I don't think I can do it.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

This is computer is basically my coffin. I can't take the constant frusturation. I attempted suicide a little more than a year ago and I really want to try it again. I'm alone at my relatives house, it would be so eay to just kill myself. I really feel I should just do it. I don't know what else to say besides that I'll see you all in Hell. I couldn't take it. The stress. The constantly growing problems. Everyday a new problem pops up. I can't do it, I suck at life. I'm sorry everyone. I'm just that worthless.




Well, you all were great for the short time I was here,

ciao ~ R. Elliot D.

[One_Chance]

Please dont do it Elliot

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Well, before I leave I'd like to thank you Calumbaird. You may feel like that talk did no good at all since I've posted this, but it helped me. Atleast this time it won't be painful, and they won't find me before I die.

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Can you please wait, and think for a minute? Suicide is never the answer. Just wait awhile please...

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Why stall? Why extend my misery? Do you want me to live like this? Feeling insecure, with a low self-esteem, and no chance of ever leading a happy and succesful life. My parents don't love me, who will? A face only a mother can love? Well, she can't even love this one. I'm never good enough for anyone. My parents especially. You all are great people, but I'm not. You should live, I don't think I want to or should. I should be able to chose. I'm thinking as rationally as I ever have. I don't think I have much more to live for.

[One_Chance]

Please reconsider Elliot, suicide is not the answer :(

[Serenity]

Excuse me sir.

I talk from experience that suicide isn't the answer. I attempted suicide once, and that did nothing except let me realize how much of an idiot I was for thinking that that would help me. I really don't think that suicide would help you. I know that it will be almost unbearably painful for you to have to live through your mother's death, but "suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem". Those were the first word I heard when I got out of the hospital. Don't do it. That's what I think.

Don't you DARE kill yourself. You owe yourself your life. I'll say it again, don't you dare kill yourself. If not for the people around you, but simply for you. And who says you get to decide who deserves to live or not? Everyone deserves to live, there's no such thing as a worthless person. You don't THINK you have MUCH to live for. Well I KNOW that there's at least some small part of you that still WANTS to live and therefore you keep going.

I know what it's like to be at rock bottom, I know what it's like to feel like you're a waste of breath and a failure to all, I know what it's like to want to end your misery NOW. But let me tell you something, killing yourself, or attempting to kill yourself, is only going to cause more and more misery and will not help you in any way, shape, or form.

You think you suck at life? Well prove you don't by sticking it out! Prove it to yourself and to the rest of the world that you ARE a good person and you DO deserve to be here with the rest of us. You know and I know that deep down you're a good person- only good people can feel pain, because it proves they have a heart. And every good person deserves life. Please don't do this, I can't beg you enough- please give yourself another chance.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

You say that, but what do you suggest? I'm sitting hear in tears wanting to die and you're there in your calm neighborhood loving your life. You can't possibly have a better alternative. I've been through a lot, not that you guys and girls haven't, but I can't manage it as well as you. I suck at life I told you. I fail at everything that I try to do. I need some sort of escape,
not a solution. I don't want to deal with my problems any more. I don't have to.


Edit: Why can't I decide if I want to live? It's my life and they tell you in schools when you grow up you can do whatever you want. I grew up. I'm mature enough to make this decision. I said that to help someone that deserved it. I just want a way out!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT! tHIS IS MY ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE YOU CALL LIFE! It isn't worth the struggle.

[Serenity]

You say that, but what do you suggest? I'm sitting hear in tears wanting to die and you're there in your calm neighborhood loving your life. You can't possibly have a better alternative. I've been through a lot, not that you guys and girls haven't, but I can't manage it as well as you. I suck at life I told you. I fail at everything that I try to do. I need some sort of escape, not a solution. I don't want to deal with my problems any more. I don't have to.

