I like my ex... a lot.

[scott757]

I haven't been on here in ages, but I remember the good advice I can get from here and I know this is a good place to come for some more, so here is the story.

I went out with a girl around this time last year who I reeeeeally liked. I had liked her for ages and she really liked me (as far as I know) anyway, soon after we started going out she started getting really irregular with texting and what not and I held out (we had exams so I thought that may of been a factor) but afterwards it didn't improve, so we broke up.

I was ok with that and we were (and are to this day) good friends, until around November when me, her and two other people started working on this competition in school so I began to be spending more time with her again. Through this I began to really like her again and now whenever I see her I keep feeling a great sense of regret about our failure of a relationship the first time around. What makes it even more frustrating is that I have found out why it happened... I WAS TOO CLINGY! and basically from what I can gather, that pushed her away.

The thing is, I only really speak to her in school but she is a part of our group of friends so I do chat to her when in a group and if we are out with our group. Apart from that I don't really get to talk to her and definitely not on a one-to-one type of thing.

My question is (finally, sorry for the long story) how should I start trying to talk to her again, and I know where I screwed up the first time, I know I can change and I would be very different if I was to get another chance. So how can I try and speak to her again and try and see if we could get closer again, then show her I am able to be different, and then try to see if there was any chance of getting back together. I can't be sure if she still likes me, but I can definitely see that she genuinely wants to talk to me when I am talking to her, and that she doesn't only talk to me because she "has" to so to speak. I still have strong feelings for her, and I know it will probably take quite a long while to try and get back together if we were to, but I am prepared for it, I really really like her and I do feel really strongly towards her, and in all fairness I don't really have any feelings for anyone else.

[Gandalf]

I'd recommend you rebuilt your friendship it seems like it's had time for her to move on from the relationship previously. There is nothing more you can do besides speaking to her and see where it leads.

Be sensitive, and show her that you have thought about your mistakes and are willing to put any other bad times in the past. (Even though you say you remained friends.)

But, you do need to be realistic and accept it if she clearly states she doesn't want to try again.

Hope I've helped :)

[anyone50]

One thing you have going for you is that you know why it didn't work out the first time and your still talking to her as friends. If she not interested in anyone else at the time i would go to her and tell her the truth and that is since starting to work on this competition it has stirred up old feelings you had for her last year and you would like to just go out again as friends to see if if anything has changed, and assure her you want to take it slow at first. Most girls will appreciate the honesty and if she has any feelings for you at all left she will proably consent.

I wouldn't go into detail with her and say I know I was being to clingy the first time around It would be much better if you showed her that you have changed by your actions if she gave you a second chance. It would be then up to you. Worst case is that she will tell you she's not ready aand you still have that frienship but at least you know it's time to move forward and not backwards.

[AbbaZabba]

One thing you have going for you is that you know why it didn't work out the first time and your still talking to her as friends. If she not interested in anyone else at the time i would go to her and tell her the truth and that is since starting to work on this competition it has stirred up old feelings you had for her last year and you would like to just go out again as friends to see if if anything has changed, and assure her you want to take it slow at first. Most girls will appreciate the honesty and if she has any feelings for you at all left she will proably consent.

I wouldn't go into detail with her and say I know I was being to clingy the first time around It would be much better if you showed her that you have changed by your actions if she gave you a second chance. It would be then up to you. Worst case is that she will tell you she's not ready aand you still have that frienship but at least you know it's time to move forward and not backwards.

Basically, couldn't have said it any better. I think this is good, sound advice for you.

[scott757]

Thanks very much for your replies :) Sometimes I feel like it is a stupid idea to think about seeing her again, but when I see her I remember why it isnt :rolleyes: I think definately to show her how I have seen what I messed up on and changing around her to reflect that will be difficult as I can't really see there being much of a chance of it just being me and her, but in a group situation or whatever I will try my best to see how it goes.

I think I will just keep building things up until we can be talking a lot more and stuff outside of in school and then move towards mabey seeing how she feels, I think that is the best way, she isn't the best at communicating at times, it will be difficult, but I think just talking to her until I think that the time is right to say to her again. In my head I can see it being a long, long process... but we will see I guess

[scott757]

Well, a couple of weeks down the line from posting here, currently still talking a lot in school, more than usual. Last weekend we went out as part of a group to (ironically) the place we went once last year, I had spent a lot of the day talking to her since it turns out like 3/4 of the group were in couples (way to make you feel better about things, eh?) but yeah we were getting along really well and seem to be in school too. My main problem is I want to text her and have a conversation with her outside school, my worry, though, is that as I said, the thing that destroyed our relationship the first time was that I was too clingy, and I'm scared that if I was to text her she might see it as getting too clingy and I do not want that to happen.

Anyone got any advice on how best to go ahead?