galacticlullaby
March 13th, 2013, 05:28 AM
My school counselor called my mom in yesterday for a meeting about the Conners CBRS I did early last month. The whole time before, my mom kept complaining "Oh I don't know why she's calling me in, what don't I know. You get nervous sometimes, big deal."
My results showed high t scores in emotional distress, physical symptoms, social phobia, separation anxiety, OCD, and a major depressive episode. That's the big deal.
But as per usual, my mom didn't get that. After the very awkward meeting, of which my mom lied to my counselor during (about bullying), she searched my room and took away all of my blades, took off my door, and basically went pretty crazy. And then my dad came home. That's when things got worse, even though I didn't think that was possible.
Her and dad started going over the papers and saying how untrue it was and how unreliable because that's "not me". ADHD was also elevated, but I explained to them why. It's not because I have it, I show signs of it because I can't focus ever. As an example, it took me a good amount of minutes longer to write this than it should have because throughout typing my thoughts kept wandering. I can't focus enough to listen in class, to read a book. But it all stemmed the same time the major depressive episode did.
So anyway, they were talking and making up excuses about everything and saying how the only thing that was any bit true might be the separation anxiety, and how that was their fault. Then they ruled that out because I applied to a short summer camp this year. One that I'm pretty sure I won't be accepted to because I'm too young. But I applied because it looks great on a university resume. Not because I don't mind being separated from my parents. Apparently my fears aren't valid if I still have a bit of a drive to do things away from them, despite the fact that I can't even sleep at my very close friend's house because I cry all night and have a panic attack, and the fact that my mom had to be put on day shift for her job because I can't handle her leaving at night.
Their excuses ranged everywhere between "that's just bullying" to "she's getting normal everyday worries mixed up with an anxiety disorder". So does everybody think irrational thoughts that overpower them so they can't do simple things, like take the bus to school or leave the washroom in the morning or even walk up the hallway by themselves? No, I see people doing these simple tasks everyday.
The counselor recommended I see a doctor and then start counselling again (I went three years ago because of self harm) because I'm in a really bad boat, for lack of better words. There's not a day that passes that I want to get up out of bed, or a day that I actually feel like I don't want to die. But all my parents see is an attention seeking child who has everything she ever wanted. They think I faked the results because I was able to explain the ADHD thing (which the explanation is actually on one of the pages), which I didn't, I was actually honest for once, and so they're only taking me to the doctor to prove that the CBRS was wrong and I'm really a normal functioning teenager. And of course, this doctor has to be my mom's friend. Which in my opinion is a bit biased. But even that taken in account, I know I have a problem and I know he's going to acknowledge that. I'm just scared of what my parents are going to do when they realize all of this is actually true.
Right now, I just want out.
My results showed high t scores in emotional distress, physical symptoms, social phobia, separation anxiety, OCD, and a major depressive episode. That's the big deal.
But as per usual, my mom didn't get that. After the very awkward meeting, of which my mom lied to my counselor during (about bullying), she searched my room and took away all of my blades, took off my door, and basically went pretty crazy. And then my dad came home. That's when things got worse, even though I didn't think that was possible.
Her and dad started going over the papers and saying how untrue it was and how unreliable because that's "not me". ADHD was also elevated, but I explained to them why. It's not because I have it, I show signs of it because I can't focus ever. As an example, it took me a good amount of minutes longer to write this than it should have because throughout typing my thoughts kept wandering. I can't focus enough to listen in class, to read a book. But it all stemmed the same time the major depressive episode did.
So anyway, they were talking and making up excuses about everything and saying how the only thing that was any bit true might be the separation anxiety, and how that was their fault. Then they ruled that out because I applied to a short summer camp this year. One that I'm pretty sure I won't be accepted to because I'm too young. But I applied because it looks great on a university resume. Not because I don't mind being separated from my parents. Apparently my fears aren't valid if I still have a bit of a drive to do things away from them, despite the fact that I can't even sleep at my very close friend's house because I cry all night and have a panic attack, and the fact that my mom had to be put on day shift for her job because I can't handle her leaving at night.
Their excuses ranged everywhere between "that's just bullying" to "she's getting normal everyday worries mixed up with an anxiety disorder". So does everybody think irrational thoughts that overpower them so they can't do simple things, like take the bus to school or leave the washroom in the morning or even walk up the hallway by themselves? No, I see people doing these simple tasks everyday.
The counselor recommended I see a doctor and then start counselling again (I went three years ago because of self harm) because I'm in a really bad boat, for lack of better words. There's not a day that passes that I want to get up out of bed, or a day that I actually feel like I don't want to die. But all my parents see is an attention seeking child who has everything she ever wanted. They think I faked the results because I was able to explain the ADHD thing (which the explanation is actually on one of the pages), which I didn't, I was actually honest for once, and so they're only taking me to the doctor to prove that the CBRS was wrong and I'm really a normal functioning teenager. And of course, this doctor has to be my mom's friend. Which in my opinion is a bit biased. But even that taken in account, I know I have a problem and I know he's going to acknowledge that. I'm just scared of what my parents are going to do when they realize all of this is actually true.
Right now, I just want out.