I'm scared

[Stryker125]

I never thought I'd be coming here for puberty advice, but there's a first time for everything.

So I have a little cousin who's basically the closest thing I have to a little brother. Tonight his mom told me that while she was changing his clothes she noticed that he's started growing pubic hair. She also said that he's starting to notice girls and stuff. She's a little scared because he's only 8 years old and she isn't really ready for all this. She says he's been asking when they'll have "the talk", but she would much rather he hear it from a guy. She isn't with his father anymore, and while he is around, he's not really in the picture. Long story short, she wants me to have the talk with him because he'll relate to me and take it better from me since I'm a guy and he looks up to me a bit.

I kind of knew I'd have to have that conversation with him, but I wasn't expecting him to start puberty until at least a few years from now. My question is when is the right time to have that talk with him? Should I wait for him to bring it up to me, or should I just sit him down and get it over with (which I'd rather not do, I want him to be comfortable enough and trust me to come to me on his own with this kind of stuff)? I'm no stranger to the whole puberty advice thing, but giving advice to curious and confused 13-15 year olds on the internet is a lot less scary than doing it face to face with an 8-year-old. How do I start that conversation, and what should I cover? What do you wish your parents or brothers had said when they gave you the talk?

Thanks for reading all this by the way. I wasn't expecting this post to be so long.

[IAMWILL]

Wow, eight? Damn.

When it comes to the talk, I think you should let him bring it up with you. If you bring it up, he may not be ready to hear it or interested, and you want to make sure he is engaged in the conversation so that he doesn't need to hear it again. In terms of content, I think you should cover the basics of what puberty is and what happens in it (growth, mood swings, etc) but don't talk about same sex attraction or the other kind of weird things guys go through. If he asks about masturbation, I think you should let him know its okay, but I don't think you should bring it up unless he asks. If you need to explain to him sex, just do it in as non explicit way as possible. Honestly, its good that he knows, but you don't want an eight year old running around telling all his friends about sensitive stuff like this. I think it will go a bit smoother than you imagine though.

[lorddia]

Wow, eight? Damn.

When it comes to the talk, I think you should let him bring it up with you. If you bring it up, he may not be ready to hear it or interested, and you want to make sure he is engaged in the conversation so that he doesn't need to hear it again. In terms of content, I think you should cover the basics of what puberty is and what happens in it (growth, mood swings, etc) but don't talk about same sex attraction or the other kind of weird things guys go through. If he asks about masturbation, I think you should let him know its okay, but I don't think you should bring it up unless he asks. If you need to explain to him sex, just do it in as non explicit way as possible. Honestly, its good that he knows, but you don't want an eight year old running around telling all his friends about sensitive stuff like this. I think it will go a bit smoother than you imagine though.

i agree with him but i think there is no way in hell that you are explaining sex to an 8 year old .its just worng. just tell him about the essential basics not a word more or he will be even more scared and confused!

[connor156]

good luck man haha

[Abyssal Echo]

My Father gave me "the talk" when I was about 8 1/2. I have to agree with Will just cover the basics.

[Stuey1]

start talking about xbox then say you will be as good as me when your older lots of other will happen as well (he says what you tell him)....

[Second Chance]

If you feel totally uncomfortable talking with your cousin about puberty, then I would not do so period. You definitely are not obligated to do anything you do not feel comfortable doing.

People are starting puberty earlier and earlier nowadays, but it is pretty unusual that your cousin is actually growing pubes and is getting sexual interests that young. Do you think that he might have some sort of health issue going on? I know with some kids who start puberty abnormally early that doctors give them medication to stop puberty until they reach the age when most folks start.

If this kid is like a little brother to you, then it is probably best that you do talk to him about puberty in an age appropriate way. You do not have to go into extreme detail about sex and stuff like that. Just tell him why he is getting hair down there and to expect some physical changes and that he will probably ending up looking more like you. It is tough that he is starting puberty so early, but it is best that he finds out his information from you rather than some random person. Especially with this kid probably being the only one going through puberty in his class more than anything he is going to need support from someone responsible. I would work with your aunt to come up with a plan on how to talk to your cousin so that everything is age appropriate. I suppose you can even go onto parenting websites for advice on how to talk to a pre-teen about sex. Especially if this kid is starting to notice girls don't assume he is clueless about sexuality, and it is best that you guide him now rather than have someone who is irresponsible with his body later on.

[Leon03]

It's really hard for me to give advice as I did not get 'the talk' from my parents like a one time event.
Whenever there was anything unclear my dad (and sometimes my mom) made things clear and I was ok til the next one. So I got the talk in tiny little pieces.
Maybe that's already my advice. Don't give him 'the talk' but show him you are all good with questions he might have and don't flinch if he asked.

[Ryhanna]

My Father gave me "the talk" when I was about 8 1/2. I have to agree with Will just cover the basics.

What did he tell you, at that age? It might help the OP out if you can remember.

I'd just tell him about puberty, and the changes he's going to go through. Maybe explain that he'll become more interested in girls, but I think 8 is too young to discuss sex.

[Stryker125]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I think I'm just going to wait for him to bring it up, and just be chill about it. I like the idea of it not just being one big talk and just answering whatever questions he asks. I'll just cover the basics, and let him lead the conversation and let him know he can talk to me whenever he needs, that way I don't have to explain sex and curiosity and all that stuff until he really feels like he's ready.

Thanks again for the replies!

[JAT14]

Wow, eight? Damn.

When it comes to the talk, I think you should let him bring it up with you. If you bring it up, he may not be ready to hear it or interested, and you want to make sure he is engaged in the conversation so that he doesn't need to hear it again. In terms of content, I think you should cover the basics of what puberty is and what happens in it (growth, mood swings, etc) but don't talk about same sex attraction or the other kind of weird things guys go through. If he asks about masturbation, I think you should let him know its okay, but I don't think you should bring it up unless he asks. If you need to explain to him sex, just do it in as non explicit way as possible. Honestly, its good that he knows, but you don't want an eight year old running around telling all his friends about sensitive stuff like this. I think it will go a bit smoother than you imagine though.

I agree with him wait for him to bring it up

[spl23456]

I would just like to tell you from the other perspective. I am a younger sibling whose dad was not involved by the time i started puberty, so I have gotten some talks from my brother. Though he may physically be maturing at 8, i doubt he is mentally mature enough. I appreciate now what my brother did, since i am 15, but the first time he tried when i was younger was just awkward and uncomfortable.

I can't tell you that it will all be ok. Honestly, i think if you have this much hesitation you shouldn't talk with him at all since sending him the wrong message, or him interpreting something wrong could really negatively affect his development. Better safe than sorry for your case. But that is not a bad thing, his mom is expecting something from you that is frankly unreasonable at the time. You should still be proud of yourself. Does he have any other relative that could help him? And how does the mom know for sure what she saw in his clothes?

[Throwaway24]

My parents never gave me the talk and i'm the oldest. Relax though once u get into the topic and break the ice the rest is really easy. Just start off by saying the body changes and its really funny. Ur voice goes squeak and girls start to talk to u. Just go on from there and go with ur gut. If ur really close it makes it even easier

[Harley Quinn]

Don't bump old threads. :locked: