Never happy anymore

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

This is going to be a bit jumbled up so apologies.

Ok so this is about my mum and dad. My mum has always hated her job and for the past four years, has always moaned to us about it however me and my dad have been supportive. It got to about mid 2012 and she started being more and more vulgar toward my dad because money is short etc. My mum and dad (since about Xmas time) have non stop argued. Even though my dads work is picking up she still won't believe us. She has always moaned about every job she's had. She has quite the temper and I am basically scared to ask how her day at work was. It's got me to the point that I cry every night in bed because I don't want to be here. I am not suicidal or anything I just wish I could live somewhere else. She also does this thing where one minute she's really happy and the next she's horrible. I'm quite scared of her because she has a huge temper. She's never hit me or anything. I think they may split up soon because I don't know how much more my dad can take. She always tells him to get a new job but he's 48 and has no qualifications. I've tried chatting to her about it but it got solved for about 2 days then it went back to normal. I have got to the point where I go to revision in a lot of my lessons after school so I don't have to go home as early. I know a lot of you may be thinking I'm too soft or whatever but trust me you don't know her. I stay in my room on Xbox to get away from all of the tension and atmosphere around the house. Right as I am posting this they're arguing I just can't take it anymore. If you need more details please ask. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much! :)

[spl23456]

I do not think you are soft at all. You do not have to feel ashamed of the way it is affecting you, feelings are natural. Since this has become a problem that is interfering with your life maybe you could open up to an adult at school, like a social worker or counselor. Do you have any siblings? I had the same experience but i was much younger and had an older brother your age. My parents did split up and it has been much better since i live with the less tempered hurtful person my Mom. Maybe you could talk to your dad also since you said you already tried sharing your thoughts with your mom. I really feel for you and i hope you stay positive, it is not your fault that your parents are creating a hostile environment. In addition you should ask either your dad since he would be more calm about it, or an adult at school how you could start going to a therapist with your family. It won't be easy, but just be patient and things will get better. I wish you luck.

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

Thanks :) me and my dad have little talks every now and then. He has told me they've thought about splitting up since January. I have an older sister but she doesn't live near me :(. I just feel like it's bringing me down. My grades aren't where I want them to be because I cannot stop thinking about the things I am going to witness when I go back home. It's all getting too much and I really want to ask another family member if I can live with them. They haven't stopped arguing yet and it's getting too much. Thanks for your reply :).

[AbbaZabba]

First, I truly hate hearing stuff like this and truly have a hard time imagining it. Basically, I think you are doing the right thing. Remember, it is them fighting and not you, so stay out of it. If anything gets directed towards you, most likely it is their frustrations and not you. So the best thing to do is to stay out of the argument and go somewhere else in the house to get away from the fighting or arguing. So go to your room, as you are doing, close the door, find something else to do until it is over. It's not your job to be a referee. This is just my advice and not sure if it's right or wrong. I truly wish you the best.

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

Thank-you so much I will try and use this :)

[Second Chance]

I don't think your soft at all, and any of us would exactly be like you living in a situation where parents are mean to one another and one parent in particular is very harsh. Also, the thought of your family breaking up is super hard, and it is only natural that you go to sleep crying. It is a myth that guys should not cry or shouldn't have emotions because in the end of the day we're all human. I feel really bad for your situation.

I agree with the advice above that you shouldn't get in the middle of your parents' fights or act as a referee because things will turn ugly that way. It seems like your Father is the most rational of your parents, and I would talk to him whenever you can about your feelings. Also, if the fights at your house get super bad, then crash with a relative or friend if you can. I am not saying you should run away from problems, but the thing is that the problems are between your parents and don't involve you. There is no sense of you sticking around and hearing really bad things, and you should be in a place where you can focus on your schoolwork and where you can have peace. It is really hard to do stuff when you're walking on eggshells not knowing if your mum will go psycho on you for any reason.

I think your mum is a victim of the bad economy, and she is in a job she hates and sees no way out. She is basically taking out her frustrations on you guys because you all are easy targets. If anyone in your house needs counseling, then it's your mum because she has serious issues. Don't let your mum pull you down, and stay tight with your father and good relatives and friends. Talk your feelings out. Also, like they said above, talk to your school counselor if you are feeling really down so that you get your feelings out. Surround yourself with good friends, too, because that can make a huge difference.

[xmojox]

Having feelings and crying doesn't mean that you're soft. It only means that you're human. So don't add that to your list of worries. Can you call your sister for a talk? I think I'd try that. Or at least talk with some trusted family member, a grandparent or aunt or uncle maybe? Avoiding their fights is exactly the right thing to do. What'd be ideal would be to get you all into family counseling so your mum can see and come to understand how her behavior is affecting you. I truly wish you luck, and if you ever need someone to just vent to, send me a message and I'll listen.

[Danny Phantom]

You aren't too soft at all man. I'm in a similar boat. My mom and stepdad always argue. If I were you I would:
- try to get our more on the weekends (hang with friends, taking walks)
- have some alone time (whether it is outside, or xbox, something to help you get away from that situation)
- spend time after school working on HW. This may get home off of your mind for a bit, I stay after school and work with friends and then hang out. Then when I get home, I chat a bit, web surf and eat then sleep, as my work is already done.
- Forbid your parents split up. Go with the one who you are more comfortable with (your dad) or move with a really nice family member if you feel like the negativity is really getting to you.

Hope it all gets better :)

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

Thanks for the replies guys I truly truly appreciate it! :) Message me whenever I wanna try and help you with your problems like you helped me :)