Gender roles.

[lyriclover]

I really don't feel like I'm a guy... or a girl. Physically I'm a girl but mentally I don't feel like either. I feel like depending on the day I could be either or, or a mix of both. I try to dress and look non binary but theres one problem... I have really long wavy dirty blonde hair. I hate it but my parents wont let me get it cut they way I want. Everyone thinks I'm a femme even though I wear all guys clothes and carry myself like a guy. There's only one person that knows I'm gender queer but that's only because they are too. I feel like around my family I have to be a girly girl. Ive tried talking to them and thy say that I'm a girl and I just act like a guy sometimes for attention. It's not like I want surgery, maybe enough T to ballence out the estrogen, and besides that only clothing and hair. do I have to wait til I'm 18 for all this or is there something else I can do?

[PinkFloyd]

Well it's ultimately your decision. I mean your parents can't tell you how to dress or wear your hair. That is a violation of your human rights.

[Ryhanna]

If your parents won't allow you to do anything medically, unfortunately you might have to wait. It sucks, but what can you do if they won't let you? You'll more than likely need parental consent as a minor, and if they won't allow it, then there isn't much you can do.

Talk to them again. Try to make them understand the way you feel. They might not, but it's the best you can do.

Other than that, just do what you can to be who you are. Gender roles are ridiculously stupid. Being male or female doesn't define the way you should dress or act. Keep that in mind.

[lyriclover]

Idk I just hate my hair and im not allowed to cut it all off like I want to.

[ReginaGeorge]

Honestly, it's hair. Hair. Make an appointment and go get it done how you want. You may get some crap when you get home, but ultimately you'll feel better. I can tell it's not just a hair cut for you, it's a part of your gender identity so it's important to put yourself first in matters like this. If you plan to get it completely cut into a boyish cut, maybe just get it cut to your shoulders for now, to soften the blow, but remember, it's your choice. It's your hair, it's your feelings, it's your identity and you parents don't really have a say.

You can try to cut it yourself but I only recommend this as the last option because it can go terribly wrong very easily. Look into getting it cut professionally, or research ways to make it look shorter or more masculine: hats, pony tails, I'm not sure.

Since you are already dressing in men's clothing, to make yourself more androgynous or masculine, if you have medium to large breasts, you could buy a sports bra. They will flatten your chest a bit, give you a less feminine figure. Unless you're serious about your chest, I would stay away from binding because that can damage the tissue if not done properly, also there can sometimes be breathing problems on top of it being uncomfortable.

As for the medical side, unfortunately, you're probably going to have to wait until you're 18 because of your parents. I'm sorry. It must seem like a long time, but it will come. You just need to be patient. On a positive note of this, you have 3 - 4 years to research what exactly you want to do and what's involved with it. You have all this time to figure out exactly what you want. Whether that be hormones, surgery, or just other ways to help show your gender.

I hope this helps a little, and I'm sorry about your parents being dickbags. VT is always open.

[Smeagol]

Good luck! I think that being able to do whatever you want is important. You can either a, cut it yourself (I've done this lol) or b, have your parents drop you off at a hair salon without telling them exactly what you're doing (I've done this too lol). You might get in a little trouble but it all depends on how much it means to you... It's more than just hair, obviously. Long hair like that is a very feminine appearance. I hope that you sort it all out and it goes well for you hun!

[peaceNlove]

Honestly, i say just cut your hair! Lol, yea they might get pissed, but at the end of the day they don't understand at all how you feel. They won't be able to get it. And I think gender roles are unnecessary. It just doesn't make sense that girls have to be like this and guys have to be like that. I know someone who actually switches genders. So they'll be a girl one day and they'll be a guy another day.