Double Standards? (Kinda)

[ComparisonMan]

**This was the best place i could think for this to go, sorry if its in the wrong spot**

Hey everyone, just some basics, im 15, gay, and have a boyfriend. So, something has been just really bothering me lately and i have no clue how to solve it. Let me just give some background info first: Ever since i came out as gay, the thoughts of having to come out dissapated and i was left with new ones, which was the common self-hatred ones. After coming out, a week or two later, i got a boyfriend. Now, nothing is wrong with my boyfriend, as a matter of fact we've almost been dating for 6 months now, but i feel like theres a problem with me. I swear i have depression and/or anxiety but ive never been diagnosed with them because im too afraid to ask my mom. I feel like shell just send me to a therapist even though i know they wont work because ive tested it out with a school therapist before. But so, i feel like that, along with the self hatred just causes a big problem in my relationship with my boyfriend. I am practically envious of him, everything about him just seems perfect to me and when i start to compare myself to him i just get into a really bad mood. He knows this happens but i dont think he understands how badly it affects me. So now that you have that info, the thing thats been bothering me a lot lately is that i can do something, and he doesnt care all that much, but when he does it, i get into a really bad mood. For example, tonight, he said he was going to drink. Now i can sit here and say im fine with that, and i really am, until he does it. Call me crazy. It just bothers the crap out of me and i cant understand why. Like when i drink, he seems to be completely fine with it, but like just what the heck? After weeks of thinking about it i feel like its because maybe im jealous of him? or maybe im worried? or just maybe its both? I dont know, but it annoys me because i feel like i end up ruining his fun when i get into a bad mood. So like what are youre thoughts on this? How do you think i can solve it? Because its really just bothering me

[peaceNlove]

I think that the reason why you don't like him drinking is simply because you are worried about him, I don't really see how you can be jealous of his drinking. But anyway, maybe you're not ready for a relationship. It just seems as though you need to sort things out with yourself. I feel like you should find a way to deal with the feelings you have about yourself before you enter a relationship. What do you think?

[Rayquaza]

It's good that you're always thinking about him, and to be honest it sounds like if you can let go of all of these, you'll have a good relationship. Don't be jealous of him, remember, he's your boyfriend and not anyone elses. Maybe you feel threatened that he might leave you, but he's going out with you and you should be happy with him. Express to him you feel a little worried, and he should give you his affection back. If you feel that it's too much for you, however, you need to have a serious talk with him if it's affecting you as a person, as you may not be ready for a relationship yet. It's normal to feel a bit jealous as you find someone so perfect for you, and now you need to accept it.