I just dont know what to do or how to cope :/

[Haydenn3]

(I dont know if this breaks any rules or anything or if its in the right place sorry )

Hey im Hayden i am 16 and currently fighting myself with self harming i dont know why it just sounds a good idea right now i feel abit bluh really i feel ugly worthless and things like that i try to keep myself happy but sometimes it just takes over it doesn't help knowing i have exams in 6 weeks and have lost all motivation for school i really do want to do well but i just cant my mother says im just lazy and i dont care but i do i really do it just doesn't go in im so screwed i have no talent no backup nothing i just dont know what to do i want to go out move away fly free be free i really want to become a youtuber because i feel like thats where i belong but i cant do that im just pathetic youtube is my dream job it would fit how i want to live perfectly
My friend also is suicidal and trying to commit yet i have doubts she really likes me she treats me like shit yet claims im her best friend i just want to run away from this life i hate it but love parts to my friend is the only one who helps me to get out and talk to people but it is only when it suits her and when its good for her or when she has nothing or none to turn to im always there for her and she doesnt express how she feels about life and her depression i found out about her trying to kill herself by asking her to come out and see me and she replied with i cant im in hospital she didnt let me see her yet her other friends could also my other friend may have cancer her mum is suicidal and has cancer and i just need to get out run be free be me live with no boundary's I feel like soon i will just run leave everyone or end it im just waiting to be pushed that little bit further

Thanks for the your time
Hayden

[Harry Smith]

Your from Suffolk right? My best bit of advice would be to just forget the world and all the baggage it contains and head down to the beach. Just look out onto the sea and you'll see the beauty of life.

Also you've got the aim of working with YouTube. Make that your goal, your dream, your focus. Not many 16 year old know what they want to do but you have a clear idea of what you want.

Somehow life will always un-fuck itself you just have to give it time. Live life for yourself, be selfish and spoil yourself tomorrow

[bored4evah]

youtube is a place full off opiturnaties, so try to focuse on that and school and you will get somewhere :) who knows, they might even ask you for a partnership some day!