Keep trying or give up?

[gormball2]

Okay, so I am 19, and am male. There is this girl I have been trying to chase for 1 and a half years, and for most of that period she was comfortable with me as a friend. Please help me with a situation here and answer the questions in BOLD. I need advice from both boys and girls.

This year, she asked me if we were more than just friends. I said yes, but she said she wasn't ready to commit yet, but insisted that she is not rejecting me, and that we are "good friends taking it slow". But after that, for most of January, she went into "cold shoulder mode" in her own words cause she is emo about something. Based on her Facebook posts and my knowledge of her as a friend, I think she is trying to forget an old relationship. Would this make her confused about me?

In February, she exited the cold shoulder mode and is somewhat willing to talk to me again, but in a more controlled way than before. In fact she texted me first a couple of times to ask me about my life. She once implicitly said that she isn't in the cheerful mood for some of the friendly banter that we used to have. The friendly banter (and maybe flirting) was what made it easy for us to text in the first place, so I don't know how to start talking texting her again? Can anyone help with this? I don't want to just keep asking about her life, sounds boring after a while, and she seems so sad to talk nowadays.

Anyway, this month, I asked her out today, and next wk, and in both cases she says she isn't free. For next week, I can understand it is legit cos she is taking her college results. But after I asked if she is free on other days, she says she doesn't fancy meetups FOR NOW cos she just want to spend with her clique of friends.Does FOR NOW mean she will be more acceptive of me asking to hang out again?


I have asked my friends about it, but many say she is claiming she isn't interested and trying to avoid me, despite that SHE SHOWED INTEREST LAST TIME. Yet one of my friends also said "I think you are being too pessimistic. She is probably really busy, and coupled with the fact she is forgetting about an ex, she is of course confused about you. Not as bad as you think, cos you still have a small chance." So I shouldn't give up, right?.

I am confused by all those dating websites who say I should give up, but it feels like those advice is non contextual and I believe my context is a bit more complicated, and I shouldn't give up. Just I want to see if others agree with me on this. She is NOT by any means a tomboy but she is also not a stereotypical girl...

Just FYI I admit I can be a clingy guy at times, which puts off girls, so I am scared I may have done something to ruin my chances and if that is the case what can I do to salvage this?.

Please help and give more advice than "just give up". Thanks!

[anyone50]

I'm sure you want a straight answer so her is my opinion based on the info you provided. I don't think she is confused about you in fact I think she has your number and you proably said it best you tend to be a little clingy and while this isn't a relationship killer in all cases it not something most girls want to deal with before a real relationship starts.

About her texting you and how she has changed her disposition from the way you guys use to talk and text has more to do with her than you I feel and all you can do at this point is be supportive but not too inquesitive. If she wants you to help in what ever she's going thru at the moment let her make the first move. Anything you say or do contrary to this makes you look clingy again.

There may be something in what your friends are saying and that she's not interested in you at least as far as being in a relationship and I say this because she is making excuses for not accepting your invatations to hang out. This is what girls do when they don't want to be with someone but don't want to hurt a guys feelings or burn any bridges by saying flat out I don't want to go out just leave me the hell alone. Some girls have no problem with this approch but I think I am more like your friiend and I make excuses.

I'm not sure if there is anything left to salvage at this point as far as having a closer relationship with this girl but at the same time I would not close the book on her as a friend. My best advise to you is give her the space she is looking for and just be friendly when you see her and say hi and I wouldn't go out of my way to text her unless she texts you first and even then keep it simple. There is always a chance she will miss the friendship you guys had at one point and want to get more involved down the road. Hope this helps.

[saturnine]

If she's not in a cheerful mood, that explains the reason she's hanging out with her friends so much. She needs support. Progressively as time goes on, if she's still sad, try and mention how she's feeling and comfort her. Don't ease into the friend zone, though. Just ask for a date and you can talk about it. You're doing both things simultaneously! If she keeps putting you off more and more just drop her. If she isn't willing to see what you have to offer, she's not the one. Good luck!

[gormball2]

Hey saturnine thanks for the reply! I just wanted to ask if that I should still keep that tiniest bit of hope with her even as I back off. Cos' to be honest I think I am freaking her out by being a little clingy. I want to stop that, and so I back off to see how it goes in the long long long run.

How do I put it across to her that I am aware of my clinginess but it wasnt intentional as I sometimes don't know how to express myself properly?

[gormball2]

Can someone answer my other question???PLEASE HELP.

[saturnine]

Can someone answer my other question???PLEASE HELP.

