he wont cum!

[ArtistInNeed]

so me and my bf have been going out for almost 2 months now, and weve had sex about eh maybe 5 times, and out of the five times hes only cam once, wtf? and he wont stay hard, he was a virgin when we first did it and even then he didnt cum. he cam like our 4th time doing it. hell be hard for like the first few moments of sex and then w.o cumming hell be soft, and then it takes like minutes b4 hes hard again, and then by that time i dont wanna do anything. wats going on? is it me?

[byee]

The only part of this that's your responsibility is that you're either encouraging him, or at the least, allowing him, to try to have sex with you.

We have a biological ability to perform, it's the way the species avoids extinction. So, if something gets in the way of that, barring anything really weirdly physical (doubtful at his age), then it's all psychological. Anxiety, that great killer of sex!

What's happening now is a vicious cycle. He's too nervous to perform, he feels lousy and inadequate, so he puts more pressure on himself to perform to prove to himself and you that's he's ok, makng it more difficult to perform.

There's only one solution here. You both have to acknowledge that there's too much anxiety and that you'll not try this anymore for awhile. This won't work itself out on it's own, he needs time to get comfortable taking the sexual step.

We often think that guys should be ready to perform at the drop of a hat, whenever and wherever sex becomes available. Unfortunately, most don't recognize that if the head isn't ready, then it won't work. Your guy needs a little more time with you in a non sexual way.

[Underground_Network]

^^ I disagree... Not sure why.. But I just don't think what he just said is 100% correct, I'm not awake enough to look into this right now, but I'll do some research later, and hopefully prove him wrong... Anyway, this thread doesn't really belong in relationships and dating, maybe it should be moved into General Questions, Polls, and Surveys, as this is a question that somewhat pertains to puberty.

[byee]

^^ I disagree... Not sure why.. But I just don't think what he just said is 100% correct, I'm not awake enough to look into this right now, but I'll do some research later, and hopefully prove him wrong... Anyway, this thread doesn't really belong in relationships and dating, maybe it should be moved into General Questions, Polls, and Surveys, as this is a question that somewhat pertains to puberty.

Ahh, you doubt me?! LOL! When you're awake enough and do a little searching you'll be able to confirm what I've said.

[ArtistInNeed]

he says he still gets a lil nervous during sex, but how come that one time he did cum? and he doesnt moan during sex, but when im giving him a hand job he moans..

heres a convo i just had with him.
me: do u get nervous still when we have sex?
him: kinda, is that bad?
me: no
him: do you?
me: not really
me: no
him: i only get nervous cus i suck
me: u dont suck!

[Underground_Network]

Him being nervous definitely could effect his performance, so I suggest that you make sure that you're both confident going into it. You may want to try some foreplay or something to get him aroused before going straight into sex. Why he came the one time but didn't the other four times is beyond me. Again, it could've been the nerves, but I don't know. :/

If he's uncomfortable or very nervous, try and calm him down. Make him feel comfortable, try and convince him that there's nothing to be nervous about. Tell him what you told him in that conversation over and over again. Tell him that he's fine, the you love him. The fact that he gets nervous may be a sign that lacks self-confidence, make him feel good about himself. Make him feel confident. :)

[ArtistInNeed]

we do mess around before we go into it, i have no idea why he would be nervous around me though

[byee]

I really do like my advice here, eventhough it's not what you might want to hear. Both you and he are agreeing, btw, with me.

Really, it sounds like he's just not ready yet. I wouldn't recommend more foreplay or anything else, it's not a physical problem, it's emotional.

To answer other q's, he came the first time because he did, and I don't mean to be sarcastic, but who knows why? What's important now are the difficulties he's now having. The maoning is just a personal thing, maybe he's enjoying the h/j more than sex, maybe because he's just more comfortable with that. Which kinda supports what I'm saying here, too.

Really, lay off for a while, let him get used to being close with you emotionally for a while. If you and he keep trying before he's ready, you run the risk that it'll turn into a major issue between you.

[Serenity]

Originally Posted by Relationships and Dating Announcements
Hello and welcome to the Ralationships and Dating forum. This forum is for asking for relationship and dating advice ONLY. Sex questions are not allowed here and sex education questions will be moved to general puberty.

~The VT Staff.

Announcements just have a wealth of info in them ;)

Relationships :arrow: Puberty General

[Antares]

I think he is downing himself because he does feel that he cant perform. But anyone would be if he couldn't keep an erection. So I think that if you guys do it again you need to encourage him and try something exciting and different. That may keep him nice and hard;)! But yeah I think its psycological too. He just isn't comfortable with it I think and you need to help him loosen up.

[VeinceMan]

I don't think Id get nervous, but I'm a shy man. Not being able to um, finish the job makes me really nervous about sex, but I really want to have get some, so I'm hoping that they even each other out!

[RaisingSand]

Maybe he's just nervous, because, as you mentioned, he was a virgin when you guys first had sex. You could try talking it out with him and using other ways to make him more relaxed.
Sounds like he could be having performance nerves, and doesn't think he's pleasing you. Anxiety and lack of communication play major roles in totally killing your sex life.
Any way, good luck. :hug:

[TheDude]

I think it is probably because he is anxious.
This might sound silly - but had he had any alcohol in the hours leading up to the sex?