Anxiety or Suicide?

[Fiction]

When I was younger I had a lot of issues with about a million phobias that confined me to the house and kept me awake most nights. As I got older I grew out of them and my anxiety became depression. I became very suicidal and had no regard for my life at all. Suicide felt like I always had a way out. Just thinking about it, I suppose was reassuring, and when I attempted myself the fact that I knew I could do it too, and manage it the next time as log as I avoided the hospital was so reassuring. It was just there.

Now the last year or so I've been on a slow but definite up. I'm not suicidal anymore but the thing is my anxieties seem to be coming back. I've just laid in bed and cried because I'm convinced the plane I'm going on in July is going to crash, and I had a nightmare about it last night.

I've always got nervous at everything but I can't rationalise it in my head anymore knowing I wouldn't actually care if I died, because I have too much to live for now.

Idk what do I do? Why does it have to be one or the other? :(

[dontfiguremeout]

Hmmm, I think because of your past, you still have some anxiety and maybe a lot of stress. I think you should, if you haven't already, look into doing something very artistic like poetry, writing, drawing, dancing, ect. to keep your mind off stress and anxiety and actually let your imagination run wild! Doing that you can take everything in your mind, and kinda throw it away out of your mind artistically. I know that helps me a lot when I'm kinda depressed. And your dreams from what I heard of are kinda of your thoughts, and so I think you've been worrying about the plane that you dreamt of that nightmare. Like I said, if you take it out artistically, I don't think you'll be able to have those problems anymore.

Just remember that life may seem tough right now, but we are very young! We have our whole lives ahead of us! Think about your future and what you will do to get there, and let nothing ever stop you! You need to believe in yourself!
I know my help has been random thoughts everywhere, but I do hope you take in or think about some of the help I give you! Take care!