My calm neighborhood? You don't even know anything about my life, and I'm not about to go and tell you my whole life story to prove it to you. I have a lot of better alternatives- apply yourself to something meaningful, make a difference somewhere, help someone with something. The only people who think they suck at life are the ones who haven't found anything that gives them a sense of worth. My thing is music. You need to find your thing. I can't tell you what it is, but there's something for everyone. Music, art, dancing, acting, reading, writing, sports, debating, ANYTHING. But you can't sit there and expect things to get better. You also can't kill yourself and expect things to get better. Your suicide will not. Solve. ANYTHING.

[Underground_Network]

Please, Elliot, I've been in the same situation. Don't take your life. You might feel worthless, but think of the devastation that your death will bring. Even if you parents don't seem to love you, they really do. You can't claim to know your fate now, you're too young to think that success does not lie ahead. You can become successful in many ways. Let your life lead you somewhere, but don't let it lead you to death. Pull through, keep strong, please reconsider. Death is not the answer. I've tried suicide as well, and I know what its like to really want to die. But please, don't do it; if you're still alive, please reconsider. There's more to life than what you think. You have more to live for, you should live for the sake of living. You wouldn't be around if your existence was worthless. If there was no reason for you to be on this Earth, you would've never come to be. You never know who could make a difference, you never know what you could end up being. You have to let fate guide you, but don't let it guide you in the wrong direction. Death is not the answer. It answers maybe one question out of many, but once you choose death, those many other questions are left unanswered. And even after death not all your problems are solved. Don't kill yourself, if not for the sake of your family and friends, do it for US, we support you, we love you in a sense. We're here for you, especially Calumbaird. Know that you have at least one, probably two, and probably even more than two, good friends here on VT; to me thats more than enough of a reason to keep strong and keep living. Killing yourself doesn't drain the world of misery, it just spreads misery and suffering even further. Please, on my hands and knees, I'm begging you, don't kill yourself. :cry:

[One_Chance]

You say that, but what do you suggest? I'm sitting hear in tears wanting to die and you're there in your calm neighborhood loving your life. You can't possibly have a better alternative. I've been through a lot, not that you guys and girls haven't, but I can't manage it as well as you. I suck at life I told you. I fail at everything that I try to do. I need some sort of escape,
not a solution. I don't want to deal with my problems any more. I don't have to.


Edit: Why can't I decide if I want to live? It's my life and they tell you in schools when you grow up you can do whatever you want. I grew up. I'm mature enough to make this decision. I said that to help someone that deserved it. I just want a way out!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT! tHIS IS MY ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE YOU CALL LIFE! It isn't worth the struggle.

Elliot please dont do this to yourself :(. You have been through a lot and you are a better person than you think you are. Please know that suicide isnt the answer. I hope that you choose to live :(

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

but if i don't end up doing it today, what about the day after, or after that. Each day gets worse. I have no counselor, no therapist. What am I to do? Even if I don't commit suicide EVER I'll still be miserable. I'll still end up cutting myself, or finding some other way out. How could my parents really care if all they did the last time this happened was bring me to the hospital (damn English) and forget about it. Maybe I could change something, make something better, but if I'm not around, someone else will do it after me and get the credit. I don't need to prove that I don't suck at life, I've tried, I failed at it.


Edit: I really can't stand this being alive anymore. That knife makes a better argument than you. Or atleast in my mind. I'm really sorry, but I think I'm done talking.

[schrei jess]

Did you say you DID go to the hospital, or they wanted to put you in one? Because if you haven't been to one, I'd say that's a good choice, and I know because I was put in one for two weeks.

