I know i'm going to get beat up for this

[Troy35216]

I'm seriously not trying to be a jerk. I am just really really confused by something. If my friend said to me, "I'm a vegetarian. 100% vegetarian. But I eat bacon and steak a couple days a week but I'm totally vegetarian." I wouldn't say he was a vegetarian who was just curious. or a vegetarian who was going thru a phase. I would say, "Dude, you're not as much of a vegetarian as you think you are. You might WANT to be a vegetarian. You might WISH you were a vegetarian. You might PRETEND you are a vegetarian. But you aren't a vegetarian." Instead of convincing him he's really a meat eating vegetarian I would try to convince him that there's no big deal about eating meat or about not being a vegetarian.

I know that some guys mess around with other guys and it doesn't mean they are gay. but when i see "i'm totally straight but i get super duper turned on to gay porn and not so much to straight porn." i'm sorry but that doesn't sound 100% straight to me. the main thing i don't understand is all the answers that start with "don't worry you're not gay." why would being gay be something to worry about? Maybe he's not gay. maybe he's bi. but he doesn't sound 100% straight and instead of saying, Yes you are a meat eating vegetarian, why can't the answer be, there's nothing wrong with not being a vegetarian and nothing wrong with eating a burger if that is what you like?

I hope i'm not making anyone mad cuz i'm not trying to be a jerk i just don't understand the logic. :confused:

[naglfari]

hahaha I agree completely

[xmojox]

My stock response to that is why hang a label on yourself. Just relax and have fun until you figure yourself out.

[workingatperfect]

I agree that there's no point in labeling yourself. But I think if you're even curious, you're aren't 100% straight because obviously there's some sort of attraction there. It doesn't make you gay or even bi, but I don't think you can say you're 100% straight, unless you get like absolutely no pleasure out of the experience.

[norcaldude18]

Ya it really makes me mad when guys on here talk about experimenting with their friends, but then claim to be 100% straight. And I totally agree with you, I get so mad when guys on here ask if giving a blowjob to another guy makes them gay, and other guys just say no your not gay, it's just hormones.

[Ryhanna]

I agree completely, except for the very last part about porn. I just don't think that the kind of porn that turns you on is necessarily indicative of your sexual preference. There are certainly other factors that contribute to why you choose to watch it.

But yes, I agree. There's no point in people trying to fool themselves. Don't worry about labels and just live your life the way you want to live it.

[naglfari]

I agree completely, except for the very last part about porn. I just don't think that the kind of porn that turns you on is necessarily indicative of your sexual preference. There are certainly other factors that contribute to why you choose to watch it.

But yes, I agree. There's no point in people trying to fool themselves. Don't worry about labels and just live your life the way you want to live it.

porns the best indicator. who you're turned on when you see them naked is exactly what defines your sexuality.

[Troy35216]

My stock response to that is why hang a label on yourself. Just relax and have fun until you figure yourself out.

i got no problem with that. but if you DO choose to label yourself, then why label yourself a vegetarian when your chewing on a piece of meatloaf? either skip the label or pick one that is accurate. even "i don't know" makes more sense imo. saying your straight and then other people agreeing with you, seems to make it harder for other people to admit to themselves that maybe they aren't straight. for some people that is already hard enuf. seeing comments like "no, you aren't gay!" can sound like "you don't want to be gay. gay is bad. stay straight" to *some* people. not everyone and i'm not saying that is how people mean it. I'm just saying some people who are afraid to admit certain things about themselves might take it that way.

and i still say i don't understand the logic of it anyway. jerking off together is one thing but holy crap sucking dick? how does that count as 100% straight?

[teen.jpg]

I agree.

[Mebenick]

I completely agree. This is perfectly said.

[Macman11]

dont put an label on your self

[Harry Smith]

porns the best indicator. who you're turned on when you see them naked is exactly what defines your sexuality.

Porn isn't the best indicator, I think that your social feeling towards a relationship is the most important factor. I mean everyone knows how much hormones teen's have and this means many teens tend to experiment during these years. However as you get older your sex drive decreases meaning you tend to appreciate the value in the relationship rather than the person's body

[peaceNlove]

i agree completely.

