Scared of Myself

[Spook]

This past week I've had a C in Algebra, i rose it to a B. My parents were angry. It's spiraled over several years. They say I never do anything when I ask them to. Which I don't. There's alot more to it, but my head is a whirlwind. So my dad said i can't dance in my recital in may. Dance is the only thing that keeps me alive. It's gone. And somewhere between the scenes my head played a scene of me killing him...my own father. And I picked up a knife, walked to my room, held it to my wrist. And I almost did it, pierced the knife through my skin creating a red tornado. but he came up wondering what i was doing, screaming he was going to beat me up. I held the knife for a while, for self defense. But I hid it and ran downstairs. i wonder what he would think if he found me drowning in my own blood. he'd probably regret everything. but i'm too much of a scaredy cat. if i failed id get put in a mental hospital like my parents do to my siblings. Now I feel like chopping all my hair off and running away from home. I'm so scared of myself.

[Jinxxy]

Wow, you sound like you're in quite a dangerous position...
Does anybody else other than yourself and your parents know about what is happening to you at home?

If not, you need to talk to somebody. Maybe a teacher you trust at your school? The school counsellor? Or even just your best friend?

What I do know for a fact is that what your parents are doing to you is emotional abuse - threatening and putting you in a situation where you're endangering not only your life, but the lives of other's, too.

What do they do to your siblings? And how old are they all because you may have to call a professional/social services in to keep you all safe.

I hope I can help, I too have been through abuse at the hands of my mother, so I know what it feels like.

[Shadow]

You need help. You need to tell someone about what is happening at home. It's not easy admitting that you need help but but once your ready to admit that you need help it is easy to get help. Open up to someone you trust. If you need me I'm just a post away say the word and I will come running.

[rocketsheep]

fffff