[One_Chance]

Elliot, If you want to you can get help, you can find a counselor or a therapist. You can make it better, you havent failed at life, youve achived more than I and a lot of other people have and stayed strong. Please dont do it Elliot :cry:

[Underground_Network]

Why can't you get yourself to a therapist or a counselor?? I mean, it may be tough to get to a therapist, but why don't you seek help from a school counselor (crisis counselor/guidance counselor), I'm sure they can help you out and guide you in the right direction. That's where you should start. You should see a counselor of some sort, they'll help you out and you can't say (unless you're homeschooled) that you can't see a counselor, as there is no reason other than what i previously stated as to why you can't go and see a counselor. But even if you don't, just keep things together, make it through, everything will be all right, and see what lies ahead in your future, don't end what could be right now. Keep strong and live, don't take your own life.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

That guidance counselor can't help me. A guidance counselor is trained for the worst of their problems to be some kid might smoke pot. Not kill himself. I feeel ashamed to even think about suicide again. I thought I wouldn't try and resort to this. I think the first time I was unlucky. I'm running out of things to say to you besides "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE" It's that simple. You can't just let me ebe. I guess I appreciate what you're doing, but it's hard to when all you're doing is stalling my quck and painless escape from every problem I have. It even sounds nice.

[Underground_Network]

I wasn't even saying that he/she could actually help you, but he/she could be someone for you to talk to, and has the power to get you to see someone such as a therapist or psychiatrist or someone like that. You should seriously just see a counselor and see what happens, I seriously don't see how it could make your situation worse Elliot. Come on, you have to try and solve your problems, not ignore them.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

I'm not ignoring them. I'm just taking a different approach to getting away from them. One that takes less suffering. I thtink I'll think about it more, but I want to do it. I'll give myself half and hour and in that time I'll think of everey reason why I shouldn't die. If I can't come up with 10 then I find it pointless to be here.

[One_Chance]

Elliot, please dont kill yourself. I know that you have been through a lot but suicide isnt the answer. Please, try to look for somone or anyone to talk to and help you. I have to go now, I should be able to get 3 hours sleep till i have to go to school, I really hope to see that you are ok in the morning. I hope it all works out for you Elliot :( goodnight

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Well, I guess I lose. I came up with 10 reasons with 4 more minutes to spare. Thanks. I guess I'll appreciate this more once I get older. I owe you... I'm sorry I made such a big deal out of this. Although next time I probably shouldn't post this... (not that theree will be a next time with my luck...)

Edit: No Jess, I went to the hospital from my last suicide attempt which almost worked. Not a mental institution if that's what you're saying

[thesphinx]

Sorry I'm late for this. but I'm glad you made the right choice. you can Always talk to me about this. I gave you my aim username. if you ever want to talk, hang in there :)

EDIT: And for the future please remember that you signed the no suicide thread. I, R.E.D. (initials), pledge never to attempt suicide (again) under any circumstances.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

.... I told you I signed my soul to the Devil. I wasn't thinking about that when suicide popped in my head. I'll e-mail you or something if this happens again, thanks.

[schrei jess]

I was restricted from posting so I couldn't reply, so anyway.

Maybe you should consider being put into a mental institution? It sounds awful, and it feels kind of awful, but it really helped me. I still get depressed, of course, but I am not self injuring anymore, and I am not having suicidal thoughts near as frequently, I don't seriously consider or try to do it anymore. I think it would help you.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

I wouldn't ever put myself in a mental institution! I may not be feeling grear, but I don't need a mental institution. I'll be fine. I'm turning my life around.

[thesphinx]

Whether or not you want to go to a mental institution you need to get help from a counselor or a psychologist of some sort. don't try to do it alone.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

Well, I just think that I'm capable of doing it. I may try and find a therapist or something, but I'd rather not. I don't even feel comfortable talking to my dogs about stuff like this, let alone a human being. Even if it is confidential, I'd still be nervous of what they could think of me.

[thesphinx]

They are trained to not be judge mental once you get used to talking to them you relax a lot and you can really get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you are feeling. this was my first response too "I can go it alone" but after awhile I realized I couldn't please at least try it :)

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

...I'll look for a good therapist, but I can't promise I'll stay there. I hate the idea of it. It makes me feel like I'm too dependant... "I need that therapist", that and I also feel self-concious I guess.

Edit: I think that I'll just go to a hospital in Vermont since they have a psych ward up there.