Sometimes I feel like it's just me.

[xAlfredo]

I am depressed and lonely.
My online best friend tries to talk to me all the time, but I just don't feel like talking to her.
My other online companion that I've almost dated once already also tries to talk to me and we were kind of flirting a few nights ago when I was venting to him, but I just don't feel like talking back.
All of my other old online friends don't talk to me anymore.
When people do talk to me, it's when they need something.
I haven't been to school since last Friday. So, I've missed 6 days already. I hope I go back today, unless I fall asleep in the next 3 hrs because of being tired (all nighter here).
One thing that did turn my depression on and made me think about just ending it was my sexuality.. Most people besides my sister and vast majority of the online world don't know my sexuality. However, currently I'm gay. I was labeling myself bi for a few years, but I realized that I haven't had an attraction to a woman in over a year, and boobs/vaginas don't really excite me, so I guess I'm gay. Anyway, my parents being strict Roman Catholics, abolish that. Or even the slightest thought.
I remember I tried to tell my mom once that I was bi because she found out from my one sister and I kinda denied it and she said, "Good, because we would've had to send you to a counselor. Your dad would disown you!". My dad always talks about women, too, and I play along but I really wish I could just clear the air and stop having people pressure me into being something I'm not! I want to also be open at school about my sexuality, which wouldn't be hard if my one sister that doesn't know I'm gay went here with me, too. Maybe I should just tell her, and if she accepted it, maybe I wouldn't be as depressed. Her best friend is gay, so maybe she wouldn't care.

Sigh.
Maybe I should try to see the school therapist today at school.
Can anyone give me any advice? :/

[Maverick]

I am depressed and lonely.
My online best friend tries to talk to me all the time, but I just don't feel like talking to her.
My other online companion that I've almost dated once already also tries to talk to me and we were kind of flirting a few nights ago when I was venting to him, but I just don't feel like talking back.
All of my other old online friends don't talk to me anymore.
When people do talk to me, it's when they need something.
I have a few decent online friends that I stay in touch with and feel lucky to have met. That said, online friends aren't a complete substitute for real friends. Having only online friends only leads to lonliness and emptyness. You need to get involved in something at school and make friends.

I haven't been to school since last Friday. So, I've missed 6 days already. I hope I go back today, unless I fall asleep in the next 3 hrs because of being tired (all nighter here).
Isolating yourself by not going to school definitely will not help the lonliness.

Also, about your sexuality issues. I'm gay as well and when I was in my teens it used to really keep me down and honestly sometimes even today it might for a little while. If you're gay you can't help it and its not something that can be changed. If your parents have a problem with it they will learn to deal with it in time. You don't have to come out right away or even for years to come if you aren't ready. Just try to cope with it the best you can and try not to think about it too much. Its not the end of the world as you might think. You will be fine and you need to believe that.

Concentrate back on going to school and going out on whim to get invovled in something so you can be more socialable. People aren't scary and you don't need to be afraid of them.

[norcaldude18]

I agree with maverick. Online friends are not the same as real friends. Join a club or try out for sports. I'm sure you will meet some great people doing either one of those.

[xAlfredo]

I have a few decent online friends that I stay in touch with and feel lucky to have met. That said, online friends aren't a complete substitute for real friends. Having only online friends only leads to lonliness and emptyness. You need to get involved in something at school and make friends.


Isolating yourself by not going to school definitely will not help the lonliness.

Also, about your sexuality issues. I'm gay as well and when I was in my teens it used to really keep me down and honestly sometimes even today it might for a little while. If you're gay you can't help it and its not something that can be changed. If your parents have a problem with it they will learn to deal with it in time. You don't have to come out right away or even for years to come if you aren't ready. Just try to cope with it the best you can and try not to think about it too much. Its not the end of the world as you might think. You will be fine and you need to believe that.

Concentrate back on going to school and going out on whim to get invovled in something so you can be more socialable. People aren't scary and you don't need to be afraid of them.

Thanks Ant.
I'm trying to get back into going to school. On Tuesday, I went to the school psychiatrist and talked about my problem. It helped. On Wednesday, I also went to the VP to tell them the name of 2 people who would randomly, when they randomly felt like it to pleasure them self, would call me a faggot or something along those lines. One of the reasons I was isolating myself was because of people randomly calling me out like that. After people calling me names like that for years, since the beginning of middle school, it's been hard to cope.. Every year of school, I miss over 30 days. It's got to the point where I don't want to go at all now, so I had to do something about it.. I couldn't let those bullies win and take away my education.

I agree 100% with you, though, about isolating myself.. I do have real friends at school that when I'm with, don't make me so lonely anymore. However, school is the only place I socialize, besides at home on my computer. =/

Thank you for the response tho, Ant. It helped.

I agree with maverick. Online friends are not the same as real friends. Join a club or try out for sports. I'm sure you will meet some great people doing either one of those.

I'll try to see if there's anything I can get involved in, but I think it's too late in the year. Could only hope for the summer/next year..