because of it, and I woke up miserable because of how I looked. In short, I missed a lot of classes. This year was also my last year as a senior on my basketball team. My mother never really supported me but I loved the sport. She believed that it affected my eczema and she was right to some degree. I told her that I would be able to get a small scholarship because of it so she tolerated it. I had achieved the senior year I wanted because we were able to go to Provincials. It was a dream come true.
I have always struggled with math. Right now, I am barely passing with a 60% and that is without the grades of the past four tests. I am able to make them up, but not in time for the cut off. (3 days from now). I am also basically failing chemistry 12. I never really planned on taking this course but ended up having to due to a schedule conflict with my AP English class. My teacher is considering my grade an incomplete, which makes me not eligible for the honor roll. And surprisingly, I am also not caught up with my English class. I'm not struggling with the curriculum, I am just struggling with handing in the boat load of assignments I missed. That too also makes me not eligible. Thing is, I have a 90% in both Biology and Law so I know what I am capable of.
This year was basically one big disappointment. I have failed in something I wanted to succeed in (getting that basketball scholarship). My mom was obviously very angry with me and I understand why. I feel so sorry for my mother. I know graduating with honors was something she really wanted for me. She is also not the only person that I had to impress. My boyfriend's parents are very strict with his academics and naturally (even though they do not say it to my face) expect the same with me. He has his career path planned out and he is excited to start post secondary. My family on my father's side also expected me to graduate with honors as my mother took pride in my previous years and told them about it. They have never decided to be a part of my life until now and yet I still feel pressured and nervous.
What makes it even worse is that I have decided to take a break semester to work and gain work experience before going back to post secondary. I have no definite career path in mind and I know it worries my mom. My favored option is to become a physiotherapist but more specifically a sport physiotherapist. The only thing holding me back is that the course requires physics 12. I did not take physics 12 for a reason and it is the reason why I did not apply to university for it. I did this in fear of disappointing my mother again by dropping out of a course and wasting her money.
I love my mother and I hate that I let this happen. I don't know what else to do but feel bad and hate myself. I'm terribly confused, depressed and stressed.
Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Today, I told my single mother that I probably wasn't going to make it on one of my high school's honor rolls. It is the first year that this is going to happen and out of all the years it is my graduating year. (The deadline for being considered on the honor roll is in three days). She told me she was disappointed in me. I don't blame her. She told me that it was all she wanted from me. She sacrificed and struggled working sometimes 3 jobs to put me through private elementary and high school.
This year I struggled with my eczema. (a skin condition that greatly affected my self esteem). I wasn't able to sleep because of it, and I woke up miserable because of how I looked. In short, I missed a lot of classes. This year was also my last year as a senior on my basketball team. My mother never really supported me but I loved the sport. She believed that it affected my eczema and she was right to some degree. I told her that I would be able to get a small scholarship because of it so she tolerated it. I had achieved the senior year I wanted because we were able to go to Provincials. It was a dream come true.
I have always struggled with math. Right now, I am barely passing with a 60% and that is without the grades of the past four tests. I am able to make them up, but not in time for the cut off. (3 days from now). I am also basically failing chemistry 12. I never really planned on taking this course but ended up having to due to a schedule conflict with my AP English class. My teacher is considering my grade an incomplete, which makes me not eligible for the honor roll. And surprisingly, I am also not caught up with my English class. I'm not struggling with the curriculum, I am just struggling with handing in the boat load of assignments I missed. That too also makes me not eligible. Thing is, I have a 90% in both Biology and Law so I know what I am capable of.
This year was basically one big disappointment. I have failed in something I wanted to succeed in (getting that basketball scholarship). My mom was obviously very angry with me and I understand why. I feel so sorry for my mother. I know graduating with honors was something she really wanted for me. She is also not the only person that I had to impress. My boyfriend's parents are very strict with his academics and naturally (even though they do not say it to my face) expect the same with me. He has his career path planned out and he is excited to start post secondary. My family on my father's side also expected me to graduate with honors as my mother took pride in my previous years and told them about it. They have never decided to be a part of my life until now and yet I still feel pressured and nervous.
What makes it even worse is that I have decided to take a break semester to work and gain work experience before going back to post secondary. I have no definite career path in mind and I know it worries my mom. My favored option is to become a physiotherapist but more specifically a sport physiotherapist. The only thing holding me back is that the course requires physics 12. I did not take physics 12 for a reason and it is the reason why I did not apply to university for it. I did this in fear of disappointing my mother again by dropping out of a course and wasting her money.
I love my mother and I hate that I let this happen. I don't know what else to do but feel bad and hate myself. I'm terribly confused, depressed and stressed.
Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.