Suicide... Pretty Serious Reasons..

[crimson]

Wooooo! I'm free! I had an open discussion with my brother and mother about all the issues..
Feel a lot better and we went through solutions for each one. Now the only issues remaining are fixing my missed time at school and my dad, I feel like HAPPY HAPPY FREE!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox6IDQVV4_g
My hedgehog..

Made this video before trying to commit suicide, when I finished my mom came home because she had a bad feeling about me and saved my life. Pretty amazing, huh? =D




I've been thinking about suicide for about 3 years now..
I've never really done anything serious but I have a plan now , with the garage to hang myself, I know where my moms climbing rope is and everything..

I'm a 8th grader, 13 years old.

My reasons are pretty large and I'm guessing most of you won't understand.
My family is more of a activist family, like I hear the news on a ton and my bro's gonna be a journalist etc. Like I help make food for homeless I go to a radio show to help out as Dj.. Blah Blah..

I'm feeling that the world is corrupt and there's gonna be a really really crappy future out there. But ( sorry if this offends anyone , I'm speaking my mind , this is just how i feel ) I also am beginning to hate everyone else with their what I call "happy bubbles".

Really about the world and shit, there's obviously global warming, the national debt is huge, there are more terroists now because of Bush, the enviornment, people are overpopulating, the enviornment is going to hell, etc. I mean I could go on and on and on.. It would never end.. Like I watch some youtube videos of like police brutality and I literally cry cause of all this shit and ther doing to people .. And I mean all this other shit and racism , homophobism , etc. also pisses me off to end. I'm guessing most of you think I'm some wacked out conspciracist by now or what ev. lol// There's a ton of reasons ..
I feel like the future is gonna suck..

I'm also really sick of happy bubbles... I see all these people so ignorant and they choose not to hear the news and whats really happening. They're just so obsessed with their own little lives , it makes me go insane.. Like everyone around me is just so unaware it seems and it pisses me off. I'm guessing nobody here at VT would understand that..

So there's another reason .. School . I Have friends, get bullied sometimes but overall pretty good socially.. I don't really mention anything I think about it cause people would just dismiss me and shit.. But there's algebra...
I think Algebra is holy giant pack of [cabbage]! I mean honestly , like I can understand the basic uses of it but seriously its pointless. Espically when the world's going to hell.. Not to mention my teacher is a total [cabbage] and gives me about 4 hours of HW every night.. its not just me everyone else in that class gets it and it takes a really long time. So I've just been blowing off all my math homework.. I'm refusing to do it. And I'm not doing good on tests, but it doesnt really matter if I'm gonna kill myself. So I enjoy all other subjects, think ther useful and like learning. But i wanna [cabbage] math.

So I started skipping school , my mom and bro had to leave early before my bus arives. So I stayed home the whole day, deleted to absent message on phone .. and skipped. That lasted for about 4 days but then my mom didn't leave early so i had to go. Now I have even more work to catch up on , so I'm feeling even more shiity. And my mom still doesnt know that i skipped all those other days. So now the office is gonna send both my parents a letter telling them about all this stuff. So that's gonna be even worse.

OMG >.< This is getting long..

So I'm thinking im gonna kill myself sometime soon, can't stand school. Teachers are all beginning to hate me which makes it even worse. Maybe I brought upon myself, but I'm too deep in this shit to get out easily..
I spend a lot of time thinking about all the news and how the worlds gonna go down. Cry a lot, I miss my pet hedgehog, he repersented something that was perfect and beatiful, no guilt and just innocence. He died when he was about 3 1/2 . Just wish I could go..

I'm an atheist, I beleive that death is like sleeping with no dream. Just quietness..

So , I need some advice, or I may already kill myself by then.

Anybody have any better tips than hanging myself? I'd like carbon monoxide poisning but that'd be hard I think.

Also, I understand that there are people out there that would care a lot, I understand, but I'm weighing the good and bad, and I'm a lil lazy =P . Suicide is the quick way out I beleive.

Holy [cabbage] I wrote a lot o.o

Edit: I've never really been a bf or anything ,, honestly I'll just speak my mind, killing yourself over a Bf or Gf I just can't understand..

yawn.. wow, its 1:12 AM, I'm supposed to have done my Hw ,don't have any note for tomarrow, I dunno, I wanna kill myself fast. Too much [cabbage] going down..

I used [cabbage] to cover up what I would have said, lol :P

If I had the courage I'd go into the the kitchen grab a fillet knife and stab my throat, but no, im scared. I've never been able to cut myself ..

