One year ago yesterday; the break up of my ex-best friend

[JustinPCGamer]

Hello everyone. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I feel like I matured a lot though within the past day. Exactly one year ago from yesterday my ex best friend and I got into a huge argument. More of an explicit verbal fight. This whole past year I was in complete grief over it, even though I was in the right and he was in the wrong. I'll start off with I am of Jewish heritage and he is a Muslim. He continued to make fun of my religion for months. I never did a thing, but I told him it isn't funny. I found no humor in his Anti-Semiotic jokes. I never said anything about him being a Muslim. I remember one of the jokes he would say is "What is the difference between a pizza in the oven and a Jew in the oven? The pizza doesn't scream when it gets burned by the gas." <-- The jokes hurt and that one hurt the most out of all them.

He cracked a ton of jokes about Jews. I would tell him to stop and he just wouldn't listen to me. He also was and still is extremely homophobic. He would say how its wrong for two men to be together. In reply, I would say I am a straight male but homosexuals are human beings. I also would remind him that he is entitled to his opinion but he must be respectful. If they want to be with another man, that is their choice. They don't bother anyone, they make their own choice. I know I want to be with the opposite sex, but who am I to judge people who want to be with their own same sex? He would then denounce me and say that I was gay for sticking up to then. We couldn't have a civilized debate without him mocking me.

He also was and still is racist. When we would be talking about whatever, he would randomly interrupt and go "N*****." I don't like that word, I don't like it one bit. I would tell him to cut it and it would just make him do it more. Him and I were and still are complete opposites. I'm mature he is not at all. I also have to try harder than others in school to keep up my 86 average. I had severe academic struggles when I was a kid. I shared that with him because I trusted him, big mistake. He would just make fun of me and call me stupid.

So, I hit a breaking point during lunch on March 6th, 2012. He said another Jewish joke. It must have been the 15th Jewish joke that month. I cracked completely and said "Well, stupid terrorists knocked out the twin towers. I'm sorry that your father was behind all that." <-- I know that is nasty and is probably the most derogatory thing I have ever said to another person's face in my whole life so far. I really just lost it, something just went and exploded like a bomb and those two nasty sentences came out of my mouth. I saw him get up and leave. I figured he went to go and cry or something. I was so pissed, I didn't care. Before he left, he said we should fight after school. I said, "You can beat me up. I am not strong, but here is what I will say. Violence does not solve anything. I will not fight you." He called me a pussy, for being a pacifist.

The next period I had Earth Science. I was called down to the principal's office. He made up a fake story that I have been harassing him for the past school year. I'm just like what? I told the principal the truth, I told the principal exactly what I said, why I said it. The principal understood, and my ex-best friend was suspended from school for three days. Then there was a meeting set up with us and our parents. My mother and father told me he was in the wrong and has serious problems. That is completely true and I have to agree with it.

In the following months I was extremely hostile towards him. He was the only person I hated, and wanted dead. It got real bad in the summer where he would be on my mind. He really scarred me then. My wounds are still here but are almost done healing. He lives two blocks away from me. During the summer I made up a plan to murder him. I wanted him to be dead, I wrote everything down in a journal. Made sure there were no flaws and double checked everything. I then thought about it and realized there is a slight chance that I will get caught. If that happens my whole life will be ruined. I decided to cancel the murder plan because I was scared of the law. I burned the journal. Then the hostility went down. I no longer feel hostile towards him. I go to the Library every day during lunch to do school work. He comes occasionally and I just look at him in the distance. I think wow, I was involved with that kid. He really disgusts me.

Well, so I have been feeling better over the whole situation. Yesterday was definitely a hard day for me though. I feel like I need to speak to a counselor to express my feelings toward the whole situation. What do you guys think of my story and what should I do?

[Second Chance]

It seems like the guy was never your friend in the first place, and he seems an awful lot like Cartman from "South Park," and you seemed a lot like Kyle. It is amazing you were friends with the kid at all, and you made the right decision by going the other way.

Just don't look back and think about the guy, and plotting his murder or doing something bad to him will not solve anything which it seems you have realized. There is no sense in cutting off your own nose to get back at someone else, and I would move on with life.

