flashbacks of bullying

[crepesuzette]

when i was a little boy people used to tease me all the time. i took it awfully seirous that i eventually became depressed. yeah one guy said that i was gay; a girl told me that i was so poor that i could not afford one of those hollister sweaters. in fifth grade i had this super bitchy guy of a teacher who would mess around with kids more often than not. like one time i saw him touching a girl's hair and shoving a girl away with his ass. ewww that was the most disgusting thing to ever do but everybody had fun with him. i was going to report him but i didn't. plus, i didn't want to make a big deal out of it. i didn't want to make things much worse than it already was. but there was a reason why he hated me. i got into trouble and my mother wanted me to switch to another class because she has heard some really nasty stories about how this guy does not teach and all that bullshit. so then she went into the office several times to get a change but he wouldn't. i was also absent and some girls in that class caught me at the library playing games and that they wanted to snitch on me when they got back. but ah, fuck that shit. they didn't even bother and i didn't care if they did report me. so i started getting angrier all the time and i didn't get along with most of the kids. most of them found me annoying but ah, i hated them. i never really liked them. i didn't want to be in that class. so many of them did not have my personalities and all that. though i cuss, i'm not that bad. i'm just impatient, ungrateful, bitter at times, and a little resentful. i just had to go through a really bad year with those damn kids. i didn't like them at all. i hated them. i can't tell you how much i hated htem. that teacher made me cry on numerous occasions. everybody else looked down upon me and even when i cried, he did not give a shit. he is now a principal of some school and i'm upset because he's now a successful man as a principal while i'm still here dwelling on what he did. while i was in his class, some girls broke my glass and they got charged for it and he said that he did not believe any of them were capable of destroying such a thing. i was upset. i cried many times and i can't tell you how painful it was until finally i got with a therapist and spoke to her about it but still she was not that helpful. i talked to my current teacher and some counselor at my school and now i feel kind of like this whole negative energy has evaporated. but whenever i get into arguments with someone, i find myself thinking about hte past again and again and i would mutter all those hateful words like these men are cruel to me and i hate them with a passion.
my sixth grade year was much worse. i dealt with people who were super racist and they even talked crap about me behind my back. one day people were nice to me, the next day they felt sorry for me, and tehn the next they felt like picking on me and treating me like dirt. the teacher--a caucasian--nothing racial intended, but he was a real jerk to me. he sent me down to the dean's many times and had me censured for my inappropriate behavior. he even asked me if i wanted to leave class because he just probably didn't want me there. so from that moment on, i saw white people in a negative light. i even started hating myself, saying i wish i was never part of this culture. we have been persecuted for so many reasons and obviously we must have done something to deserve this. whenever i saw a white guy passing by, i just glared at him when he walked in and out. my own race did not respect me either and for years i thought to myself if there was ever a war between you and another, don't expect me to help. i will not be there. i will be heartless. but i never became heartless and finally altered my perspective about whites and asians as soon as i started to see changes in many of their behaviors. sorry guys, i know most of you aren't like that, but it's hard especially when i have gone through so much and have not had anyone to confide in. i sitll feel that way sometimes. when i'm angry i get drifted back to those moments where i feel like i've been mistreated, discriminated, and made inferior. i'm sorry if most of you are offended by my comments, but i just had to get all this shit out.
in seventh grade, things improved but it wasn't all that great. some guy loved to attack me for being gay. he thinks that only gay guys wear gray hoodies. that's so offensive. so he held onto me and then let go, causing me to rip my pants in the process and it was quite embarrassing. some people laughed and that made me self conscious. i told my parents and my counselor but my counselor did nothing. i felt like she kind of used me and then she probably felt bad so she treated me a bit better. and then before i graduated from junior high she said for me to say goodbye to her before i left. but i never got a chance to say goodbye because my mother was pulling me over to snap a picture of me with my certificate. i was so glad to finally have gotten out of that school and then i moved which made me really sad because i had to leave some good friends behind but now i've gotten over it and i feel like there's better people everywhere but that low-rated, racist, drug-infested school. i heard from several years back that they had been doing drugs, but screw that. it's not relevant to me anymore. i'm finally ready to move on with my life and now i'm better off. i don't care if those guys still hate me, just as long as they don't do future damage to me anymore.