Calamitousx3
March 22nd, 2013, 02:40 AM
I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. I'm really unsure if it's advice I want or if it's just to hear the stories of others so I know I'm not alone. I pretty much feel like a whore after the things I've done in the past. The reason why it affects me the way it is, is because I go to a school where I'm the only female- it's an automotive school so it's male dominated. I made the stupid choice of having sex with three of the boys there, and I chose them very poorly because they each fucked me over.
Normally I wouldn't care and I didn't for a while. (This happened months ago). Til I started to care for someone who attends the school. Someone who isn't like the majority of assholes. A person I can call a real man. Now. I've been honest only about one of the people I've slept with but telling him about the other two is not an option at all. That is literally the only lie I am keeping and you have to understand it's for a good reason.
I'm afraid because there are rumors spreading around. And though I've heard a lot of false ones, the true ones are out and about and have gotten to his ear, but I told him it wasn't true. I'm terrified of it blowing up in my face to the point where I can't eat sometimes- or sleep. Which brought me here. I can't take it.
Not only do I feel dirty but I barely have true friends who I can go to this about and trust they won't judge me. The male I have feelings for really did help me figure out something about myself. That I don't love myself. & When he mentioned that I started to realize that I actually did have trouble with myself. I couldn't stand my own company and I'm thinking that's why I was so easy and let people take advantage. I wanted to feel wanted.
But I'm changing now and I've made a promise not to do the things I've done. My goal is to first learn to love myself and to think before I act. I just... I don't know. If you can read my story and maybe tell me yours or tell me something good I'd maybe get to be able to sleep.
I know this is long..... I'm very sorry... and thank you if you've read...
Normally I wouldn't care and I didn't for a while. (This happened months ago). Til I started to care for someone who attends the school. Someone who isn't like the majority of assholes. A person I can call a real man. Now. I've been honest only about one of the people I've slept with but telling him about the other two is not an option at all. That is literally the only lie I am keeping and you have to understand it's for a good reason.
I'm afraid because there are rumors spreading around. And though I've heard a lot of false ones, the true ones are out and about and have gotten to his ear, but I told him it wasn't true. I'm terrified of it blowing up in my face to the point where I can't eat sometimes- or sleep. Which brought me here. I can't take it.
Not only do I feel dirty but I barely have true friends who I can go to this about and trust they won't judge me. The male I have feelings for really did help me figure out something about myself. That I don't love myself. & When he mentioned that I started to realize that I actually did have trouble with myself. I couldn't stand my own company and I'm thinking that's why I was so easy and let people take advantage. I wanted to feel wanted.
But I'm changing now and I've made a promise not to do the things I've done. My goal is to first learn to love myself and to think before I act. I just... I don't know. If you can read my story and maybe tell me yours or tell me something good I'd maybe get to be able to sleep.
I know this is long..... I'm very sorry... and thank you if you've read...