I beat myself up with my fist or smash my head but I can never cut myself..

I wish there was just a red button, it'd be so much easier than hanging myself..

[press]

-nothing-
-silence-
-peace-

I might run away for a while , anything but math. I've learned that there's plenty of good food in dumpsters , could survive a while.

Oh god, just wasted another 30 minutes..

I need to finish this quick.

Everyone, if I don't post on VT again then you'll know..

Just need the courage.. That's all I need.

[Sapphire]

Please don't double post, next time use the "Edit" feature.

No one here is going to give advice on how you should commit suicide.

Ok, I agree that the world is going down the crapper. But that does not mean that happiness will forever remain a far off emotion only to be dreamt of. It is not too late for things to change and improve - globally and for yourself.
At such a young age, life is only really beginning. I know what it feels like to be standing on the edge of a massive void wishing with all your heart for things to end. For the chaos and the pain to stop. I also know that you can get through this. You can come out the other end of this and live a happy and content life.

You have spoken about running away. Is it just that you want a break from all the crap going on? Maybe to clear your head a bit?
How is life at home for you?

Crimson, speak with your doctor about this or seek help from a counsellor or a therapist. They can help you let some light penetrate the darkness which seems to be surrounding you at the moment. Do you have a friend or family member you could confide in incase you need some moral support in making the initial appointment with one of the above? I hope you do seek help and stay here for our support too.

[Hyper]

Sure the world sucks.. That's pretty obvious..... And I could make an endless list and complain and whine however that wouldn't help..

Neither would delaying things I am supposed to do or running away from them..

I did what you did in a more extreme form I did it 2 weeks in a row.. But not just because I was scared of having homework or something I just got bullied alot..

I'd walk out the door and roam around for hours.. I went to my friend one day and started going there.. He kind of never went to school but thats a different story.. I would go out pretending to go to school every day and then I would actually go to my friends house well near it.. And wait for his mother to go to work..

Anyway that lasted till the end of the period till my mother found out..

That didn't stop me from doing it again on the 2nd period then it lasted over a week or 2.. Don't remember....

Ugh and then I ran away from home a few times.. I suppose I knew it wasn't the real answer otherwise I would've been smart enough not to be found in a short time


Anyway... All that got me was that I was horribly behind in everything there were a few teachers who completely had a radiating aura of hate towards me.. Well some of them found out a bit more and forgave me as I started doing things.. I tried to stay in school but eventually I had to get a ''personalized learning schedule'' ugh kind of.. To finish the class.. Of course that was actually a good thing.. But well all the things that came along with it and all the trouble and ugh questions from relatives really wasn't worth it..

See.. I know life is not nice, people like to think everything is very simple and wonderous: there's no global warming, the government isn't corrupted, the government works purely for the people and etc....

But that is just ignorance.. And people like that are simply stupid and they can't be helped, if anything they'll realize that their entire way of seeing the world is a load of crap, but that is something they'd have to realize themselves..

You also seem to have the thing I did and still have in a way.. You think animals are better than people right? Since they don't care about ''money'' or things like that.. All they care about is survival and they take nothing more or less..

I was in a state exactly like you but then I just realized that even though the world isn't a nice place and it just gets worse in most places most of the time.. I realized there are still good people out there people who are passionate and caring and all that.. Even though I haven't met many people like that they are there, and that meant for me that there is atleast some kind of a place for me, even if partial.

You might never find yourself belonging somewhere for awhile.. But you have to find your home in your heart, that's just the way some things work.

[crimson]

Please don't double post, next time use the "Edit" feature.

No one here is going to give advice on how you should commit suicide.

Ok, I agree that the world is going down the crapper. But that does not mean that happiness will forever remain a far off emotion only to be dreamt of. It is not too late for things to change and improve - globally and for yourself.
At such a young age, life is only really beginning. I know what it feels like to be standing on the edge of a massive void wishing with all your heart for things to end. For the chaos and the pain to stop. I also know that you can get through this. You can come out the other end of this and live a happy and content life.

You have spoken about running away. Is it just that you want a break from all the crap going on? Maybe to clear your head a bit?
How is life at home for you?

Crimson, speak with your doctor about this or seek help from a counsellor or a therapist. They can help you let some light penetrate the darkness which seems to be surrounding you at the moment. Do you have a friend or family member you could confide in incase you need some moral support in making the initial appointment with one of the above? I hope you do seek help and stay here for our support too.


