I've lost my will to try.

[WriterAnonymous]

So here's the story: I've been rejected from things my entire life, and I'm not just talking about by girls. There have been countless cases where I just haven't been good enough for something, or there's someone who's always just a little bit better than me. I think this all contributes to my current state of mind.

For the past, I dunno, five years, every single girl I've gone for has rejected me in some way. There were the girls I had crushes on, asked out, and got a no. About three or four cases of that.

Then last year, I started dating this girl that I had been friends with for years. We didn't have the title of "boyfriend/girlfriend", rather just "dating." It seemed like it was going really well at first, but in the end I found out that she was just playing me. Even when I confronted her about it, she didn't have the dignity to admit it. I haven't spoken to her in months.

Sorry, about that personal biography, by it kind of factors into the main point of this thread.

Lately, for some reason unknown to me, I've devloped a crush on this girl waaay out of my league. I usually never let things like this happen, because I know I get way over emotional about things, and it hurts to move on. Had this been a few years back, maybe I'd try to further the process a bit and get to know her, but after everything I've been through, it seems pointless. I feel that I'd never be good enough for someone like her especially, or really anyone for that matter.

My fear of rejection has grown to such a level that I have simply lost my will to try. And it couldn't have come at a worse time, either. I'm a junior in high school, and lately I've been looking back upon my life, and realizing my last sixteen years have been completely put to waste. I want to change my life; do something instead of just sitting around, find a good girl, but after all the rejection I've taken, it feels like that's never going to happen.

Any comments on my current situation, and any ideas on what I should do with this crush I've got going on?

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Honestly.... screw it.

Girls shouldn't be this important to you right now. You have so much time ahead of you to look for someone special, just friggen STOP LOOKING. Forget about girls completely for a while. Just try to have fun, and be, you know, A KID. That's what you are; we're all just kids still if you think about it. I'm only a year younger than you, and I've never had a girlfriend, but I've never been rejected (since I haven't tried). I mean, I like girls and everything, but you nor I really need a relationship at this point in our lives.

Kids grow up way too damn fast. Remember back when you just wanted to get home so you could play with your friends? Try some of that again. Kids today are simply too stressed over things like getting a girlfriend, YOU DON'T NEED IT. No matter how much you think you might. You're not thinking of marriage or other long-term commitments at 16. At least without girls you'll have more time to focus on school, and maybe you'll be better than good enough if you put all of your effort into it.

The bottom line is you have to ask yourself one question (not "do I feel lucky" :D).

What's the question?

Here it is:

Why is this so important for me right now? Do I need this for anything? Will this help me in any way?

.....NO.....

[WriterAnonymous]

Oh, I completely agree with that. The problem is, I'm the only one of my friends that still wants to be a kid. They all think they're too mature to still just have a good time.

One of my friends in particular is just obsessed with having sex, and he'll do anything to get there, even if it means dropping the girl he's with. It just seems like everything's changed...

Believe me, if I could go back to my childhood I'd do it in a second. I just want to lose this feeling that I'm going to accumulate to nothing in my life.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Then lose it. There's no reason to think that you won't amount to anything because "you couldn't get a girl in grade 10/11" ohhh nooo.

[WriterAnonymous]

It's not just that, it's the fact that I've been rejected in just about everying, as I said in the original post.

[byee]

The more I read That Canadian Guy's stuff, the more I've come to respect him. He's giving you some good advice. But since I'm never at a loss for words, let me add some.

I think part of your problem is that you're trying way too hard, your expectations are unrealistic. So, not surprisingly, you fail to reach your goal. Dating for '5 years', means that you started when you were eleven! What's that about?

My advice? Go out and do things that aren't reaching so much. You're way too in touch with tomorrow's stuff. Live today. That means pursue those things that you enjoy that do NOT involve the pursuits that most would consider 'tomorrow's goals', like finding the perfect girls or shooting the perfect foul shot, etc. Just do those things already in your comfort zone, enjoy those things you can accomplish with ease. And when you're ready to take the next step, you'll know. Reaching before you;re really ready just lands you on your back side, anyway.

[WriterAnonymous]

By five years, I meant grade six, not age eleven. Also, it's not unrealistic to date at my age, nor is it out out of the question. Infact, it should be expected. Dating in the teenage years is meant to show you what type of person you fit well with in the future. In no way am I setting the bar too high for myself or 'living in the future' by wanting to date. It's a normal thing for teenagers to do.

And as I said in my post above, in no shape or form am I trying to grow up too fast.

[byee]

By five years, I meant grade six, not age eleven. Also, it's not unrealistic to date at my age, nor is it out out of the question. Infact, it should be expected. Dating in the teenage years is meant to show you what type of person you fit well with in the future. In no way am I setting the bar too high for myself or 'living in the future' by wanting to date. It's a normal thing for teenagers to do.

And as I said in my post above, in no shape or form am I trying to grow up too fast.


You've misunderstood, I apologize for not being clearer. It's not about your age, it's about how much you seem to need these things. Regardless of your age, you seem to want it too much, it's probably getting in your way, the wanting it too much part. Try to relax a little, don't be so focused on what you don't have, spend some time on the things you do have, and I'll bet you'll find whatever it is you're looking for. But when you do, I'd recommend you not scare it away with that defensiveness!

