CharlieHorse
February 15th, 2013, 02:44 AM
I am consistently getting crushes on girls that I have 0 chance with.
This usually leads to me feeling really terrible for sometimes as long as months. I dont know why. It's hard for me to explain.
I become obsessed, to a point where literally the only thing I can think about is that girl. It drives me insane. It causes me to do terrible in school. I can't sleep at all.
It also is a huge fueler for my depression and bipolar, usually leading suicidal thoughts and eventually my core of self sabotage.
It's happened three times in the past 1.5 years. I have gone for the past 2 months alright, but I feel it starting to happen again now. It drains every little drop of energy and care out of me, turning me into a numb, unstable, hateful creature. I become physically unstable. I lost too many friends, opportunities, blood, and tears from the last episode. I just can't do this again.
I figure that it can't JUST be the stupid little crush. There's something else. It's just being triggered by the crush. I just don't know what it is. All I know is that the crush feeling sets it off, so I have to avoid crushes at any and all costs. I'm scared I won't be able to though.
Fortunately I found a few forms of minor temporary relief. Forcing myself to cry allows me to get to sleep at night, playing my cello can calm my mind, and seeing that person whom I originally had the crush on makes me feel warm and happy for a few minutes or so.
So I guess my question is, how can I just get myself to accept the fact that I have no chance with this particular person so I can avoid this strange episode from happening again? So I can move on and focus on other more important things?
And has anyone ever heard or experienced anything like this?
This usually leads to me feeling really terrible for sometimes as long as months. I dont know why. It's hard for me to explain.
I become obsessed, to a point where literally the only thing I can think about is that girl. It drives me insane. It causes me to do terrible in school. I can't sleep at all.
It also is a huge fueler for my depression and bipolar, usually leading suicidal thoughts and eventually my core of self sabotage.
It's happened three times in the past 1.5 years. I have gone for the past 2 months alright, but I feel it starting to happen again now. It drains every little drop of energy and care out of me, turning me into a numb, unstable, hateful creature. I become physically unstable. I lost too many friends, opportunities, blood, and tears from the last episode. I just can't do this again.
I figure that it can't JUST be the stupid little crush. There's something else. It's just being triggered by the crush. I just don't know what it is. All I know is that the crush feeling sets it off, so I have to avoid crushes at any and all costs. I'm scared I won't be able to though.
Fortunately I found a few forms of minor temporary relief. Forcing myself to cry allows me to get to sleep at night, playing my cello can calm my mind, and seeing that person whom I originally had the crush on makes me feel warm and happy for a few minutes or so.
So I guess my question is, how can I just get myself to accept the fact that I have no chance with this particular person so I can avoid this strange episode from happening again? So I can move on and focus on other more important things?
And has anyone ever heard or experienced anything like this?