Clearly, there must have been something special about the guy for you to have made this thread and to still be thinking about him. You might want to talk to a counselor if that would help put things in perspective. Especially since you had really strong hatred towards the guy it would be good for you to talk things out because it seems like you have not vented about this issue with anyone in real life. The most important thing you can do is move on and not think about the kid though it is understandable that you are still hurting. I think this guy was a douche, and at least you had the strength to say no more to him and not take the abuse anymore. Now you have to put him out of your mind and view him no different than any stranger walking down the street.

[JustinPCGamer]

It seems like the guy was never your friend in the first place, and he seems an awful lot like Cartman from "South Park," and you seemed a lot like Kyle. It is amazing you were friends with the kid at all, and you made the right decision by going the other way.

Just don't look back and think about the guy, and plotting his murder or doing something bad to him will not solve anything which it seems you have realized. There is no sense in cutting off your own nose to get back at someone else, and I would move on with life.

Clearly, there must have been something special about the guy for you to have made this thread and to still be thinking about him. You might want to talk to a counselor if that would help put things in perspective. Especially since you had really strong hatred towards the guy it would be good for you to talk things out because it seems like you have not vented about this issue with anyone in real life. The most important thing you can do is move on and not think about the kid though it is understandable that you are still hurting. I think this guy was a douche, and at least you had the strength to say no more to him and not take the abuse anymore. Now you have to put him out of your mind and view him no different than any stranger walking down the street.

Yes, thank you. It would be a good idea to talk to a counselor about it, but I don't want to waste anyone's time. I never spoke of this in real life. I told the principal what he needed to know, but I never discussed the whole story to another person.

[Second Chance]

Yes, thank you. It would be a good idea to talk to a counselor about it, but I don't want to waste anyone's time. I never spoke of this in real life. I told the principal what he needed to know, but I never discussed the whole story to another person.

The fact that this whole situation has affected you so much shows that it would be worth your time talking this out. You have nothing to loose by sharing your feelings, and my thinking is that if you talk things out you can put this guy behind you once and for all. I am not sure for how long you had known your former friend and how close you were, but my guess is that you two must have been pretty close for you to feel so strongly to put up your post. Talking things out is not a waste of anyone's time especially if you will use that opportunity to move forward.

I give you credit for not letting hate overcome you, and at least you never acted on your bad feelings. Talk things out so that you can do other things in life including finding new friends that bring out the best in you.

[JustinPCGamer]

The fact that this whole situation has affected you so much shows that it would be worth your time talking this out. You have nothing to loose by sharing your feelings, and my thinking is that if you talk things out you can put this guy behind you once and for all. I am not sure for how long you had known your former friend and how close you were, but my guess is that you two must have been pretty close for you to feel so strongly to put up your post. Talking things out is not a waste of anyone's time especially if you will use that opportunity to move forward.

I give you credit for not letting hate overcome you, and at least you never acted on your bad feelings. Talk things out so that you can do other things in life including finding new friends that bring out the best in you.

Thanks, Should I talk to my guidance counselor or the school social worker? I still feel like other people need to talk to them about more important things.

[Second Chance]

Thanks, Should I talk to my guidance counselor or the school social worker? I still feel like other people need to talk to them about more important things.

I would go to your school social worker because he/she has more training in emotional issues as opposed to guidance counselors who usually are for helping folks find out what they want to do in life and helping them find colleges.

I think your issue is enough to seek assistance especially since it has affected you so much. At this point you have to make yourself better, and since there are resources available to assist you, then it would be non-sensical to not to make use of them. Chances are once you talk things out, then you can finally put your ex-friend behind you.

My strong suggestion is not to bring up your homicidal feelings towards your ex-friend to the counselor because you don't want to end up on some watch list. Especially since Sandy Hook a lot of schools are uber sensitive about kids who have homicidal feelings. Other than that bring up all of your feelings to get them out of the way.

Finally, if you can, try to make other friends and get involved in other things such as school clubs so that you are not spending your free time thinking about this ex-friend. The fact of the matter is that you two will not become friends again, and you are best moving on with life avoiding places where he hangs out and making your own path in life. What has happened to you has happened to others, and I would not feel bad about it. Just talk things out so that the hate does not consume you and so that you can move on with life and share the positive parts of your personality with others who would truly appreciate you.

[JustinPCGamer]

I would go to your school social worker because he/she has more training in emotional issues as opposed to guidance counselors who usually are for helping folks find out what they want to do in life and helping them find colleges.