[Troy35216]

Porn isn't the best indicator, I think that your social feeling towards a relationship is the most important factor. I mean everyone knows how much hormones teen's have and this means many teens tend to experiment during these years. However as you get older your sex drive decreases meaning you tend to appreciate the value in the relationship rather than the person's body
it might not be the best indicator but it's in the top ten. gah. you are forcing me to admit stuff i don't want to admit but here goes. ok when i see straight porn that is like girls masturbating or naked girls or whatever. there is zero reaction below the belt if you know what i mean. zip. nada. but. if i am watching Glee and Chord Overstreet just takes his shirt off I am super boned. and trust me there is no emotional attachment between me and him. and that is not even porn it is just him with no shirt on. so yes, porn is a pretty good indicator if straight porn does nothing for you and gay porn or hot guys gives you a blue vein throbber whether you want one or not.

[Harry Smith]

it might not be the best indicator but it's in the top ten. gah. you are forcing me to admit stuff i don't want to admit but here goes. ok when i see straight porn that is like girls masturbating or naked girls or whatever. there is zero reaction below the belt if you know what i mean. zip. nada. but. if i am watching Glee and Chord Overstreet just takes his shirt off I am super boned. and trust me there is no emotional attachment between me and him. and that is not even porn it is just him with no shirt on. so yes, porn is a pretty good indicator if straight porn does nothing for you and gay porn or hot guys gives you a blue vein throbber whether you want one or not.

Haha Chord overstreet is pretty hot

[Troy35216]

Haha Chord overstreet is pretty hot i have to have something in my lap to hide the evidence when i watch that show thanks to him. no lie. :whoops:
so now everyone knows i'm gay i guess which i have avoided saying so far since i joined VT

[naglfari]

Porn isn't the best indicator, I think that your social feeling towards a relationship is the most important factor. I mean everyone knows how much hormones teen's have and this means many teens tend to experiment during these years. However as you get older your sex drive decreases meaning you tend to appreciate the value in the relationship rather than the person's body

I don't think you understand what sexuality is.

also if you're old you really shouldnt be here

[Harry Smith]

I don't think you understand what sexuality is.

also if you're old you really shouldnt be here

I think I do, for me I feel there are two levels to sexuality- emotional and sexual. I feel that you require both of these to be exclusive to a guy in order to identify as being gay. Porn doesn't provide an emotional level- do you ever think whilst watching a video- I would love to take that guy out to dinner and talk about life?

Also mate just because I said the word ' Older' doesn't mean that I'm old, I'm 16 mate I'm perfectly allowed to be here. Have some respect

[naglfari]

hint the key word of sexuality is sexual. who you're physically attracted to is the only thing that determines your sexuality.

[Volleyballboy98]

I totally agree

[Harry Smith]

hint the key word of sexuality is sexual. who you're physically attracted to is the only thing that determines your sexuality.

The aspect of the word sexuality is nothing to do with sexual, it's referring to the gender of whom your attracted to e.g the sex of the person. Your incorrect in saying that Physical attraction is the only thing which determines your sexual attraction, when I was about 12-13 I still in part of thought that girl's were attractive despite classing myself as gay at the time. There are two levels to sexuality, look at MSM- men who sleep with men. They are sexually attracted to men but only sleep with men. They don't enter the whole confides of a relationship at all

[naglfari]

guess what if you sleep with men you aren't straight

[Harry Smith]

guess what if you sleep with men you aren't straight

What about guys just looking to experiment to see what it's like, it's actually a sexual stance now MSM, it's like saying if a gay guy has slept with a women before then he isn't gay. Your sexuality isn't only to do with that the muscle between your legs, it's also dependent on your whole social mindset

[naglfari]

if a gay guy slept with a girl and found her hot then thats right hes not gay he's bi. even if only a little bit. you're bringing all this identifying nonsense into it, which i cant stand. just because you say you're straight or say you're gay doesn't make it true.

[Harry Smith]

if a gay guy slept with a girl and found her hot then thats right hes not gay he's bi. even if only a little bit. you're bringing all this identifying nonsense into it, which i cant stand. just because you say you're straight or say you're gay doesn't make it true.

Found her hot is hardly technical language, you claim that you hate Identifying someone by there sexuality yet you do it about 11 words before hand. My point was merely that there are more thing's involved in one's sexuality than sexual attraction such as emotional attraction and only being able to see yourself with one gender

[naglfari]

and my point is there isn't. you can like anyone's personality. sexuality comes down to nothing but who you're sexually attracted to.

[Harry Smith]

and my point is there isn't. you can like anyone's personality. sexuality comes down to nothing but who you're sexually attracted to.

