Strawberry_Essence
March 25th, 2013, 01:49 AM
I'm 13 and I am in 8th grade. I've been bullied since 1st grade by a variety of different people with no reason what-so-ever. The first cases of my bullying weren't so extreme, because after-all we were all so young, we still had innocence. But at the time it was painful for me to endure.
But to save time, I'll begin where it started to get extreme..
In fourth grade I saw a group of girls throwing balls and shoes at a boy who was mute. These girls were harassing him because they though he was faking for attention. And because no aids were able to hear him he wasn't able to do anything about this but mime out signs of pain. I was to afraid to step in myself so I searched the playground for an aid and ended up finding one who stopped the issue. The girls all got suspended for four days and I was recognized for taking appropriate actions for the situation. When the girls got back from their suspension they ganged up on me for "tattling" and beat me up behind this portable on the other side of the playground where there was no supervision. They grabbed me by my arms and dragged me across our dirt field. I didn't tell anyone about it because I was afraid to "tattle" again...
One of the girls lived down the street from me. When I left my house occasionally to got ride my bike around she'd send her 7th grade brother out to go beat me up. He often attempted to sexually abuse me but I got away most of the time. That's when I began to stop leaving my house as often.
In Sixth grade I joined a softball team for a 14U division, I was eleven at the time so I was pretty young to be in that division. I only moved up because I was really competitive and I guess you could say I was better than a lot of other girls. Apparently these girls didn't like the fact that I was taking up the more preferred positions, only because I tried and wanted to play those positions. I could sense they were Jealous, because what else could it be? One practice we had the coach had to leave early so he let the older girls finish it up. They abused their privilege and worked me continuously with out water or breaks, until I passed out in the heat. When I woke up I was at the bottom of a hill covered in thorns and grass, I was all bloody and bruised and felt like shit. I climbed up to the top and they had stolen all of my equipment. Again, I didn't tattle...
In Seventh grade, My friends that I had mad all grouped (about 11 of them) up together and started to ignore me because I was quiet. They didn't want someone as "incapable as me" They would say,"If you can't stand up for yourself then we won't stand up for you either.", or "Go carry your baggage somewhere else." I left the group and became a total loner. I was get judgmental looks when I walked alone because if someone wasn't in a "clique" then something "MUST" have been wrong with you. Girls that had nothing better to do harassed me for all my friends leaving me. Said"We were wondering when they'd realize you're worthless."
My "friends" made a fake Facebook account messaged my crush and told him I liked him. He just laughed and began bad talking about me. He told them I had a big/pig nose, I was too short, My hair was too short...e.c.t
I was so angry and depressed I went upstairs into my bathroom that night with a bottle of acetaminophen and began popping pills. In my hands I had a notebook full of everything thing that had ever happened to me, My future goals/dreams, and all my hatred for everyone. My father was a big subject in my notebooks because of some things he had done to my family in the past and his neglect towards me. My sister walked in to the bathroom as i was taking more pills. She screamed and grabbed me and my parents ran up and screamed at me too. My mom was mostly in shock. I was rushed to an emergency room and from there I was transported to about three different hospitals where they declared I has a 51/50. I was then sent to a mental hospital and spent 2 weeks there. I came back not myself, but under the influence of medications for all sorts of problems they diagnosed me with.
In 8th grade, I had a crush on a boy. He was a grade lower than me but he had a lot of problems too. He was like me in a way. But the moment I learned about him I had this urge to help him and support him. I wanted to help him because no one helped me. We eventually started dating but it ended when I broke up with him. I was felt weird being in a relationship and it game me anxiety. I felt selfish and horrible. But I thought it was best because I was looking out for me. I underestimated how big of an impact I had on him. He attempted suicide that night and still hasn't been the same since. News of this quickly spread and people began harassing me again. I stopped taking my medication because I felt it was making me someone I wasn't. My emotions scooped for the worse. I started receiving threatening and harassing messages from a boy in one of my classes. He was calling me a whore, slut, fag e.c.t. The high school kids next to my school also heard about this and started stalking me home. Someone would just shadow behind me and make suggestive comments. I pretended I was sick and stayed home from school for a while until everything calmed down. I then came to school. About an hour after school had started the day I came back police came by and took me to their station where my parents were at. Apparently I was not only being stalked by high school students, but also a registered sex offender. A man had been plotting my kidnapping. But for some odd reason this didn't effect me at all.
I continued school and avoided everyone and sat alone by myself. At this point it was routine. I was used to it. I am used to it. One day there was this girl. She went to a school in a different city but moved to mine for similar scenarios she had gone through. We became really good friends. I even started to have a crush on her.^^;....I went to her house a few times. She lived only with her dad and her brother. On a late night like this one, we decided to sneak some of her dads vodka while he was out with his girlfriend. We were only going to try a little but we ended up drinking a lot. Enough to mess up our perspective on things. We went upstairs to her room but on the way up her 16 year old brother grabbed me and attempted to rape me. I almost let it happen but I ended up saving myself.
