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Dawn01
March 11th, 2013, 11:04 PM
Ok, there's this guy and I do love him as a friend... But it's driving me mad how our relationship is seems to be becoming a friends with benefits kind of relationship!

We talk on the phone almost everyday, and I've met his mother and his siblings (he has a five year old sister who liked me a lot!). We could spend hours talking and we would never get bored, and we talk about almost everything (and by everything I mean his ex girlfriends, my ex lovers...). I'm sorta head over heels for him, but it's just hard to admit :wub: We had a lot of problems in the past, involving other friends and... eeerr... Once I kinda stole a kiss from him he kissed be back, but them he said that he was with another girl and it was a big confusion :/ But them, after giving him some time, we started talking again and we are really close right now, we hang out once a week :D

The problem is that even though I like having his friendship with him, I also can't deny that I want more, and I'm kinda afraid after all the trouble we went through. In the last time we saw each other (Sunday), he said that he was going out with a girl, but he said that he is not in love with her and and that he just not very into dating her now, you know, they just hang out sometimes, kiss and have fun, nothing serious. I got somewhat upset when he told me this, because I wanted to be in that girls place and the ideia of other person kissing him just bothers me a lot :(

Also in the last time we saw each other, he said that he many people think he is gay because many girls would flirt with him but he would ignore them because they are "bitches". I don't know, does he think I am a "bitch"?! Because we spent the day cuddling in the bech, and he just let me hug him, lie my head on his shoulders, put my legs over his legs while he is sitting, grab his hand, put his fingers on my mouth (yeah, I'm wierd, I like biting other people fingers xD ) and many other attempts of flirting made by me without complaining nor trying to kiss me, I mean, he treated me normally and sometimes he would giggle in a shy way, I don't know. IN FACT, I WANTED MADLY TO KISS HIM, but I was afraid because of the last time and because the other girl thing (even though he said that maybe they are not doing that anymore, he doesn't know). I kinda tried to make him notice that I wanted to kiss him when my mother was almost arriving there to grab us, but he just did that giggle thing and said that we should look for my mother D:

I don't know if the problem is that he doesn't take my flirting attempts seriously and he just want me as friend, or if he thinks I'm a bitch and doesn't want to give me the chance to be something more than a friend with me, or if he actually likes me but is shy (HE IS VERY SHY). I just know that once I hugged him very closely and I could felt that he was getting really hard (!!!), and seems that he is hard almost everytime he is with me because he grabs his shirt and covers the genital area, and he spent most of time like this (?!), I don't know, it just... Amusing, and maybe it's a good signal. He says that I'm pretty and he told me that his mother thinks I'm just adorable (she kinda "ships" us, LOL!)

I don't know, should I try talking to him your do you think it's too risky? I'm afraid our friendship is still somewhat fragile :/ Should I tell him that I'd like to kiss him again and that I like him more than as friend? Should I be sincere with him and tell him that when he told me about the other girl thing, I got upset? Do you think he feels something for me or he is just enjoying our "with benefits" thing?

dontfiguremeout
March 12th, 2013, 08:16 AM
Okay, so first off, I just want to get this down before I forget. What I think he means by calling girls "bitch" is those girls are extremely rude and have no sense of good personalities at all. And all they want to do is have the physical aspect of love with him. And guys don't like that either! But obviously you're not like those girls, because he still loves hanging around with you and he lets you do that.

So I really think you should go after him! At least meet him half way, and see if he will do the same! I think it will turn out the way you want, because reading what you said, I'm pretty sure he likes you. I think the reason why he started dating other girls is he didn't know if you actually wanted to date or not. I don't think you brought it up to him, so therefore maybe he thought you didn't want to date, so he tried dating other girls. That's probably why he doesn't have the feelings for them, because they are not you, but he's only doing it because he's not sure if you want to date him.

So I think you should go after him! Just remember you have the mental part of the relationship too that's more important than the physical aspect. Because on here it seems like you're a little more into the physical aspect then the mental. But it should be more mental then physical because each person wants to feel loved for who they are as a person and not because of their body. But I think you guys will do great! You both seem to really get a long with each other. Good luck!

Dawn01
March 12th, 2013, 09:44 AM
Okay, so first off, I just want to get this down before I forget. What I think he means by calling girls "bitch" is those girls are extremely rude and have no sense of good personalities at all. And all they want to do is have the physical aspect of love with him. And guys don't like that either! But obviously you're not like those girls, because he still loves hanging around with you and he lets you do that.

So I really think you should go after him! At least meet him half way, and see if he will do the same! I think it will turn out the way you want, because reading what you said, I'm pretty sure he likes you. I think the reason why he started dating other girls is he didn't know if you actually wanted to date or not. I don't think you brought it up to him, so therefore maybe he thought you didn't want to date, so he tried dating other girls. That's probably why he doesn't have the feelings for them, because they are not you, but he's only doing it because he's not sure if you want to date him.

So I think you should go after him! Just remember you have the mental part of the relationship too that's more important than the physical aspect. Because on here it seems like you're a little more into the physical aspect then the mental. But it should be more mental then physical because each person wants to feel loved for who they are as a person and not because of their body. But I think you guys will do great! You both seem to really get a long with each other. Good luck!

