social anxiety and low self esteem

[ssgliberty]

how do you deal with social anxeity and low self esteem? , i just wanna beable to go and scocialize with ppl and have a good time but around people im usally quiet dont talk alot and tend to avoid eye contact with anyone, i never really know what to say my mind just goes blank or i just get to nervous to do anything dont have alot of friends not even sure who my real friends are anymore never really stick up for myself get to scared and im sick of it i just get to scared to really do anything about it., does anyone know how to deal with this? i just wanna beable to feel more social and wanna beable to not second guess every little thing.

[Gwen]

I use to be somewhat similar but then I realized that other peoples opinion on me don't really matter. People either like or hate me, learned to not care. I used to have a n older account on VT and I made lots of friends here and learnt how to make friends in real life. Those worked for me though I can't guarantee that it'll affect you as much it did to me.

[ssgliberty]

its always easier to talk to someone by txt or online but in person or around more than a couple ppl i just freeze up , and then when you got ppl that make fun me or come looking for a fight when i should be sticking up for my self i just freeze up do nothing the only friends i do have i know through smoking weed thats how i became friends with almost all of my friends and i dont really know whos my friend for who i am , dropped out of highschool didnt like drama at school i suppose it doesnt really help that i live in a small town. what can i do to not freeze up not be afraid to socialize how to control it?

[Gwen]

Your a pickle of a situation, my advice would be to see your local councilor if you haven't already.

[ssgliberty]

ive been to counsolers before but not for this , but i dont really trust counsolers not to tell parents even though there not supposed too, that and the nearist counsoler is like 30 mins away

[Gwen]

It'd be a good idea to at least try although if your not comfortable with it then don't go to a counselor nobody here is going to force you. Another tip would be to find someone like you who is equally socially nervous as you'll find you could have something in common. Plus both you and him/her have a friend they'll be able to trust. It sounds all butterflies and daisies but it won't hurt to try.

[Gandalf]

Duncun recommended seeing a counsellor and I thought I'd just give you a little bit more information to think about...

I completely empathise with anxiety.

You said you saw counsellors before. It'd be worth noting that some only work in what I now know to be known as a "Rogerian" style. Which really may only go far enough to deal with understanding the emotions and not focusing on how to deal with negative thoughts. Whereas there are other types of councelling, that may be available to you.

On the subject of confidentiality, they'd probably not discuss anything with your parents due to your age.

Again, just something to think about and it's something that you'd have to consider yourself.


~Ben

[Aggregate]

Recognizing the issue is good. Being frustrated by it is motivation to break free.

Fact: its not easy. Simply telling yourself "I shouldn't care what people think" is easy, but believing it is not.

Expose yourself to more social situations, but on your terms. If other people push you into being social, you'll feel a lack of control and it will increase your anxiety. Knowing you can leave or engage at any time is important.

Don't over-think or over-analyze people, and if you want to say something, do it. If you find yourself watching what you say and do, you will become nervous.

Social anxiety is all about the misconception people are watching and judging your every move. This isn't true. Usually the only one scrutinizing you is yourself.

If you do find yourself tripping up, losing your voice, or saying stupid things, just keep pushing. Sometimes we get over social nerves by making a fool of ourselves and realizing it doesn't matter and we can recover. The simple drive that you want to prove to other people you are a decent person underneath, and not a sack of nervousness, can be enough to help you get over it.