What_ever
March 1st, 2013, 02:27 PM
I thought I'm over it. I guess not. I have been self-harming since I was ten. That's five or six years. That's a third of my life. I have no apparent reason for self-harming. My childhood was nice but my teenagehood is a living hell and that's basically because of me. I am a perfectionist. I think that I have to be perfect at everything because everything I have was given to me. I never had to try hard for anything. My parents are kind and loving and rich, they allow me almost everything and I think that the least I can do is make them proud of the daughter they have. The least I can do is try really hard for my grades and be at the top of my class. Well, it's just starting to take a tool on me. Whenever I get a B or a C in school, I cry. Whenever someone tells me: "You could do that better," I say to myself: "I really could. I'm such a looser." It's just making my life miserable!
There was a period of time, about a year, when I didn't self-harm ... like, at all. Then I started doing it again at 13. At 14, I started going to counseling. And now, a year and a half later, I stopped going to counseling. My counselor told me I was okay and she was wrong. I guess I shouldn't expect her to read my mind. I don't want to talk about it when my parents are around because I can just see that they hurt. And they ALWAYS want to be in the room when I'm with my counselor. They think they should know this stuff. I think they don't have to. I don't want to talk about it with them because I always start crying and I don't want them to see me cry. I hate what I'm doing to myself. I hate myself when I see cuts and scratches on my arms. I'm always telling myself: "It will get better. It's just this week, this week is really stressful." Well, then there's another stressful week, and another, and another and it just seems like a neverending battle with myself. I can't chill out and stop stressing about it. I'm very dissatisfied with my life. I'm wondering if it gets better. Can anyone with the same experiance tell me: do you ever stop stressing about those small and unimportant things in your life? Is this ever going to stop?
There was a period of time, about a year, when I didn't self-harm ... like, at all. Then I started doing it again at 13. At 14, I started going to counseling. And now, a year and a half later, I stopped going to counseling. My counselor told me I was okay and she was wrong. I guess I shouldn't expect her to read my mind. I don't want to talk about it when my parents are around because I can just see that they hurt. And they ALWAYS want to be in the room when I'm with my counselor. They think they should know this stuff. I think they don't have to. I don't want to talk about it with them because I always start crying and I don't want them to see me cry. I hate what I'm doing to myself. I hate myself when I see cuts and scratches on my arms. I'm always telling myself: "It will get better. It's just this week, this week is really stressful." Well, then there's another stressful week, and another, and another and it just seems like a neverending battle with myself. I can't chill out and stop stressing about it. I'm very dissatisfied with my life. I'm wondering if it gets better. Can anyone with the same experiance tell me: do you ever stop stressing about those small and unimportant things in your life? Is this ever going to stop?