[ThatCanadianGuy]

^^^ Same thoughts. Of course teens will get girlfriends and boyfriends, and it may be nice but... YOU DON'T NEED IT THAT BAD. Um... yeah :D

[WriterAnonymous]

Well of course I don't need it, I haven't actually wanted a relationship for about a year now.

That's another thing my friends are doing; trying to force me to find one.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

It could be hard, but... don't let them :D Tell them to deal with their own problems; they should have a lot if this is the thing they put absolute importance on :D

[WriterAnonymous]

It could be hard, but... don't let them :D Tell them to deal with their own problems; they should have a lot if this is the thing they put absolute importance on :D
Yeah, I try not to listen to them most of the time, because they can really get annoying after awhile. D:

But this discussion actually didn't pertain to the actual core of my thread which was (supposed to be) my question of what I should do with this strange crush I just got out of nowhere. Should I try to go somewhere with it, or just move on?

Also, please no more "You don't need to date" answers, I already know that's how some of you feel. ;)

Thanks. :D

[R_master]

you gotta go for it man, the only thing worse than getting rejected is not taking the opportunity in the first place.

if worse comes to worse, you will be a stronger person for trying and taking the chance.

[WriterAnonymous]

you gotta go for it man, the only thing worse than getting rejected is not taking the opportunity in the first place.

if worse comes to worse, you will be a stronger person for trying and taking the chance.

Okay, thanks for the advice. :)

[Sapphire]

you gotta go for it man, the only thing worse than getting rejected is not taking the opportunity in the first place.

if worse comes to worse, you will be a stronger person for trying and taking the chance.

I completely agree with this. Rejection is not as bad as being left thinking "What would have happened?"

[WriterAnonymous]

Thanks.

I'd be afraid that even if things did work out and we started dating, that some of her popular friends would start talking down on me because they think I'm a loser or something. And I know how much friends can effect relationships, especially in high school.

[Sapphire]

Please don't double post. Use the edit feature next time.

Why do you think they'd be like that?

[WriterAnonymous]

It's not a double post if the second one's made a day later. O_o And that's just how a lot of people are in high school.

[Sapphire]

It's not how everyone is though. Surely you should give them the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise you're just making excuses.

[WriterAnonymous]

It's not how everyone is though. Surely you should give them the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise you're just making excuses.

Yeah, that's probably true.

[TakenAway--x]

You are sixteen. Once you are out of high school, a whole new world will be opened up to you. There will be more opportunities to meet girls, and you will have a higher chance of finding someone who wants to have a serious relationship with you. High school is full of flings. Is that something you really want?

At this age, yeah, rejection sucks, but your teenage years don't last forever. If it is that big of a deal to you, just try to find things that you can do without having to worry about the stresses of not having a girlfriend.

[WriterAnonymous]

You are sixteen. Once you are out of high school, a whole new world will be opened up to you. There will be more opportunities to meet girls, and you will have a higher chance of finding someone who wants to have a serious relationship with you. High school is full of flings. Is that something you really want?

At this age, yeah, rejection sucks, but your teenage years don't last forever. If it is that big of a deal to you, just try to find things that you can do without having to worry about the stresses of not having a girlfriend.
As I've said, it's not only the rejection by girls, it's rejection by just about everything I've ever tried. That aside, I'm not stressed about not having a girlfriend, I'd just like to have one. The point of this thread was the question about the girl I have a crush on right now, the rest of it was just used to explain why I'm hesitant about going for her.

[TakenAway--x]

Well, then fine.

[byee]

You know, after re reading this thread, I sorta understand why you get rejected alot. Go back and read your responses to everyone here. You reject everything said to you, you are argumentative, dismissive, defensive and unappreciative. We're here to help! And although you certainly don't need to accept what's being said to you, you might take at least some of it under advisement. Maybe someone here has a perspective that's accurate. And if not, there's a way of handling other people that isn't so, oh, I don't know, rude? Afterall, if you could figure out with some accuracy what's wrong with your interpersonal skills you wouldn't need to ask, right?

[WriterAnonymous]

You know, after re reading this thread, I sorta understand why you get rejected alot. Go back and read your responses to everyone here. You reject everything said to you, you are argumentative, dismissive, defensive and unappreciative. We're here to help! And although you certainly don't need to accept what's being said to you, you might take at least some of it under advisement. Maybe someone here has a perspective that's accurate. And if not, there's a way of handling other people that isn't so, oh, I don't know, rude? Afterall, if you could figure out with some accuracy what's wrong with your interpersonal skills you wouldn't need to ask, right?

Uh, how? I haven't gotten angry once, and the only thing I've 'rejected' (as you put it) was something that was already explained in my post. Maybe you should go back and read the original post before trying to acuse me of things.

[Sapphire]

Look, just go for it. Throw caution to the wind.

As for all the rejection. Either keep making the effort or hide away in a dark room with a computer as your only friend

[byee]

Uh, how? I haven't gotten angry once, and the only thing I've 'rejected' (as you put it) was something that was already explained in my post. Maybe you should go back and read the original post before trying to acuse me of things.

Go back and read your responses. You dismiss just about everything said to you. Maybe you're not aware of how this comes across, and maybe that's the problem you're having out there. If you ask for something (help or advice, in this instance), you'd do well to try to accept at least some of it, rather than justify whatever it is about you that's being said.