I think your issue is enough to seek assistance especially since it has affected you so much. At this point you have to make yourself better, and since there are resources available to assist you, then it would be non-sensical to not to make use of them. Chances are once you talk things out, then you can finally put your ex-friend behind you.

My strong suggestion is not to bring up your homicidal feelings towards your ex-friend to the counselor because you don't want to end up on some watch list. Especially since Sandy Hook a lot of schools are uber sensitive about kids who have homicidal feelings. Other than that bring up all of your feelings to get them out of the way.

Finally, if you can, try to make other friends and get involved in other things such as school clubs so that you are not spending your free time thinking about this ex-friend. The fact of the matter is that you two will not become friends again, and you are best moving on with life avoiding places where he hangs out and making your own path in life. What has happened to you has happened to others, and I would not feel bad about it. Just talk things out so that the hate does not consume you and so that you can move on with life and share the positive parts of your personality with others who would truly appreciate you.

Thank you. Definitely not, we will never be friends again. I am far from the perfect person, but in this situation I was the victim the whole time and he was in the wrong. I was not in the wrong, the only wrong thing I did was saying one insult back to him, that was when everything was building up inside of me. Another problem that I am having, is my parents think that it is all behind me. I don't want the social worker to contact my parents and then they will start to get upset. At the same time, I do want to talk to the social worker just to tell him/her how I have been feeling. I won't talk about the homicidal part, that was really when hate almost got full control over me. There are days when I think about how happy I am to be away from him. I also wonder sometimes, why didn't I get the hell away from him the first year of our friendship. How the friendship even started? We are opposites, I am mature, he isn't, he bullies people, I don't, he is a Muslim, I am a Jew, he is racist, I am not, and he is homophobic, I am not. We were friends for two years. I neglected to mention, last March the break up was affecting me so much that I was literally stealing beers from my father. Every night, I would have a beer just to cope with the issue. I originally thought that I was the one wrong. I would think, what did I do wrong and mourn over the lost friendship. I do often have flashbacks throughout the day and wonder what he is doing at that exact time. I broke the alcohol habit sometime in April of 2012. There was a good month though, of me drinking like crazy. My liver probably sustained a huge amount of damage from that. I remember I had pains in my liver area. This is long, but wouldn't it be hard to get the social worker's attention? I mean he/she probably has students every hour of the school day coming in to deal with their issues that must be worse than mine. Again, thank you everyone for the support and advice. It's much appreciated.

[Second Chance]

Thank you. Definitely not, we will never be friends again. I am far from the perfect person, but in this situation I was the victim the whole time and he was in the wrong. I was not in the wrong, the only wrong thing I did was saying one insult back to him, that was when everything was building up inside of me. Another problem that I am having, is my parents think that it is all behind me. I don't want the social worker to contact my parents and then they will start to get upset. At the same time, I do want to talk to the social worker just to tell him/her how I have been feeling. I won't talk about the homicidal part, that was really when hate almost got full control over me. There are days when I think about how happy I am to be away from him. I also wonder sometimes, why didn't I get the hell away from him the first year of our friendship. How the friendship even started? We are opposites, I am mature, he isn't, he bullies people, I don't, he is a Muslim, I am a Jew, he is racist, I am not, and he is homophobic, I am not. We were friends for two years. I neglected to mention, last March the break up was affecting me so much that I was literally stealing beers from my father. Every night, I would have a beer just to cope with the issue. I originally thought that I was the one wrong. I would think, what did I do wrong and mourn over the lost friendship. I do often have flashbacks throughout the day and wonder what he is doing at that exact time. I broke the alcohol habit sometime in April of 2012. There was a good month though, of me drinking like crazy. My liver probably sustained a huge amount of damage from that. I remember I had pains in my liver area. This is long, but wouldn't it be hard to get the social worker's attention? I mean he/she probably has students every hour of the school day coming in to deal with their issues that must be worse than mine. Again, thank you everyone for the support and advice. It's much appreciated.

It is beyond a reasonable doubt that the problem was with your ex-friend and not with you. At this point I would stop thinking about why you were friends with him and who was right or wrong because the facts already have been clearly established. Luckily, you were only friends with this person for two years, and at least you were not childhood friends that had a falling out after many years. If you constantly relive the problems, pain, and issues you had with this friend, then you are going to be stuck in a cycle of pain and sadness. It is finally time you put this guy behind you and not think about him and any mistakes you might have made being around him. This friend was a learning experience, and now you can move on.

