Why can't I win this war?

[rosey1228]

Lately I have been binging more than usual, and throwing up nearly every night. Sometimes more than once. It feels like the only thing that I can control, I'm trying to stop but my head is telling me how fat I am, if i don't get rid of the food that I have just binged on. And if I am not successful in throwing it up, then I usually starve myself or a couple of days to make up for it.
I don't know what to do! My weight is constantly decreasing and increasing. :( I need to lose it!
I am also admitted to a psychiatric unit, for self harm, and because I can't self harm it makes me focus more on the eating. The staff know about this, and have called it bulimia nervosa. They keep making me eat, saying they have control. And not letting me go into the bathroom, this makes me feel really guilty. And then I want to self harm.
It doesn't feel like anyone is trying to help me solve any of the problems.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I can live, if I can't be skinny x x
What can I do?:what:

[xXl0sth0peXx]

Contrary to popular belief, it's not all about being skinny. It's about being healthy and happy with your body. If you want to lose weight, and if you need to lose weight, then do it the right way - eat properly and go to the gym or play an exercise video game or something. Starving yourself or binging/purging are not going to help you in the long run - in fact they will make it worse. You might not believe this now, but the fact that they won't let you go into the bathroom and are making you eat is the best thing for you.

Stay strong, & feel free to PM me if you ever need anything. <3

[lightPainting]

eat more fruits. natural foods dont make you fat like manufacturer food does. did you know that a carrot [which has vitamin A] can improve the bodys ability to heal.

[Atonement]

First of all, though you may not be happy about it now, it is so great that you have access and are getting help. That's super important.

Like Val said, it's not about being skinny. It's about being healthy. I don't know your current body state, nor does it really matter. Having a great body isn't as important as being happy about the body you have. If you're unhappy and you want to change it, okay. But make sure your expectations are realistic. Skinny isn't always pretty. Skinny isn't always ideal. Skinny isn't really the norm. People who are "skinny" are usually born with the genes that make them so. If you're not skinny, chances are that you won't be skinny in the sense you think. BUT, here's the kicker. You can be happy. You can love your body. You can love yourself. You can get a healthy relationship with your body and your diet. You have access to the help. Take advantage.

Let me know if you have any questions to what I've said, I'd be happy to clarify.