After that I found out my Best friend (One I knew since kindergarten) had attempted suicide and was in a mental hospital. I felt like shit because I wasn't there for he when she needed me. I called her all the time and comforted her because I knew what she was going through. I went to school the next day and things when slowly for me. I was still in shock. On the way home I decided to take a shorter route. Two boys were going that way that I guess could be considered popular kids. They grabbed me and punched me in the back they said "Hey look! It's that emo chick. Aren't you that emo chick?" They shook me around and began touching my breast. They pinned my on the ground and started molesting me. I was freaking out and I was squirming around to try and fight them off but I couldn't get them off of me. "I heard about ****'s 'vacation'". They were referencing my friend being in the hospital. This really began to trigger me so I screamed even louder and I knocked one of the boy's teeth out when I punched him. They started beating me and continued to sexually assault me.
A few weeks later (About a week and a half ago), I went on a field trip to Disneyland for a choir festival. Our choir was split up into many smaller groups and we all had a few chaperones. A girl that had spread rumors about me, saying I was a bitch and an Over-dramatic attention hogging slut, happened to be in my group. I didn't want to ruin the time for everyone else in my group so I put up with her. Her and I both had to use the restroom so we went together. Things were going smoothly between us with little friction. It took me a short time to go pee and It took her a few minutes. I brought it up and we were both giggling. She said, "The bigger you are, the more you have to go." That struck me as funny so I said I was going to share it with the rest of our group. Although I wasn't intending on actually sharing that joke she still didn't tell me not to. So I teasingly said "Hey guys, guess what Jes-". She stopped me half way through and grabbed my hair and collar of my shirt. I thought she was playing around.. aggressively..So I didn't stop her. She began dragging me on the stone walk way up to a dumpster bin. She threw me against the wall and the bin and I was pinned. I was bleeding everywhere but I was still in shock. Our chaperones started running up and screaming out her but that was the end of it. No discipline what-so-ever. A few days later rumors started that she beat me up and I was unconscious, Kids started teasing me again an one kid followed me to my classrooms and pulled my pony tail and knocked at the stuff of my handbag. I didn't even know this kid. ~
Right now there are rumors going around saying I wanted to fight this girl again. But I don't and I'm terrified right now. I don't know what to do. And the more I think the more scared I get. I've been really suicidal lately and I've been...I don't even know. I'm just hurting and I can't think straight. I don't have many friends I can go to for help.. I really need support right now and I've had all this bottled up. I'm sorry for posting my life story I just really felt the need to vent.
But to save time, I'll begin where it started to get extreme..
In fourth grade I saw a group of girls throwing balls and shoes at a boy who was mute. These girls were harassing him because they though he was faking for attention. And because no aids were able to hear him he wasn't able to do anything about this but mime out signs of pain. I was to afraid to step in myself so I searched the playground for an aid and ended up finding one who stopped the issue. The girls all got suspended for four days and I was recognized for taking appropriate actions for the situation. When the girls got back from their suspension they ganged up on me for "tattling" and beat me up behind this portable on the other side of the playground where there was no supervision. They grabbed me by my arms and dragged me across our dirt field. I didn't tell anyone about it because I was afraid to "tattle" again...
One of the girls lived down the street from me. When I left my house occasionally to got ride my bike around she'd send her 7th grade brother out to go beat me up. He often attempted to sexually abuse me but I got away most of the time. That's when I began to stop leaving my house as often.
In Sixth grade I joined a softball team for a 14U division, I was eleven at the time so I was pretty young to be in that division. I only moved up because I was really competitive and I guess you could say I was better than a lot of other girls. Apparently these girls didn't like the fact that I was taking up the more preferred positions, only because I tried and wanted to play those positions. I could sense they were Jealous, because what else could it be? One practice we had the coach had to leave early so he let the older girls finish it up. They abused their privilege and worked me continuously with out water or breaks, until I passed out in the heat. When I woke up I was at the bottom of a hill covered in thorns and grass, I was all bloody and bruised and felt like shit. I climbed up to the top and they had stolen all of my equipment. Again, I didn't tattle...
In Seventh grade, My friends that I had mad all grouped (about 11 of them) up together and started to ignore me because I was quiet. They didn't want someone as "incapable as me" They would say,"If you can't stand up for yourself then we won't stand up for you either.", or "Go carry your baggage somewhere else." I left the group and became a total loner. I was get judgmental looks when I walked alone because if someone wasn't in a "clique" then something "MUST" have been wrong with you. Girls that had nothing better to do harassed me for all my friends leaving me. Said"We were wondering when they'd realize you're worthless."
