Wrong outlook.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I'm not thinking straight I guess. I'm starting to get the wrong outlook on self harm. Getting back into the mentality of "Just one cut, it wont hurt, it'll make everything better again, it'll make me happy again" etc. I don't know what's happening, I know I shouldn't be going down this road again, I know I'm starting to go back down the path of self destruction... But for once, I don't care. I just want to be happy again. It's scaring me.

If I start again, I wont have to fight the urges, I can give in and be happy.

I don't know where this 'change of heart' is coming from but I don't like it and I have no idea how to change it back.

[xarvon1412]

I know how you feel, but you're right that's not a good mentality. I'm sorry that you're feeling like that, but you have to look at the positives of not cutting. You have to say to yourself, sure it'll get me happy for awhile, but how will it affect me later on in life? Sure cutting will make me happy now, but it will cause Hell for me later. Look at the positives of not cutting.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I know how you feel, but you're right that's not a good mentality. I'm sorry that you're feeling like that, but you have to look at the positives of not cutting. You have to say to yourself, sure it'll get me happy for awhile, but how will it affect me later on in life? Sure cutting will make me happy now, but it will cause Hell for me later. Look at the positives of not cutting.

I've been here before though... Not quite as bad, but here nonetheless. I need it. I actually, full on need it. At least 2 and a half years I've been trying to stop quitting and also relapsing. I feel like I've gone 2 steps forwards and about 50 steps backwards. I can't do it. I'm not just letting myself down but everyone else around me. At least if I'm trying not to quite then expectations wont be as high? I don't care about the future, what's the point? Every single plan that I've made has gone down the drain. I can't get any full qualifications, so that means no decent job and I'll be stuck as a Customer Assistant for the rest of my life. I really don't caare what the future holds. You only live once and all that. I know I'm destroying my life... And it scares me, it scares the shit out of me but what can I do? I'm not strong enough to fight it, so why not let it win? I stopped being able to look at the positives ages ago.