Lovelife090994
March 16th, 2013, 11:03 PM
Broken Puzzle of Me: Family, Hurt, and Faith
I really don’t want to talk about it much but my mom is mad that I am okay being. Home all day and being on the computer a lot. Plus she suspects I'm talking to a gay perverted male on Skype and is forcing me to go to church tomorrow and when I tell her how I feel she rebukes it as a demon and tells me to pray and stop masturbating since she knows I do in secret. She doesn’t trust me and I'm a loner which worries her and not a ''good Christian" in her eyes. I want to run away but she's right I can’t even help myself!
I'm just at a loss, I don't even want to go to church anymore and I kind of don’t have sexuality. I am just confused and pathetic really. I hope I can get around on my own I have to. And at this rate when I leave to college I want nothing to do with my family. And to my mom, bodily pleasures deemed wrong in the Bible are to be rebuked. She's an ordained minister but fails to get me and just brings up my flaws and it hurts but when I tell her she just says quit being so sensitive. I'm a gentle soul but a hurt one. So much going on, so much to come; I don’t even know if I'm Christian anymore. My mom says I can’t be if I don’t like church and tongues and things of the church that scares me. I am better off staying invisible me. I have no self-esteem.
Now I love my mother and value my faith but I am just so messed up, I feel as if I'm breaking and I have no one really to share this with.
I really don’t want to talk about it much but my mom is mad that I am okay being. Home all day and being on the computer a lot. Plus she suspects I'm talking to a gay perverted male on Skype and is forcing me to go to church tomorrow and when I tell her how I feel she rebukes it as a demon and tells me to pray and stop masturbating since she knows I do in secret. She doesn’t trust me and I'm a loner which worries her and not a ''good Christian" in her eyes. I want to run away but she's right I can’t even help myself!
I'm just at a loss, I don't even want to go to church anymore and I kind of don’t have sexuality. I am just confused and pathetic really. I hope I can get around on my own I have to. And at this rate when I leave to college I want nothing to do with my family. And to my mom, bodily pleasures deemed wrong in the Bible are to be rebuked. She's an ordained minister but fails to get me and just brings up my flaws and it hurts but when I tell her she just says quit being so sensitive. I'm a gentle soul but a hurt one. So much going on, so much to come; I don’t even know if I'm Christian anymore. My mom says I can’t be if I don’t like church and tongues and things of the church that scares me. I am better off staying invisible me. I have no self-esteem.
Now I love my mother and value my faith but I am just so messed up, I feel as if I'm breaking and I have no one really to share this with.