I'm not talking about personality, I'm referring to the act of having a romantic relationship, you know settling down with kids, living together etc

[naglfari]

if you are sexually attracted to women and sleep with women and date/marry women you're straight

if you are sexually attracted to men and sleep with men and date/marry men, you're gay

if you'd do both of those you're bi

if you are sexually attracted to both men and women but you'd only date women. you're still bi (or at least bicurious)

if you are sexually attracted to men and not women, but you'd only date and have kids with women, guess what you're still gay you just live in alabama or something.

[xmojox]

i got no problem with that. but if you DO choose to label yourself, then why label yourself a vegetarian when your chewing on a piece of meatloaf? either skip the label or pick one that is accurate. even "i don't know" makes more sense imo. saying your straight and then other people agreeing with you, seems to make it harder for other people to admit to themselves that maybe they aren't straight. for some people that is already hard enuf. seeing comments like "no, you aren't gay!" can sound like "you don't want to be gay. gay is bad. stay straight" to *some* people. not everyone and i'm not saying that is how people mean it. I'm just saying some people who are afraid to admit certain things about themselves might take it that way.

and i still say i don't understand the logic of it anyway. jerking off together is one thing but holy crap sucking dick? how does that count as 100% straight?

The kneejerk response about hormones is bullshit, yeah, and suckin dick probably means that a guy's not 100% straight. There could be reasons for somebody mislabeling, though. Fear, confusion, outright denial.... Sometimes it takes people quite awhile to come to grips with their sexuality and sometimes I think people just try on labels to see how they fit. I agree like 500% percent (if that were possible :P) that the "you're not gay it's hormones" response has the possibility of causing more harm than good. It's what people have said here for a long time, though, so I think people believe it's the right response.
A better response would be maybe you're gay and maybe you're not, but either way, it's ok.
Grats on coming out here :) I haven't labelled yet, but I know mine won't be straight, hahaha.

______________________________________________________________

To clear up any confusion about what sexuality means and what determines it, read this sticky that Beans posted. http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=125182

[double_dthatsme]

I couldn't have said it better myself dude! :)

[spl23456]

I agree so much. It's about time someone said this!

[Troy35216]

if you are sexually attracted to men and not women, but you'd only date and have kids with women, guess what you're still gay you just live in alabama or something.
LOL guess where I live? :P
i feel forced to date girls and stuff. so it's either fake it with girls or not date anyone (or be honest and get beat up) alabama sucks.

[Rima]

Why care about all this ? Just go with the flow :)

[PinkFloyd]

Well it's a lot different with Homosexuality because most people aren't 100% sure until they're adults.

Being a physical thing like a vegetarian is different because I could say that I'm not a bank robber, except for that I have 200 grand from a bank in LA that I robbed a few days ago. You see what I mean? Homosexuality is a mental preferance on what gender you want to spend the rest of your life with. Being a vegetarian means you eat ZERO meat. Your friend is not a vegetarian because he eats meat.

[paulw]

I gotta agree with the OP comment about all the things where people sort of say "The good news is u can stop worrying about experimenting, cos ur probably not gay"

It's like, uh, why would being bi or gay be a bad thing? Like you should be relieved if you're probably straight. Has anyone ever been relieved that they're probably gay? LOL

[Lost in the Echo]

I feel the exact same way.
But really, just try not to let it frustrate you. Think about it from their point of view. Maybe they're closeted about their sexuality, and trying to convince themselves they're something that they really aren't.

But yeah, I see what you're saying, it annoys the hell out of me too.

[CharlieHorse]

Bacon is the only red meat I eat... so idk... :/

[Troy35216]

Well it's a lot different with Homosexuality because most people aren't 100% sure until they're adults.
idk about most people. i only know about me. i knew when i was 7. which was before I even understood sex and sexual feelings.



Being a physical thing like a vegetarian is different because I could say that I'm not a bank robber, except for that I have 200 grand from a bank in LA that I robbed a few days ago.
how is that any different? "I am a vegetarian but i eat meat." "I am a not a bank robber but I have money that I stole from a bank." "I am 100% straight but i have sex with other guys." it doesn't matter if it's mental or physical or whatever. my point is saying you are thing X and acting like thing Y does not make you thing X just cuz you say you that is what you are. Actions speak louder than words. and the reason (IMO) that it matters is cuz it sends the message that thing Y is a bad thing to be. So you can act like thing Y all you want as long as you don't admit it that is what you are, and keep telling everyone you are really thing X. If that is what you want to do then go for it. all i'm saying is I don't understand the logic. Yes, some guys jerk off together when they first discover stuff like that. but if they are still doing it 2 or 3 years later it's not experimenting any more, it's a part of who they are. and experimenting by jerking off together is not the same as blow jobs or butt sex IMO. but that's how i feel about straight sex too. making out or hand jobs is different than boinking. that's a whole other level.

