Why's sexuality so difficult sometimes? Conflicting emotions and stuff :(

[Lovelife090994]

Hi, this is a bit of a serious issue here and a tear jerker maybe so if you do not want to read that kind of topic, this is a warning.

Lately or rather since puberty I have always been shy around girls yet never found them repulsive but I have never been sexually aroused by one nor sexually attracted to a girl, (maybe because I've never dated and I'm so plain vanilla). It is odd because I want a girlfriend and wife one day but peope whom I've shared by thougths with on possibly being gay or bisexual but also me wanted to ignore sex completely say, "you can't change or ignore who you are" yet I don't care what they say I don't like the confusion!

I am Christian and to those I've told it has blinded me and made me feel guilty about everything though no do not try and talk me out of my beliefs they are staying. But still I do not wish to have gay thoughts or be bisexual but boys turn me on just not emotionally. I probably sound half crazy by now but that is my dilemma. Plus I have felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame because my family would never accept this, "confused me." And my friends who are gay or with the LGBT community regard me as a "homophobe," or "hypocrite," (like that helps really!?) but like I am just so unsure. Any options or community sites unless this one itself could help.

Sadly I just feel like I'm going in a downward spiral and I have no one to really tell and no one to help me with this. I know some say, "accept it," but I don't want to. Can't I be what I want to be? Which for would be 100% straight. Many men and women are so why can't I? *sigh* if you want, message respond it doesn't matter. I just feel a bit gray at the moment. I don't want to lose my family, friends, sanity, or faith. It's just that everything feels so confusing, conflicting and gray! And even worse at age 5 and sometimes now I used to wish I was a girl and now it is fading... help I guess. Thank you for reading this, contact me if you want.

[HumbleMuffin]

Hi, this is a bit of a serious issue here and a tear jerker maybe so if you do not want to read that kind of topic, this is a warning.

Lately or rather since puberty I have always been shy around girls yet never found them repulsive but I have never been sexually aroused by one nor sexually attracted to a girl, (maybe because I've never dated and I'm so plain vanilla). It is odd because I want a girlfriend and wife one day but peope whom I've shared by thougths with on possibly being gay or bisexual but also me wanted to ignore sex completely say, "you can't change or ignore who you are" yet I don't care what they say I don't like the confusion!

I am Christian and to those I've told it has blinded me and made me feel guilty about everything though no do not try and talk me out of my beliefs they are staying. But still I do not wish to have gay thoughts or be bisexual but boys turn me on just not emotionally. I probably sound half crazy by now but that is my dilemma. Plus I have felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame because my family would never accept this, "confused me." And my friends who are gay or with the LGBT community regard me as a "homophobe," or "hypocrite," (like that helps really!?) but like I am just so unsure. Any options or community sites unless this one itself could help.

Sadly I just feel like I'm going in a downward spiral and I have no one to really tell and no one to help me with this. I know some say, "accept it," but I don't want to. Can't I be what I want to be? Which for would be 100% straight. Many men and women are so why can't I? *sigh* if you want, message respond it doesn't matter. I just feel a bit gray at the moment. I don't want to lose my family, friends, sanity, or faith. It's just that everything feels so confusing, conflicting and gray! And even worse at age 5 and sometimes now I used to wish I was a girl and now it is fading... help I guess. Thank you for reading this, contact me if you want.

I hate to say it, but.. There's not really any way around it.
Could you look into joining a different church? I'm not Christian, but I often go to church because I have friends there- it's part of the United Church of Canada, which is probably one of the most accepting churches you'll ever find. Being gay equalling bad is definitely not something they teach or believe.

I'm not sure if you live in Canada, and I rather doubt it, but you could try looking for a similar church.

No one WANTS to be gay. No one wants to deal with the abuse or criticism that we get. But we have to do what we can to make it work, right?

Just.. please don't look into "Repairative therapy". It doesn't work. It won't work. But it WILL hurt you.

[AbbaZabba]

I think what you are going through is somewhat normal. I have a BF, but I think about girls too. I think it is part of puberty, and till we are older, develop more, and try more, we truly won't know what we are.

[Atonement]

Like stated, puberty is a time of a lot of shifting attractions, desires, emotions, etc. It's confusing by nature. However, don't feel a need to categorize yourself. You're you. If you're gay, cool. If you're straight, cool. If you're somewhere in between, which everyone is, welcome. Perhaps you simply don't have sexual attraction right now. Things shift. Give time, patience, and I wouldn't worry so much about it.

[Lovelife090994]

I think what you are going through is somewhat normal. I have a BF, but I think about girls too. I think it is part of puberty, and till we are older, develop more, and try more, we truly won't know what we are.

Like stated, puberty is a time of a lot of shifting attractions, desires, emotions, etc. It's confusing by nature. However, don't feel a need to categorize yourself. You're you. If you're gay, cool. If you're straight, cool. If you're somewhere in between, which everyone is, welcome. Perhaps you simply don't have sexual attraction right now. Things shift. Give time, patience, and I wouldn't worry so much about it.

I hate to say it, but.. There's not really any way around it.
Could you look into joining a different church? I'm not Christian, but I often go to church because I have friends there- it's part of the United Church of Canada, which is probably one of the most accepting churches you'll ever find. Being gay equalling bad is definitely not something they teach or believe.

I'm not sure if you live in Canada, and I rather doubt it, but you could try looking for a similar church.

No one WANTS to be gay. No one wants to deal with the abuse or criticism that we get. But we have to do what we can to make it work, right?

Just.. please don't look into "Repairative therapy". It doesn't work. It won't work. But it WILL hurt you.

Thank you all for the replies, I will have to think on this...

[Lovelife090994]

Again thanks and I have talked to others about this... still at stage 1 like I was but at least I didn't take a step back.

[justin 13]

Dude, I understand you. I am catholic, but I have no problem being catholic and gay. But, I am in the closet and I will be there until college. I dont want to be bullied.

[steellord321]

You can keep your beliefs and be miserable and a homophobe, or find another church and accept yourself and the rest of us. Your friends are right and are trying to help. Just cause you happen to be gay/bi doesn't mean u get a free pass. In fact, it means u should be able to understand better than others that it's not a choice. The only thing u should be angry about is being lied to about that.

[Twilly F. Sniper]

It makes no sense someone would CHOOSE a life like mine, torture, suicide attempts, and my thoughts. Really it is terrible. Just get over it homophobes, and direct your mean torture to people that deserve it, nobody. Just stop the discrimination.