I've told my mom, and she doesn't really care. She kinda feels the same way about people and the world ... Yah, I think I would like to run away. Here, another day skipped because my mom and bro left early. I slept in to 1 PM. I dunno, I think my mom is part of the reason I wanna commit suicide, I've told her I wanna but she never thinks I will. My mom also says she hates life, and her life kinda sucks ( she has a really good paying job though, university prof )
I mean, if she isn't happy , and she always has a ton of work to do , never has much time , etc. I don't think I would ever be able to deal with it... Sometimes I wish I could fast - forward school to the point where I finished high school, get a normal ok job that doesnt put much stress on me, and get a apartment , and do activism stuff , help the community , and have fun on my own with hardly anyone constantly yelling me. I know my brother's friends that don't really have fancy/"good jobs" but they're still really happy and get a lot done for the community. I'm sure there's a lot out there in the future, even though the whole world's going down.. *sigh* I dunno, maybe I just a lazy-ass that hates school. I love everything but math, math to me is a symbol of this {cabbage} society. Math is still required in school, even when most people don't really use it.. I mean the only real reasons I can this high-level math stuff being useful is if your some statistic person for some giant corporation, or your building some giant building that will cover up nature..

I really don't wanna speak to a doctor or counseler. I think they'll have no understanding what so ever of my case..

I made a hangman's noose out of my shoelaces .. Running away could help me a lot, I think I'm gonna fail the 8th grade.. It's not like I'm stupid everyone, I could probably pass the finals, I made all 90+ last year on the finals. Just tired of the system..



Sure the world sucks.. That's pretty obvious..... And I could make an endless list and complain and whine however that wouldn't help..

Neither would delaying things I am supposed to do or running away from them..

I did what you did in a more extreme form I did it 2 weeks in a row.. But not just because I was scared of having homework or something I just got bullied alot..

I'd walk out the door and roam around for hours.. I went to my friend one day and started going there.. He kind of never went to school but thats a different story.. I would go out pretending to go to school every day and then I would actually go to my friends house well near it.. And wait for his mother to go to work..

Anyway that lasted till the end of the period till my mother found out..

That didn't stop me from doing it again on the 2nd period then it lasted over a week or 2.. Don't remember....

Ugh and then I ran away from home a few times.. I suppose I knew it wasn't the real answer otherwise I would've been smart enough not to be found in a short time


Anyway... All that got me was that I was horribly behind in everything there were a few teachers who completely had a radiating aura of hate towards me.. Well some of them found out a bit more and forgave me as I started doing things.. I tried to stay in school but eventually I had to get a ''personalized learning schedule'' ugh kind of.. To finish the class.. Of course that was actually a good thing.. But well all the things that came along with it and all the trouble and ugh questions from relatives really wasn't worth it..

See.. I know life is not nice, people like to think everything is very simple and wonderous: there's no global warming, the government isn't corrupted, the government works purely for the people and etc....

But that is just ignorance.. And people like that are simply stupid and they can't be helped, if anything they'll realize that their entire way of seeing the world is a load of crap, but that is something they'd have to realize themselves..

You also seem to have the thing I did and still have in a way.. You think animals are better than people right? Since they don't care about ''money'' or things like that.. All they care about is survival and they take nothing more or less..

I was in a state exactly like you but then I just realized that even though the world isn't a nice place and it just gets worse in most places most of the time.. I realized there are still good people out there people who are passionate and caring and all that.. Even though I haven't met many people like that they are there, and that meant for me that there is atleast some kind of a place for me, even if partial.

You might never find yourself belonging somewhere for awhile.. But you have to find your home in your heart, that's just the way some things work.

Thanks, I don't really know what to say. I totally agree with you on the animals, they're just perfect in a way, and now humans are [cabbage] them over.. :(

Its nice to know there's someone else out there that knows what I feel..
I feel like suffocating, I mean every breath is harder.. too much shit..

Yah I dunno, maybe I'm just lazy and wanna quick way out. I said a lot in my response to Carole

[Hyper]

I don't think your lazy. You are just feeling hopeless and sad that just comes with bad things like being un-motivated..

But as crude as it is you just have to work with yourself and get help from other people if you want and if it is necessary.

[crimson]

I don't think your lazy. You are just feeling hopeless and sad that just comes with bad things like being un-motivated..

But as crude as it is you just have to work with yourself and get help from other people if you want and if it is necessary.

Yah, un-motivated is better than lazy. I'm not completely sure what you mean when I have to work with myself... You mean just try to start feeling good again?

[Hyper]

Yah, un-motivated is better than lazy. I'm not completely sure what you mean when I have to work with myself... You mean just try to start feeling good again?

