Unreliable friend who makes no effort unless she's in need. WHat should i do?

[Zoe75]

I have had this friend for many years who has recently has found a new boyfriend and since than I'm only allowed to see her when he is there, she is lazy with replying to messages, returning calls, organising plans etc.. In some instances she has failed to tell me that she can no longer follow through with our plans which has inconvenienced me and her boyfriend is always an excuse. Another time i came around to her house so i could hang out one on one with her and she disappeared into her room for almost an hour to have a phone convo with her boyfriend. I asked her if she wanted to go on a short holiday with me and she said she was broke and also asked to borrow money off me... but then a few weeks later she arranged a trip with her bf and told me she spent $450 on weekend when she was hanging out with him. I feel she is being really rude and disrespectful. In light of this if she has a problem she will call me at any time of the day even in the early hours of the morning and ask for my advice.

I confronted her about the issue and she jumped to hasty conclusions by saying that I didn't want her to spend anytime with her bf and that she can't devote ALL her time to me. She then said I'm a "pest and i don't understand whats its like to have a boyfriend" However, if she had actually spoken to me she would know that i actually do have a bf and yet I'm still making time to see her.

Should i end this friendship?

[Schnope]

I can understand your frustrations, you are putting yourself out there and you are not getting anything back from it. I learnt this the hard way, but you need to ask yourself this question: Am I happy being in this friendship? Because if not, then break it off. It is your call at the end of the day.

Friendships need to work both ways, and at the moment it seems like she doesn't have her priorities straight. It seems you have put in a lot of effort and she hasn't put in the same. It needs to be balanced.

[Pierce]

End the friendship right now! I'm sorry but from what I read here she seems like a total Bitch! She's rubbing her boyfriend in your face and using you for many different things. I can go on forever on how badly she is treating you, but I'll just tell you right now end the damn friendship. Best of Luck!

[SammieRose]

As Pierce said, send her packing. She already shut you out of her life to put everything onto her bf. She decided your friendship is less important than, most likely, her bf of the season. She lied to you and used your money to go with him. Then say you are a pest.

Sorry, but you lost a friend to idiot-hood. She might come back, but the damage is already done. Be the better woman and walk away while you can.

With friends like that, who needs enemies, right?

[TinyDancer]

She's being selfish right now. And she'll most likely stay that way as long as she can get away with it. Sometimes putting some distance betweet the both of you will tell you if she's sincere about her friendship with you. If she continues to oppress you with guilt and you put up with it, you're a much better person than I am. Good luck hun!

[anyone50]

It sounds like there isn't much of a friendship left anyway but I wouldn't end it by pointing out her faults and telling her it's over because it sounds like it will just end on it's own accord. If she dosen't have time for you and it certainly sounds this way make yourself more and more unavailable to her. It's not unusual for frienships to drift apart when a bf get's into the picture. Be the bigger one and just remain friendly but don't let her use you or inconvience you.

[Gwen]

Friendships and relationships in general are like a bridge, you need time and effort coming equally from both side. If one side stops giving time and effort the bridge collapses. That's the hard truth and it's easier to just give it a rest, if she isn't going to spend time with you why waste your time?

[xmojox]

Stop taking her calls. Surely your conscience must hurt for being such a pest that you answer her calls at 3 AM. You can only be used if you allow it.

[Zoe75]

Thanks for your support guys. I was very blunt with her and said I'm not interested in staying in contact with her and told her why. I did it in written form so she wouldn't talk over the top of me or say rude things like I'm a 'pest' and I'm glad i did it this way as it feels better standing up for myself.

Thanks for all your help! such a great forum.

[Shortie]

I have had this friend for many years who has recently has found a new boyfriend and since than I'm only allowed to see her when he is there, she is lazy with replying to messages, returning calls, organising plans etc.. In some instances she has failed to tell me that she can no longer follow through with our plans which has inconvenienced me and her boyfriend is always an excuse. Another time i came around to her house so i could hang out one on one with her and she disappeared into her room for almost an hour to have a phone convo with her boyfriend. I asked her if she wanted to go on a short holiday with me and she said she was broke and also asked to borrow money off me... but then a few weeks later she arranged a trip with her bf and told me she spent $450 on weekend when she was hanging out with him. I feel she is being really rude and disrespectful. In light of this if she has a problem she will call me at any time of the day even in the early hours of the morning and ask for my advice.

I confronted her about the issue and she jumped to hasty conclusions by saying that I didn't want her to spend anytime with her bf and that she can't devote ALL her time to me. She then said I'm a "pest and i don't understand whats its like to have a boyfriend" However, if she had actually spoken to me she would know that i actually do have a bf and yet I'm still making time to see her.

Should i end this friendship?

Oh I know how you feel, this is almost the same with me. I'm sorry, it's not nice hey. =/

I don't know what you can do, I don't know what should do. If I end the friendship I lose my best friend, someone I couldn't live without but I'm tired of being ignored, made to feel like shit and hear every excuse as to why she can't take any time out for me. It's like "hey remember me? We used to be friends when you were single..." A week or so ago, during a moment she wasn't ignoring me, I txt her about a problem I was having, her reply was something like "I can't be the only person you rely on". =(

Sorry for you again