My "friends" made a fake Facebook account messaged my crush and told him I liked him. He just laughed and began bad talking about me. He told them I had a big/pig nose, I was too short, My hair was too short...e.c.t
I was so angry and depressed I went upstairs into my bathroom that night with a bottle of acetaminophen and began popping pills. In my hands I had a notebook full of everything thing that had ever happened to me, My future goals/dreams, and all my hatred for everyone. My father was a big subject in my notebooks because of some things he had done to my family in the past and his neglect towards me. My sister walked in to the bathroom as i was taking more pills. She screamed and grabbed me and my parents ran up and screamed at me too. My mom was mostly in shock. I was rushed to an emergency room and from there I was transported to about three different hospitals where they declared I has a 51/50. I was then sent to a mental hospital and spent 2 weeks there. I came back not myself, but under the influence of medications for all sorts of problems they diagnosed me with.
In 8th grade, I had a crush on a boy. He was a grade lower than me but he had a lot of problems too. He was like me in a way. But the moment I learned about him I had this urge to help him and support him. I wanted to help him because no one helped me. We eventually started dating but it ended when I broke up with him. I was felt weird being in a relationship and it game me anxiety. I felt selfish and horrible. But I thought it was best because I was looking out for me. I underestimated how big of an impact I had on him. He attempted suicide that night and still hasn't been the same since. News of this quickly spread and people began harassing me again. I stopped taking my medication because I felt it was making me someone I wasn't. My emotions scooped for the worse. I started receiving threatening and harassing messages from a boy in one of my classes. He was calling me a whore, slut, fag e.c.t. The high school kids next to my school also heard about this and started stalking me home. Someone would just shadow behind me and make suggestive comments. I pretended I was sick and stayed home from school for a while until everything calmed down. I then came to school. About an hour after school had started the day I came back police came by and took me to their station where my parents were at. Apparently I was not only being stalked by high school students, but also a registered sex offender. A man had been plotting my kidnapping. But for some odd reason this didn't effect me at all.
I continued school and avoided everyone and sat alone by myself. At this point it was routine. I was used to it. I am used to it. One day there was this girl. She went to a school in a different city but moved to mine for similar scenarios she had gone through. We became really good friends. I even started to have a crush on her.^^;....I went to her house a few times. She lived only with her dad and her brother. On a late night like this one, we decided to sneak some of her dads vodka while he was out with his girlfriend. We were only going to try a little but we ended up drinking a lot. Enough to mess up our perspective on things. We went upstairs to her room but on the way up her 16 year old brother grabbed me and attempted to rape me. I almost let it happen but I ended up saving myself.
After that I found out my Best friend (One I knew since kindergarten) had attempted suicide and was in a mental hospital. I felt like shit because I wasn't there for he when she needed me. I called her all the time and comforted her because I knew what she was going through. I went to school the next day and things when slowly for me. I was still in shock. On the way home I decided to take a shorter route. Two boys were going that way that I guess could be considered popular kids. They grabbed me and punched me in the back they said "Hey look! It's that emo chick. Aren't you that emo chick?" They shook me around and began touching my breast. They pinned my on the ground and started molesting me. I was freaking out and I was squirming around to try and fight them off but I couldn't get them off of me. "I heard about ****'s 'vacation'". They were referencing my friend being in the hospital. This really began to trigger me so I screamed even louder and I knocked one of the boy's teeth out when I punched him. They started beating me and continued to sexually assault me.
A few weeks later (About a week and a half ago), I went on a field trip to Disneyland for a choir festival. Our choir was split up into many smaller groups and we all had a few chaperones. A girl that had spread rumors about me, saying I was a bitch and an Over-dramatic attention hogging slut, happened to be in my group. I didn't want to ruin the time for everyone else in my group so I put up with her. Her and I both had to use the restroom so we went together. Things were going smoothly between us with little friction. It took me a short time to go pee and It took her a few minutes. I brought it up and we were both giggling. She said, "The bigger you are, the more you have to go." That struck me as funny so I said I was going to share it with the rest of our group. Although I wasn't intending on actually sharing that joke she still didn't tell me not to. So I teasingly said "Hey guys, guess what Jes-". She stopped me half way through and grabbed my hair and collar of my shirt. I thought she was playing around.. aggressively..So I didn't stop her. She began dragging me on the stone walk way up to a dumpster bin. She threw me against the wall and the bin and I was pinned. I was bleeding everywhere but I was still in shock. Our chaperones started running up and screaming out her but that was the end of it. No discipline what-so-ever. A few days later rumors started that she beat me up and I was unconscious, Kids started teasing me again an one kid followed me to my classrooms and pulled my pony tail and knocked at the stuff of my handbag. I didn't even know this kid. ~
Right now there are rumors going around saying I wanted to fight this girl again. But I don't and I'm terrified right now. I don't know what to do. And the more I think the more scared I get. I've been really suicidal lately and I've been...I don't even know. I'm just hurting and I can't think straight. I don't have many friends I can go to for help.. I really need support right now and I've had all this bottled up. I'm sorry for posting my life story I just really felt the need to vent.