You might be able to say "Hey, look, sorry if I've been a little annoying lately. I just really want to talk to you, etc." Chances are she isn't annoyed by you, but if she keeps rejecting you, perhaps she is avoiding you. Just stay true to yourself and know what is good for you! Good luck!

[xmojox]

If talking about her life is boring what do you plan on talking with this girl about if she were to get with you?

[gormball2]

If talking about her life is boring what do you plan on talking with this girl about if she were to get with you?

its not i dun wanna talk about it, its just she seems sad and dispirited and doesnt wanna talk to about it when i ask. she says she needs to clear her mind.

Recently i texted her a little, and fb her a little, and she replied for both cases, and i tried not to be clingy so i didnt drag it out too long too. Did i do this correctly? sighs.

[xmojox]

its not i dun wanna talk about it, its just she seems sad and dispirited and doesnt wanna talk to about it when i ask. she says she needs to clear her mind.

Recently i texted her a little, and fb her a little, and she replied for both cases, and i tried not to be clingy so i didnt drag it out too long too. Did i do this correctly? sighs.

You might find this helpful:

http://psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201207/clingy-intimacy

It seems that clinginess goes back to childhood and if you truly are "clingy" you're gonna need to address those childhood issues, at least somewhat. I would suggest talking to a therapist, at least for a few sessions.

Good luck, man.

[gormball2]

Hmm sry but I don't think that wasn't the answer I was looking for...

Its still weird. Just now I wished her luck for her results, and she replied instantly to my message, while I continued "how are u feeling (about the results)" she just didn't answer.

Then I forgot about her nt answering and whatsapp her because I needed to test my whatsapp, and she didn't reply too. It was urgent for me to test my whatsapp, so I asked her via text if she saw, cos my whatsapp is used for work reasons. And she replied saying she saw what I said on whatsapp and "anw I am nt free to reply now, I'm quite busy". And I was like...why does she reply sometimes and sometimes not? I mean if she is really ignoring, wouldn't it be all the way?

Please help.

[Riotboy]

Can someone answer my other question???PLEASE HELP.

Be Supportive But Dont be Overly Supportive.
Or just dump her and tell her to go away with her depressive shit

[xmojox]

Hmm sry but I don't think that wasn't the answer I was looking for...

Its still weird. Just now I wished her luck for her results, and she replied instantly to my message, while I continued "how are u feeling (about the results)" she just didn't answer.

Then I forgot about her nt answering and whatsapp her because I needed to test my whatsapp, and she didn't reply too. It was urgent for me to test my whatsapp, so I asked her via text if she saw, cos my whatsapp is used for work reasons. And she replied saying she saw what I said on whatsapp and "anw I am nt free to reply now, I'm quite busy". And I was like...why does she reply sometimes and sometimes not? I mean if she is really ignoring, wouldn't it be all the way?

Please help.

How do you define "clingy"?

[gormball2]

How do you define "clingy"?

Well, its like, I get paranoid when she doesn't reply my text and I tend to ask her about it....which makes me see desperate and clingy, when I am really concerned about her.

[xmojox]

Well, its like, I get paranoid when she doesn't reply my text and I tend to ask her about it....which makes me see desperate and clingy, when I am really concerned about her.

Maybe beyond asking if she's ok, don't push that. You don't wanna seem stalkerish. That can be creepy and annoying, speakin from personal experience. It might just be that she's not into you that way, too. You've gotta go with your instinct on that one.

[gormball2]

I am not dumping her. But I am honestly confused by all the mixed feelings she is sending and truth be told sometimes i think i over-think too.

[Miggy_C]

Keep chasing her of you really care about her you chase her.

[gormball2]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies so far.....I am still chasing after her, but taking it really slowly....

Nowadays I do talk to her, occasionally, when I text her first, otherwise she doesn't talk to me first. She does reply nowdays, and she explained that her work takes up a lot of time and that her boss is making her work from home on weekends too...

I didn't ask her, but she herself said the reason she never talk to me first was because she didn't have much to talk to people about...and she seems to be busy with her college applications too.

She seems to think that we are still taking slow....once I asked her what she's doing out of curiosity, and she replied "eh....talking to other guys.... JUST KIDDING! My college application! :)" what's this teasing for? Could be quite normal, if we were still just plain friends, but given our current state is this meaning something else? (I am not trying to interpret this as a positive sign, just whether HER mindset is still of taking it slowly...)

Anyone can offer advice on this? Thanks!