The alcohol thing is concerning because whether it is for this problem or other problems you will no doubt have in your life you don't want to be turning to artificial substances for relief. The only way you can truly deal with problems is by talking out your issues and by being open and honest with other people with how you feel. Assuming you're a guy, then I know that it is hard to express emotions because we guys are socialized to be emotionless and to always be "strong." However, the situation with your ex-friend demonstrates that when you have problems no matter how small you need to talk them out otherwise you are going to get to the point where you are downing more beers than a drunk on St. Patrick's Day and going to be consumed by hate. There is no shame in talking things out, and it is up to you to build up an emotional support structure. If your family is cool, then you got to talk to your Dad and Mum or siblings or even uncles and aunts or cousins. Good grief, talk to someone if you are hurting and don't hold everything in otherwise you'll go nuts.

As for the counselor, short of your telling him/her that you are planning to go on a homicidal rampage or going to commit suicide, then you privacy will be respected. It is not like a counselor is going to report everything to your parents. If going to a counselor is not your thing, then find a trusted teacher, coach, or school administrator. However, I think the counselor thing is your best bet because you need to seriously talking things out with a professional. At this point you have to get over your feelings of taking up someone's time because you have issues that need the time to be worked out. I seriously doubt you enjoy feeling bad, and if you want to make a positive change, then make your way over to the counselor's office. You have nothing to loose other than your bad feelings and a lot to gain especially with your feeling better.

Finally, if you can, then definitely build up a new network of friends so that you are not reliant on just one or two or are in a position where one friend can do as much damage as the jerk who hurt you.

I don't mean to sound rude by asking this at all, but did you like your ex-friend as more than a friend? If you did, then I can totally understand why you feel so strongly about the way you were treated because especially if you liked him more than a friend, then what he did to you can hurt even more than simple words due to the emotional connection.

[JustinPCGamer]

It is beyond a reasonable doubt that the problem was with your ex-friend and not with you. At this point I would stop thinking about why you were friends with him and who was right or wrong because the facts already have been clearly established. Luckily, you were only friends with this person for two years, and at least you were not childhood friends that had a falling out after many years. If you constantly relive the problems, pain, and issues you had with this friend, then you are going to be stuck in a cycle of pain and sadness. It is finally time you put this guy behind you and not think about him and any mistakes you might have made being around him. This friend was a learning experience, and now you can move on.

The alcohol thing is concerning because whether it is for this problem or other problems you will no doubt have in your life you don't want to be turning to artificial substances for relief. The only way you can truly deal with problems is by talking out your issues and by being open and honest with other people with how you feel. Assuming you're a guy, then I know that it is hard to express emotions because we guys are socialized to be emotionless and to always be "strong." However, the situation with your ex-friend demonstrates that when you have problems no matter how small you need to talk them out otherwise you are going to get to the point where you are downing more beers than a drunk on St. Patrick's Day and going to be consumed by hate. There is no shame in talking things out, and it is up to you to build up an emotional support structure. If your family is cool, then you got to talk to your Dad and Mum or siblings or even uncles and aunts or cousins. Good grief, talk to someone if you are hurting and don't hold everything in otherwise you'll go nuts.

As for the counselor, short of your telling him/her that you are planning to go on a homicidal rampage or going to commit suicide, then you privacy will be respected. It is not like a counselor is going to report everything to your parents. If going to a counselor is not your thing, then find a trusted teacher, coach, or school administrator. However, I think the counselor thing is your best bet because you need to seriously talking things out with a professional. At this point you have to get over your feelings of taking up someone's time because you have issues that need the time to be worked out. I seriously doubt you enjoy feeling bad, and if you want to make a positive change, then make your way over to the counselor's office. You have nothing to loose other than your bad feelings and a lot to gain especially with your feeling better.

Finally, if you can, then definitely build up a new network of friends so that you are not reliant on just one or two or are in a position where one friend can do as much damage as the jerk who hurt you.

I don't mean to sound rude by asking this at all, but did you like your ex-friend as more than a friend? If you did, then I can totally understand why you feel so strongly about the way you were treated because especially if you liked him more than a friend, then what he did to you can hurt even more than simple words due to the emotional connection.