Bacon is the only red meat I eat... so idk... :/
Bacon is the food of the Gods. :D

[RoseyCadaver]

Maybe he's not gay. maybe he's bi. but he doesn't sound 100% straight and instead of saying, Yes you are a meat eating vegetarian, why can't the answer be, there's nothing wrong with not being a vegetarian and nothing wrong with eating a burger if that is what you like?



Thank you.

However a lot of people like to reassure others in that they aren't gay, because being anything other than straight, let's face it, can be pretty shitty and someone may not be ready to realize that.

I remember when I first started thinking that I might be something other than straight, I got depressed, dropped 15 pounds, and didn't speak very much. However over time I've slowly acclimated myself to the realization that I'm not straight, however I also took time to realize I'm not gay either, and realized I'm not sure what I am.

Which I feel can be one of the hardest things in admitting with sexuality is, you just don't know sometimes.

Everyone finds their place, it just takes time and can be scary.

[Troy35216]

Thank you.

However a lot of people like to reassure others in that they aren't gay, because being anything other than straight, let's face it, can be pretty shitty and someone may not be ready to realize that.


Everyone finds their place, it just takes time and can be scary.
no argument here. but if my choices are having someone say, "it can be scary figuring out who you are, but who you are is okay, even tho other people may not agree." or having someone say, "I will help you deny who you are and help you lie about how you are because who you are is NOT okay." I would rather have door number one. I know other people want door number 2. heck, for a long time I wanted door number 2. It took hearing "Nope. your not a vegetarian. sorry. but guess what? i don't care cuz there's nothing wrong with not being a vegetarian" before I could stop hating that part of myself that I wasn't able to change no matter how much I tried and lied and prayed and pretended.

[RoseyCadaver]

but guess what? i don't care cuz there's nothing wrong with not being a vegetarian" before I could stop hating that part of myself that I wasn't able to change no matter how much I tried and lied and prayed and pretended.

Amen to that last part.

When I still believed a God was listening to me, I couldn't help but request him I'd wake up in another world where it's cool to be what I am, or that he'd make me a straight man or straight woman. :P

Now I'm neither straight or really gay and could care less of my gender.

[Phoenix911]

i totally agree with everything naglfari said..if it was me i would already admit to myself that im gay.. i mean if you had some kind of sexual attraction to girls then i would say that for now you confuse or mayb bi..but like you said u've watch straight porn and there was no reaction so that says a lot, when will those attraction come.. i hope you find the answer you looking for.

[Troy35216]

i totally agree with everything naglfari said..if it was me i would already admit to myself that im gay.. i mean if you had some kind of sexual attraction to girls then i would say that for now you confuse or mayb bi..but like you said u've watch straight porn and there was no reaction so that says a lot, when will those attraction come.. i hope you find the answer you looking for.

lol thanks but i wasn't talking about me. i am not looking for any answers for myself. I was speaking in general about the bazillions of posts and the bazillions of responses that ask about this. me, I'm good.

[Abigballofdust]

I agree with you.
Although you gotta understand some people may be confused about what's happening around them. Plus they might not want to be gay since their family or close friends may be unsupportive, so they come here hoping to get an assuring negative response to whether or not they happen to be homosexual.

So yeah, if you get horny on gay porn, dream about having a relationship (or just screwing) with your same sex you may as well be gay. And there's nothing wrong with that.
But better yet if you don't label yourself. Sexuality is not a black and white situation.

[Troy35216]

Sexuality is not a black and white situation.
yeh sometimes it's Asian or Eskimo :rolleyes: (jk....don't kill me)

[Abigballofdust]

yeh sometimes it's Asian or Eskimo :rolleyes: (jk....don't kill me)

Hey guys, my skin is yellow-ish and my eyes are somewhat slanted. Am I Asian????

No, you're probably Caucasian, just going through a phase... Many teens do.

[Troy35216]

Hey guys, my skin is yellow-ish and my eyes are somewhat slanted. Am I Asian????

No, you're probably Caucasian, just going through a phase... Many teens do.

haha exactly!

[Meh Guy]

Yeah I think everyone wants to be straight due to environment but they haven't fully accepted it yet...

[Hermes96]

i agree i have a mate who says shes a vegie but she eats KFC