No you just have to understand yourself better and be clear in what you feel

If you really care about the world and are angry over the bad things in the world and if you wan't to make things better you have to do whatever you can to help good people and do good things..

What I mean is, you have to find out what you want to do the most, you might say I know it but you have to think about it.. If everything is clear to you, you should find alot of motivation.. Since you'll have a direction to work forward to.

You'll have something to live for, something that would be your mission..

And that is a great gift to have, and people who haven't found it have to keep looking, because killing yourself is throwing that unfound gift with many others away.

[crimson]

No you just have to understand yourself better and be clear in what you feel

If you really care about the world and are angry over the bad things in the world and if you wan't to make things better you have to do whatever you can to help good people and do good things..

What I mean is, you have to find out what you want to do the most, you might say I know it but you have to think about it.. If everything is clear to you, you should find alot of motivation.. Since you'll have a direction to work forward to.

You'll have something to live for, something that would be your mission..

And that is a great gift to have, and people who haven't found it have to keep looking, because killing yourself is throwing that unfound gift with many others away.

Your right.. I really enjoy helping people .. Trying to make a difference .
But what about math?

You seem like a very smart and interesting person, I'm curious what you have to say about my views on math...

[Hyper]

Your right.. I really enjoy helping people .. Trying to make a difference .
But what about math?

You seem like a very smart and interesting person, I'm curious what you have to say about my views on math...

I hate math but dependant on what you want to do.. You should atleast do as much as you can to get there and if it involves math or could involve math its a good idea.. To do atleast so much that you don't get in trouble

Math is necessary in alot of places, and the hassle out of your ''protest'' could affect other subjects.. As teachers talk to eachother.. And even 1 subject can ruin an entire grade.

[crimson]

I hate math but dependant on what you want to do.. You should atleast do as much as you can to get there and if it involves math or could involve math its a good idea.. To do atleast so much that you don't get in trouble

Math is necessary in alot of places, and the hassle out of your ''protest'' could affect other subjects.. As teachers talk to eachother.. And even 1 subject can ruin an entire grade.

You essential mean, just live with math, it sucks, but you have to deal with it otherwise teachers are gonna get pissed and your gonna fail.. Yeh, your right, but the rebel part of me hates math so fucking much for its uselessness, espically for the fact that if I did the homework it would ruin 4-6 hours of my afterschool life every fucking day. Math teacher is a btch, and she knows I've been trying to avoid her class, I'm scared of her.

[thesphinx]

I'd say math is one of the more useful topics in school. virtually any job you get you will need math skills. sure some topics in math may or may not be used on a regular basis. but its a very handy thing too know and will boost you in any job you get.

[crimson]

I'd say math is one of the more useful topics in school. virtually any job you get you will need math skills. sure some topics in math may or may not be used on a regular basis. but its a very handy thing too know and will boost you in any job you get.

Yeh, basic math and basic algebra... I totally agree. But no the real fancy stuff, my mother, and brother have never used the fancy math since they finished collage..

[Hyper]

Well fears are meant to be overcomed..

And 4-6 hours how? Idk people say I am inhuman on my studying but I have never even spent more than 1 hour or so on studying.. And I had ALOT of homework

Only took more time with special assigments..

But well you need to do it for your sake, you don't need to have some amazing grades, just enough to pass and manage would do.

[crimson]

Well fears are meant to be overcomed..

And 4-6 hours how? Idk people say I am inhuman on my studying but I have never even spent more than 1 hour or so on studying.. And I had ALOT of homework

Only took more time with special assigments..

But well you need to do it for your sake, you don't need to have some amazing grades, just enough to pass and manage would do.

No, I'm completely serious about the 4-6 hours. It looks like a packet or book when people turn it in..

Yeh, maybe I will have to . Maybe I can apply for another math teacher :yes:

[Hyper]

No, I'm completely serious about the 4-6 hours. It looks like a packet or book when people turn it in..

Yeh, maybe I will have to . Maybe I can apply for another math teacher :yes:

Yes that is a good idea. Wish we had options like that in here.. :P

Well I hope things start getting better for you.. Feel free to msg me at any time I'll most likely respond while your sleeping or coming home from school..

(Timezone)

[crimson]

Yes that is a good idea. Wish we had options like that in here.. :P

Well I hope things start getting better for you.. Feel free to msg me at any time I'll most likely respond while your sleeping or coming home from school..

(Timezone)

I'm central time zone.. Thanks a ton..