Thanks for all of that. I've been busy the past few days, sorry. A huge problem is, I see him in the library every single day 6th period. I have lunch during sixth period. I don't bother to go to the lunch room since I don't have any friends in my grade. They are extremely immature, I don't bother with my peers at all. I go straight to the library to get my school work done and look over notes. Last school year, he would go in the lunch room and call me anorexic for not eating. I'm not anorexic, I just focus on school completely. He's a hypocrite since he goes to the library this school year to get work done. I think it's safe to assume that he also has lunch 6th period. Anyways, he goes to one end of the library and I go to the other to avoid him. I feel like he purposely goes to the library to make me go to the opposite end of the library. He constantly looks at me while I go the other way.

In the halls when we pass one another, he turns his head away from me. Also, I'm not gay. Quite far from it to be honest, but I support gay rights completely. You're advice is really good, thanks again. I appreciate you taking your time and reading my entire thread. That means a lot to me and if you need help with anything, feel free to ask me. I definitely owe you one. I just don't want to see him in the library because it reminds me of all the emotional wounds he gave me. Plus, my emotional wounds only healed to scars. They aren't gone completely. Thanks again and have a nice day.

[Second Chance]

Thanks for all of that. I've been busy the past few days, sorry. A huge problem is, I see him in the library every single day 6th period. I have lunch during sixth period. I don't bother to go to the lunch room since I don't have any friends in my grade. They are extremely immature, I don't bother with my peers at all. I go straight to the library to get my school work done and look over notes. Last school year, he would go in the lunch room and call me anorexic for not eating. I'm not anorexic, I just focus on school completely. He's a hypocrite since he goes to the library this school year to get work done. I think it's safe to assume that he also has lunch 6th period. Anyways, he goes to one end of the library and I go to the other to avoid him. I feel like he purposely goes to the library to make me go to the opposite end of the library. He constantly looks at me while I go the other way.

In the halls when we pass one another, he turns his head away from me. Also, I'm not gay. Quite far from it to be honest, but I support gay rights completely. You're advice is really good, thanks again. I appreciate you taking your time and reading my entire thread. That means a lot to me and if you need help with anything, feel free to ask me. I definitely owe you one. I just don't want to see him in the library because it reminds me of all the emotional wounds he gave me. Plus, my emotional wounds only healed to scars. They aren't gone completely. Thanks again and have a nice day.

Not meaning to beat this horse dead, but if this guy hangs out in the library and seeing him puts you in a bad mood or makes you feel awkward, then go somewhere else to do your homework. If there is an open table in the lunchroom, then your best bet is to do your homework there rather than going to the library. If going to the library is where you must go, then don't make eye contact with this guy let alone think of him. If push comes to shove, mess with his mind and simply say hello to him and leave it at that. However, my strong suggestion is to go somewhere else and do your homework and avoid the library when he is there.

If you have something like OCD or are just really affected by this fellow it is all the more important that you don't go to places where he is. Seeing him will only pull you down, and you cannot put yourself in that position. If you can, then try to make other friends through clubs, organizations, etc. You have to get around positive people who bring out the best in you rather than letting this one guy define who you are in a negative way.

This ex-friend is messing with your mind which is why you cannot fall into his trap. You now need to make your own way and life, and the only way that is going to happen is by putting him in the past and to start making new friends that will pull you into the present and future.

[JustinPCGamer]

Not meaning to beat this horse dead, but if this guy hangs out in the library and seeing him puts you in a bad mood or makes you feel awkward, then go somewhere else to do your homework. If there is an open table in the lunchroom, then your best bet is to do your homework there rather than going to the library. If going to the library is where you must go, then don't make eye contact with this guy let alone think of him. If push comes to shove, mess with his mind and simply say hello to him and leave it at that. However, my strong suggestion is to go somewhere else and do your homework and avoid the library when he is there.

If you have something like OCD or are just really affected by this fellow it is all the more important that you don't go to places where he is. Seeing him will only pull you down, and you cannot put yourself in that position. If you can, then try to make other friends through clubs, organizations, etc. You have to get around positive people who bring out the best in you rather than letting this one guy define who you are in a negative way.

This ex-friend is messing with your mind which is why you cannot fall into his trap. You now need to make your own way and life, and the only way that is going to happen is by putting him in the past and to start making new friends that will pull you into the present and future.

Alright, thanks for everything. Have a nice day.