I don't know, I'm afraid that think that I do that with every boy (which is not true, I don't even do that with my guy best friend!), and that's why I'm afraid he thinks I'm a bitch... Well, this is just me being insecure :lol:

I really don't know if he likes me because of our problems in the past, but since we are always talking to each other and always seeing each other, it really seems that I may have good chances! At least he likes me as a person ^^

It's just really hard to me to talk about this subject, so that's why I get so physical with him... I'm shy too and it's just easy for me to get physical. We talk about humans rights, gay marriage, religion, feminism, but we also talk about futile things, you know? In the last time we met I told him why I never had a boyfriend (because I was never desesperated to have one, because I know many stupid guys and because I found it hard to fall in love with someone), maybe he thinks that I want to be only friends with him or maybe that I'm confused about my feelings, like I'm saying "Oh, I'm the independent girl who nevers falls in love" while I flirt with him... I do agree with you: I need to make it clear for him!

Thanks for the good advice :D

drew6
March 12th, 2013, 04:21 PM
....

Dawn01
March 12th, 2013, 04:40 PM
He isn't waiting for you to make the first move. If he was interested in a relationship, he'd have done something or said something. So that's not great.



THIS ^

This is exactly what I think, seems that he not caring about having a date right now! I just keep wondering what would happen if I take a shot, if I talk to him about it, I shall try otherwise I won't know.

idk if talking to him right now is the thing to do. Maybe if we knew more.

1. What city do you live near? Just approximately. Seems like some places kids don't date as much as they just hook up. Maybe the better question are most kids in a relationship or is just hook ups?

2. Is he moody?
3. are you both in the same graduating class, ie both juniors for example?
4. Similar level of popularity and social status?



1. We are brazilian :P I don't know, the number of people that I know who hook up and who have a relationship is kinda equal.

2. HE IS VERY MOODY, and yeah, that's a problem :/

3. We both had finished high school and soon we are going to start college!

4. Yeah, kinda... We are both shy and quiet. The biggest difference is that he had 3 relationships in the past and I never had any (but it was my choice LOL)

drew6
March 12th, 2013, 05:30 PM
....

Dawn01
March 12th, 2013, 06:52 PM
Because you're about to start college, you might want to take a shot. Odds are you're going to go your separate ways if you don't. So I think you have less to lose than if you had another year or two of high school left or if you were in college already and this had been going on.

Odds are you're going to meet someone in college because it's just easier because there are so many people there.

Moody part disappoints me somewhat. On the plus side, he's honest with you by being moody in front of you. Only people that know me really, really well will ever see me in a bad mood. So I'm a big faker is what it comes down to. I give a false impression I guess. --> idk, maybe not faker, but I figure misery doens't love company and ... who wants to be around someone in a bad mood? Not me, probably not anyone.

So he does offer you a level of honesty with his moods that most guys won't and that goes to the good relationship you have with him.

IF he's a true friend and only wants to be friends, he'll be equally honest with you and flat out say he's not interested, but values you as a friend, so he won't just toss that away.

With hook ups and dating being about equal, that's something. It tells me that dating is an option. Here in atlanta, it's pretty much all hook ups and friends with benefits. Not bad or good, just is what it is. SO at least when YOU are looking to date and be his girl friend you're not coming out of nowhere. Where as here, people would be asking you why you'd even want to and why not leave your options open. I guess that was a check on my part to see if you were wanting something that goes against the norm, and you're not. so that's good.

Seriously, i'd ask him and because you say he's pretty moody, then you could either try to read his mood and wait for a good one, but that might mean he's in a good mood because of his current relationship. So, maybe the heck with moodiness. Sounds like he's a solid friend anyway and will get over it and if he doesn't, be glad you didn't end up dating a jerk.

SOmething that concerns me, for you, is that there isn't or won't be balance in the relationship because you're really into him and he (for now) seems only kinda interested in you. Seems like you should both be interested somewhat evenly at first, not like exactly or anything, but I'd hate to see you in a relationship where he can treat you as a door mat.

Is there any other guy you're somewhat interested in who is somewhat interested in you? Maybe look into that? idk, sometimes it seems like the person who cares the most or too much (if that's possible) ends up being treated like they are easily replacible.


So I'd ask him the next time he's in an even mood and you're talking about everyday stuff and if he pushes that topic aside, I'd call it quits on havin a dating relationship. And then I'd hope you go spend some time with other guys you're interested.

Now, it may be that your not meeting other guys cuz you have a thing for this guy, who isn't interested in you that way. Plus you'll probably end up meeting someone who will give you the relationship you want that you're not getting now.

Thank you so much for your advice!

Well, I will only find out if I talk to him, so I will take the risk no matter what :yes: I will do my best to save the friendship if he say he doesn't like me that way.

At least I'm about to meet new people on college ^^

drew6
March 12th, 2013, 09:53 PM
Thank you so much for your advice!

Well, I will only find out if I talk to him, so I will take the risk no matter what :yes: I will do my best to save the friendship if he say he doesn't like me that way.

At least I'm about to meet new people on college ^^

Awesome
Like your attitude.
I love meeting new people and college should treat you well in that area.

drew